Captain John Hart: [as a hologram, sarcastically] Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!

Diana Holmes: How did it do that?
Ianto Jones: It's automatic. It knows you're there.
Diana Holmes: But how?
Ianto Jones: There are wave-bouncing detectors which emit high-frequency radio waves and then they throw reflections -
[Diana examines the automatic doors than looks into the store]
Diana Holmes: Bananas...!
Ianto: Of course bananas are far more interesting.

Beth: Will it hurt?
Jack: Yeah.
Beth: Your bedside manners are rubbish.
Gwen: You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious, apparently, so I've heard.
Ianto: Oh they are. I remember this one time...
[Jack clears his throat]

Emily: The Torchwood Institute was created to combat the threat posed by the Doctor and other phantasmagoria.
Jack: (laughs) He's not a threat. The Doctor's the one who will save you from your phantasma-hoogits.

Banana Boat: So do you fancy a little drink later?
Toshiko: I'm sorry. I'm intolerant to vasoactive amines.
Banana Boat: Huh?
Toshiko: Bananas make me vomit.

Adam: You always remember what you kill, don't you, Jack?

Brenda Williams: The problem seems to be an American with no sense of timing or fashion.

Dr. Juarez: First I knew, they called up from the morgue. They were laughing. They said, "What's happening up there? You on strike?" Turns out, no one had died. Twenty-four hours since this hospital had a death. Not one. Not from old age, not from injury, not from sickness. All day long.
Esther: Could be just a coincidence, I suppose.
Dr. Juarez: That's what I said, yeah. Then I was on a call to St. Jude's in Chicago. They said, "Well, here's a funny thing. Past twenty-four hours, we've registered no deaths." Not one. So I called my ex-husband - he's at Cedar Brook - same story. All day, no deaths. I tried London. I have this friend at the Royal Free Hospital. I called her. She said, "Oh, that's weird. It's the same thing over here." Twenty-four hours, no one's died. What do you think of that, hm? One lucky day.

Colin Maloney: Okay, take the car. I'll walk back. You didn't see anything, okay?
Ralph: Colin, you've just got to stop and think. This is murder.
Colin Maloney: No it can't be. Don't you get that? It's a brand new world, Ralph. A world without death. Which means there is no murder.

Colin Maloney: This is my first tour but I think we might get some important people wanting to visit, you know? We got a line on Hilary I'm feeling really good about.
Dr. Juarez: Hillary Clinton?
Colin Maloney: Duff. Hilary Duff.

Clem: And who's the queer?
Ianto: Oi! [beat] It's not 1965 anymore.
Clem: He's queer. I can smell it.

Cop: [after punching Oswald] Don't you worry, sir. Nothing on your face. You'll still be nice and handsome for the TV. Should have run faster, Oswald.

Bernie: [To Owen after a chase] Don't hurt me, I've got asthma!
Owen: I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm gonna bloody kill you!

Banana Boat: [hitting on Toshiko] I'm Banana. [points to loud yellow cravat] Suppose you can tell why.
Toshiko: You come up in spots and go soft quickly?
Banana Boat: Actually, I'm the best man.
Toshiko: Evolution is full of surprises.

Dr. Patel: Category Ones are dead. That's the law. Under the emergency rulings for the sake of public health, category ones can be incinerated en masse.
Gwen: Well I'm glad you've got the law on your side.