Bruno: This isn't bad, Sam. Let me show you bad. [they walk out to where all the TVs are running the ad]
Sam: Oh, God.
Bruno: It's on free media. Everywhere. All day, all night, for free. You got played, Sam. And you forgot that all warfare is based on deception.

Bryce: This President can't write himself a blank check when it comes to foreign policy. Especially this President.
Will: 'Especially this President?'
Bryce: Yes.
Will: Because of the clause in Article 1 that says not every President gets the full powers of Commander-in-Chief?
Bryce: Are you re-writing the section [of the speech]?
Will: Yes.
Bryce: Dramatically?
Will: Well, I like to think that I have a certain flair...

Butterfield: We have a situation. We're up at black, and procedurally, the Chief of Staff is told before--
Leo: What happened?
Butterfield: Zoey Bartlet's missing, and there's a dead agent at the scene.

C.J.: [about the movie producer] This guy's trying to get a little bit of free media by screwing with us. I'm the enforcer, Sam. I'm gonna crush him, I'm gonna make him cry, and then I'm gonna tell his mama about it!

C.J.: [knocks on Josh's door] Josh...
Josh: [looks up] What the hell happened?
C.J.: I had woot canal.
Josh: What happened to your cheeks?
C.J.: I had woot canal!
Josh: Why are you talking like that?
C.J.: I had woot canal!
Josh: Yeah, I heard you the first time, I was just amusing myself.
C.J.: I can suggesht some ovva fings you can do wif yourshelf!
Josh: Are you in pain?
C.J.: I HAD WOOT CANAL!
Josh: You're gonna need to stop saying that, 'cause you just look and sound so ridiculous.

C.J.: [on the phone] No, I didn't mean that you have no social skills, Toby... I'm sorry if you think I was being insensitive to your... I think you're very... you're a very pretty girl, Toby.

C.J.: [on the President] He's all right?
Leo: He's about to be censured, and then he's gonna deliver the State of the Union, and then he's gonna run for reelection. My guess is, that there are some things on his mind.

C.J.: [to Toby] Good evening. You would not believe the day I had. I'd tell you about it if I could talk about it, but a bunch of stuff happened today that I can't talk about, so I guess I should stop talking about it. [hands a folder to Margaret] But the truth is, I'm so strung out and wired on caffeine that I can't even tell what room I'm in.
Toby: C.J....
C.J.: Let's open that bottle of champagne you gave me for my birthday. Maybe the alcohol will balance out the caffeine.
Toby: C.J., the leak--
C.J.: [gets out the bottle of champagne and two glasses] Let's have a toast. One final toast before I leave the White House for my perp walk in leg irons. Here, you open it.
Toby: C.J.
C.J.: Fine, I'll open it. But just, uh, listen to what I have to say. Leo's in trouble.
Toby: I know.
C.J.: You do?
Toby: I got a lawyer.
C.J.: What?
Toby: I got a lawyer.
[C.J. looks up with concern on her face]
Toby: I did it.

C.J.: [to Toby] Listen, I know better than to stick my face in your personal life. Except, you know, for sport.

C.J.: Anything else, Agent Sunshine?
Simon: It's Special Agent Sunshine, but that couldn't matter less.

C.J.: Carol, dotting the Is crossing the Ts, thank you for that.
Carol: We do our homework.
C.J.: You misspelled senator.

C.J.: Dad... you... cannot expect me to silently do nothing. You're going to require care.
Tal: I wasn't built for it. You came for the prom, not for this.
C.J.: Reunion. I'm not going.
Tal: Coward. That world, the expertise, the solicitude, no. No, thanks. I want to go down with some silence, with my music, with some grace.
C.J.: I'll quit and take care of you.
Tal: 'We sail,' said Pascal, 'in a vast sphere,' Claudia Jean, 'ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end.' I'd much rather see you on TV, darling, than sitting opposite me, watching a demolition derby going on in my brain.

C.J.: Duchamp was the father of Dadaism.
Toby: I know.
C.J.: The da-da of Dada.
Toby: It's like there's nothing you can do about that joke. It's coming, and you just have to stand there.

C.J.: Every time we come up on a holiday, you guys check out like seniors who are done with finals.
Toby: We are writing a very important Thanksgiving proclamation.
Sam: And possibly a new action-adventure series.
Toby: Nobody here has checked out...
[Josh enters]
Josh: Hey, I was just flipping a nickel in my office. Sixteen times in a row, it came out tails.

C.J.: I changed my clothes because I didn't think it was appropriate to talk about two dead teenagers while wearing a ball gown and you know that because you're stupid but you're not that stupid, you know what I'm saying? Security's gonna take your press credentials, you'll call my office everyday, and I'll decide if you get into the room. I'm taking your spot on Pebble Beach, you can do your stand-ups from Lafeyette Park.
Sherri: Who the hell do you-
C.J.: One more word out of your mouth and every local station but yours gets an exclusive with the President. Hunting season on me is over. [Sherri exits] And the chemical formula for table salt is NaCl!