The Office (US) quotes
370 total quotesDwight: When held over heat, the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. [pause] Urine. It was urine.
Dwight: You think this is some kind of game? No. This is a war. I will not stop, I will not rest. You have no idea what kind of enemy you've created. You have unleashed the wolf!
Michael: Be that as it may, I have your meatball parm sandwich here, and I am going to eat it.
Dwight: And I knew that you would do that. Their meatball parm is their worst sandwich!
Michael: [tasting the sandwich] Ah, bastard!
Michael: Be that as it may, I have your meatball parm sandwich here, and I am going to eat it.
Dwight: And I knew that you would do that. Their meatball parm is their worst sandwich!
Michael: [tasting the sandwich] Ah, bastard!
Dwight: Your heart is a wonderful thing, Michael. But it has made some terrible decisions.
Michael: That is true.
Dwight: Yes.
Michael: That is true. We have gone down the wrong path many, many times.
Dwight: Yeah.
Michael: Jan...Ryan.
Michael: That is true.
Dwight: Yes.
Michael: That is true. We have gone down the wrong path many, many times.
Dwight: Yeah.
Michael: Jan...Ryan.
Holly: It's been a weird week since we found out I had to transfer. Michael wanted me to quit and get some job here in Scranton, and I said, "Well, why don't you quit and get some job in Nashua?" And he said, "I asked you first." And I said, "First!" at the same time he did. And then I said "Jinx." And then we never talked about it again and haven't been back to the conversation. So...
Jim: [regarding Pam's father] What did he say? Is it my fault?
Pam: Yeah. He said that you told him how much you love me. About how you feel when I walk in a room. And about how you've never doubted for a second that I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. I guess he's never felt that way about my mom, even at their best.
Jim: You okay?
Pam: Yeah. [Cut to talking head] When you're a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.
Pam: Yeah. He said that you told him how much you love me. About how you feel when I walk in a room. And about how you've never doubted for a second that I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. I guess he's never felt that way about my mom, even at their best.
Jim: You okay?
Pam: Yeah. [Cut to talking head] When you're a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that.
Jim: Actually, when I was seven, my dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome.
Dwight: That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.
Jim: Didn't see that one coming.
Dwight: That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.
Jim: Didn't see that one coming.
Jim: Are you kidding?
Dwight: Well, I'm not done yet.
Jim: Dwight, this fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown them up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?
Dwight: They match the carpet.
Jim: What is that? [points to sign] "It is your birthday, period."
Dwight: It's a statement of fact.
Jim: Not even an exclamation point?
Dwight: This is more professional! It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer!
Dwight: Well, I'm not done yet.
Jim: Dwight, this fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown them up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?
Dwight: They match the carpet.
Jim: What is that? [points to sign] "It is your birthday, period."
Dwight: It's a statement of fact.
Jim: Not even an exclamation point?
Dwight: This is more professional! It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer!
Jim: Charles is having Kevin cover the phones for a while. How do I say this diplomatically...I think Kevin is doing exactly as well as anyone might have expected someone like him to perform in a position like that.
Jim: Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through delusion.
Jim: Okay, okay, okay. Why don't we just put this to a vote, and then we'll be done with it.
Angela: I'm not voting.
Jim: No one cares.
Angela: I'm not voting.
Jim: No one cares.
Jim: Pam comes back from New York next week. And everyone here has just been so excited for me, and involved, and intrusive, and weird.
Jim: So this morning, we are having breakfast together...and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, "You know what I wanna do today? I wanna marry you."
Pam: I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it.
Pam: I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it.
Kelly: Dwight, get out of my nook.
Pam: [heard through Jim's Bluetooth] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
Jim: Good one.
Pam: [heard through Jim's Bluetooth] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
Jim: Good one.
Kelly: I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
[cuts to Creed in an interview]
Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.
[cuts to Creed in an interview]
Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.