[After Jane was hit by Dane Kurtik]
Minelli: You couldn't just give Kurtik a stern talking to instead?
Lisbon: What about Christine Tanner, sir? If Kurtik was having sex with her, that gives him motive to kill.
Minelli: If! And that's a hunch. Based on rockabilly.
Lisbon: It's a Jane hunch, you keep him around for a reason.

[After Jane's plan to lure in the suspect has gone awry]
Lisbon: Everything's funny.
Jane: Well, if you try. I mean, come on. That was pretty funny. Strange though. I was sure the Chef would bite. I mean, there's still a chance he could show up.
Lisbon: The chef? Malcolm? Why do you think it's him?
Jane: He uses way too much butter.
Lisbon: Say--?
Jane: He's a gluttonous baby. He's self indulgent. He wants what he wants and takes it.
Lisbon: Too much butter.
Jane: Yeah.
Lisbon: It's fascinating, the way your mind works.

[After receiving paninis from a suspect]
Cho: What's in the sandwiches?
Rigsby: It's a panini, if you don't mind. It's, er, ham and cheese.
Cho: [as Rigsby takes a bite] And who knows what else?

[As the Psychic is discussing a séance and Jane demanding Rosemary's presence]
Kristina: She's a departed soul, not a wedding singer. You can't book her in advance.

[Brooke Harper is trying to open a locker when Jane and Cho come up from behind her]
Jane: Hello, gorgeous.
Brooke Harper: Beat it, creep.
Jane: I'd call you by your real name, but I don't know what it is.
Brooke Harper: [Turns around and sees Jane] Hello, Mr. Jane.
Jane: Hi.
Brooke Harper: I'm impressed.
Jane: Oh, for finding you? Wasn't that difficult.
Brooke Harper: Would you have a cigar?
Jane: Thank you, no. I hear they're not so good for your health.
Brooke Harper: Well, who wants to live forever?
Jane: It'd be horrible, wouldn't it? Immortality. Imagine the boredom.

[Dale Blakely punches Jane in the face]
Lisbon: You okay?
Jane: Assault, assault!
Lisbon: I would rethink this new technique of yours.
Jane: [Holding his nose] Yeah. Yeah, I can't disagree.

[Daniel has confessed to killing his father-in-law]
Lisbon: Did your wife have anything to do with this?
Daniel: No. No. She had nothing to do with this. And the idiot never suspected it was me. How's that for denial? How did you know it was me?
Jane: Well, when we first met, you were more concerned about the college football scores than you were your father-in-law's murder.
Daniel: So?
Jane: So when you're searching for a killer, the degenerate gambler in the room is a good person to look at.
Daniel: I'm not degenerate. I'm a professional. I'm just having a streak of bad luck.
Lisbon: Yes, you are.

[Entering the psychic's home]
Jane: [Sniff, sniff] Uhm, I smell dead people.

[In the Mojave Desert]
Jane: Look what I found.
Lisbon: What is it?
Jane: It's a worm, fossilized worm.
Lisbon: I'm happy for you.
Cho: Alright, this is it. This is the spot.
Rigsby: 11:04 and change. Right on time.
Lisbon: For what?
Cho: There's still 15 seconds to go.
Jane: You know, when this worm was alive, this whole desert was the floor of a great sea. There were dinosaurs swimming above us.
Rigsby: That is kind of awesome.
Jane: Yeah.
[Jane throws the worm to Cho]
Jane: Sharks the size of buses, brilliantly colored sea monsters. Those mountains, they would have been volcanoes.
[Cho examines the worm]
Cho: This is a goat turd about six months old.

[Investigating the crime scene]
Jane: [talking about Jason Sands] He's still here.
Det. Carla Mulvey: Not unless he's invisible. He's not, Agent Jane.
Lisbon: He's not an agent. He's a consultant.
Jane: No badge. No gun. [Whispering] They don't even give me dental.
Det. Carla Mulvey: Oh, yeah. You're the one they were telling me about, the psychic. Sorry, Gandalf. In our own bumbling way, we did look around pretty good. He's not here.

[It's dark outside, Jane is driving and Lisbon is sitting next to him with her eyes closed]
Jane: Talk to me.
Lisbon: Do I have to?
Jane: No, I can just fall asleep and we can drift into oncoming traffic. Your call.
Lisbon: [She opens her eyes and sighs] Have you seen any good movies lately?
Jane: No. You?
Lisbon: No.
Jane: Interesting.

[It's Lisbon's birthday and everyone else has given her a gift except Jane]
Grace: Where's your gift?
Jane: Oh, it's on its way. [Rigsby laughs]
Lisbon: Typical.
Jane: You really think that I would forget your birthday present? [Lisbon nods] It's on its way.
Lisbon: Yeah, right.
Jane: Little grumpy because daddy didn't buy you a pony?

[Jane and Cho are arresting Brooke Harper]
Jane: My friend Cho here will now take you by the wrist so as not to let you escape us again.
Cho: [Grasps her wrist, gently] Hi.
Brooke Harper: Warm hands.
Jane: I bet you say that to all your arresting officers.

[Jane barely gets out of a burning barn]
Jane: That was close. Where were you guys?
Rigsby: We called in to check out a lead.
Cho: Yeah, Lisbon didn't know you were about to pull an idiotic stunt, sorry.
Jane: No hard feelings.

[Jane discusses Red John on a television show and returns home that evening, five years ago, and finds a note]
Red John's Note: Dear mister Jane, I don't like to be slandered in the media, especially by a dirty money-grubbing fraud. If you were a real psychic, instead of a dishonest little worm, you wouldn't need to open the door to see what I've done to your lovely wife and child.
[Jane opens the door to find a red smiling face painted on the wall....]