Van Pelt: Lisbon's niece; sharp girl.
Rigsby: I guess.
Van Pelt: Good questions.
Rigsby: Yeah.
Van Pelt: Do you love her?
Rigsby: Annabell?
Van Pelt: Your girlfriend Sarah.
Rigsby: Oh, right.
Van Pelt: So?
Rigsby: I guess I don't see why it matters if I love her or not.
Van Pelt: Uh oh.
Rigsby: Look, we have a good time together. We enjoy each other's company. I look forward to seeing her. Isn't that enough? Why worry about it?
Van Pelt: Trust me, she's worrying about it.
Rigsby: I just think if you start talking like that you're going to get hurt. I'm not sure I even know what that means? I love you? I mean, what does that say, really?
Van Pelt: I don't know, Wayne. My last relationship didn't exactly end well. I'm probably not the best person to ask right now.
Rigsby: Fair enough.

Van Pelt: Van Pelt. Whoa! Slow down! Uh, uno momento por favor. (Thrusts the phone toward Rigsby) Um...can you? Its the Federales, I think. Something about Jane and a goat?

Van Pelt: Wayne, you're reading a baby book.
Rigsby: [closes the book] Yeah, I am.
Van Pelt: Why?
Rigsby: I -- yes. I'm pregnant. Sarah's pregnant. I'm having a baby.
Van Pelt: Oh my God. Yikes. I mean, sorry. It surprised me. [smiles] Congratulations.
Rigsby: No, it surprised me too. Still is, actually. Hard for me to believe sometimes.
Van Pelt: Are you okay?
Rigsby: Yeah. Babies are good, right? Always wanted to have kids, it's just a little earlier than I expected.
Van Pelt: So are you and Sarah getting married?
Rigsby: Oh, no. Nothing like that. Wouldn't want to rush into anything, right? We haven't even been dating that long.
Van Pelt: If you need anything you can ask. You know that, right?
Rigsby: Yeah. You should get going, though.
Van Pelt: Yeah. [moves to walk away, but stops and turns] Wayne? The kid is lucky. You're going to make a great dad.
Rigsby: Yeah? You think?
Van Pelt: [smiles] I know it.

Van Pelt: We've watched sixty hours of this footage. I think it's a dead end.
Jane: Patience, grasshopper.
Van Pelt: I am being patient.
Jane: There! Back that up. Can you grow that? Can you biggify it?
Van Pelt: [smiles] I can do a digital zoom.

Victor: I wanna thank you and your team. Although, I must admit that whole scene in front of the house--
Oscar: It was make-believe, dad.
Victor: Sorry. The make-believe was a bit unorthodox and unpleasant, but I'm sure you all know what you're doing.
Lisbon: Most of the time.

Wainwright: You know that psychopathy test I gave Tibbs? I figured out why it didn't work. See, it's a rating scale based on observation, so the more time you spend with the subject the more accurately you can then observe their behavioral traits, and guess what I've been doing?
Jane: [smiles] Oh, you haven't.
Wainwright: Glibness and superficial charm. Check.
Jane: You flatter me.
Wainwright: Grandiose sense of self worth. You betcha. Cunning and manipulative. Poor behavior controls. Failure to accept responsibility for actions. So I cross-referenced all of my observations with your history as a thief and conartist and, uh, congratulations, Jane. According to the score you are a clinical psychopath.
Jane: Wow. Well, that certainly explains a lot.
Wainwright: Now I know what I'm dealing with, so I'll adjust accordingly.
Jane: [smiles] As you should.

Walter Mashburn: But if it was him, wouldn't he have hired better assassins?
Teresa Lisbon: Okay, is there anybody else who might want to kill you?
Walter Mashburn: I have lots of enemies, Teresa. You know, you'd be surprised to hear this, but some people find me annoying.

Walter Mashburn: Can't believe I'm a one night stand for Dirty Harry.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, well, I'd leave you cab fare, but you've probably got that covered.

Walter Mashburn: I upset you?
Teresa Lisbon: Upset me? No. Irritate me a litte? Maybe.
Walter Mashburn: Why?
Teresa Lisbon: You're egotistical. You're arrogant. You're entitled and rich.
Walter Mashburn: When do you get to the bad stuff?

Walter Mashburn: So my friends say because you saved me that means you own me.
Teresa Lisbon: They have a return policy?

Walter: [To Lisbon] You have a damaged intensity that's quite attractive.
Jane: [With his mouth full] Hmm, yeah.

Xander: I'm a sadist and I bore easily.
Jane: Me, I see a difficult childhood, bad parenting, a lot of torment. But I also see how that suffering gave you great powers of empathy and a strong creative side and those are the qualities you should try and nurture in yourself. Not this brutish character you try to hide behind.

[A girl has gone missing and Jane is addressing the people in the search party]
Jane: I want you to look at me, all of you. And listen closely. I'd like you to raise your hand above you heads like this. [He raises his hands and the others do the same] Both hands. You too, sheriff. And you, agent Lisbon. Please. [The sheriff and Lisbon both raise their hands, too] Good. Very good. One of you-- One of you here killed Kara Palmer and abducted Nicole Gilbert. I want that person to lower their right hand now. [Jane lowers his right hand but no one else does] Okay, okay. It usually gets a hit. Forget I even spoke.

[A guy is walking around the CBI office with a paper in his hand]
Cho: He's from the A.G's office. We're catching a hot one.
Jane: Hooray. I was about to go mad with boredom.
Grace: Don't say hooray. Someone's died.
Jane: Well, if they have, my happiness makes no difference to them.
Grace: Nor does catching their killer for that matter.
Jane: True, but it makes a difference to the killer.

[A severed hand has been found on a road]
Rigsby: No. We're gonna be talking to the hand for a long while.
Jane: Why so glum? A case is a case.
Rigsby: We're in the middle of nowhere. Windy as all hell. I haven't eaten anything. Dismemberments are a bitch. Spend months assembling the victim, there's always a piece missing.
Jane: There's already plenty to work with right here.
Grace: It's a right hand with the number 43 on it.