[Accusing a father of murdering his daughter]
Jane: An innocent man would've punched me by now.

[After Jane lets go of two street performers without Cho's authorizatio])
Cho: Nice. I could arrest you for that.
Jane: You'll never take me alive, copper.
Cho: Seriously.
Jane: Seriously, it's Marilyn and Charlie. What, do you want to make a comedy arrest, see your name written in the weird news section?

[After Jane was hit by Dane Kurtik]
Minelli: You couldn't just give Kurtik a stern talking to instead?
Lisbon: What about Christine Tanner, sir? If Kurtik was having sex with her, that gives him motive to kill.
Minelli: If! And that's a hunch. Based on rockabilly.
Lisbon: It's a Jane hunch, you keep him around for a reason.

[After Jane's plan to lure in the suspect has gone awry]
Lisbon: Everything's funny.
Jane: Well, if you try. I mean, come on. That was pretty funny. Strange though. I was sure the Chef would bite. I mean, there's still a chance he could show up.
Lisbon: The chef? Malcolm? Why do you think it's him?
Jane: He uses way too much butter.
Lisbon: Say--?
Jane: He's a gluttonous baby. He's self indulgent. He wants what he wants and takes it.
Lisbon: Too much butter.
Jane: Yeah.
Lisbon: It's fascinating, the way your mind works.

[After Minelli has reprimanded the team]
Jane: Well, I thought that went pretty well.
Lisbon: Great, yeah.
Jane: Highlight for me was definitely your speech. Passionate, articulate, strong.
Lisbon: Whatever

[After receiving paninis from a suspect]
Cho: What's in the sandwiches?
Rigsby: It's a panini, if you don't mind. It's, er, ham and cheese.
Cho: [as Rigsby takes a bite] And who knows what else?

[As the Psychic is discussing a séance and Jane demanding Rosemary's presence]
Kristina: She's a departed soul, not a wedding singer. You can't book her in advance.

[Bosco has been given the Red John case]
Jane: What do you know about the case?
Bosco: Not much. He's a serial killer, 15 victims, including your wife and child. I can imagine your pain. Maybe that pain is clouding your judgment.
Jane: Well... [He leaves the room]
Lisbon: And me, Sam? What's clouding my judgment?
Bosco: Good question. You tell me.

[Brooke Harper is trying to open a locker when Jane and Cho come up from behind her]
Jane: Hello, gorgeous.
Brooke Harper: Beat it, creep.
Jane: I'd call you by your real name, but I don't know what it is.
Brooke Harper: [Turns around and sees Jane] Hello, Mr. Jane.
Jane: Hi.
Brooke Harper: I'm impressed.
Jane: Oh, for finding you? Wasn't that difficult.
Brooke Harper: Would you have a cigar?
Jane: Thank you, no. I hear they're not so good for your health.
Brooke Harper: Well, who wants to live forever?
Jane: It'd be horrible, wouldn't it? Immortality. Imagine the boredom.

[Dale Blakely punches Jane in the face]
Lisbon: You okay?
Jane: Assault, assault!
Lisbon: I would rethink this new technique of yours.
Jane: [Holding his nose] Yeah. Yeah, I can't disagree.

[Daniel has confessed to killing his father-in-law]
Lisbon: Did your wife have anything to do with this?
Daniel: No. No. She had nothing to do with this. And the idiot never suspected it was me. How's that for denial? How did you know it was me?
Jane: Well, when we first met, you were more concerned about the college football scores than you were your father-in-law's murder.
Daniel: So?
Jane: So when you're searching for a killer, the degenerate gambler in the room is a good person to look at.
Daniel: I'm not degenerate. I'm a professional. I'm just having a streak of bad luck.
Lisbon: Yes, you are.

[Entering the psychic's home]
Jane: [Sniff, sniff] Uhm, I smell dead people.

[Greg's daughter Lauren runs out of the room]
Lisbon: Wow. How many do you have?
Greg: Uh, we got Lauren, Maddy, and Sally.
Jane: [whistles] Wow. Breeder.

[In the Mojave Desert]
Jane: Look what I found.
Lisbon: What is it?
Jane: It's a worm, fossilized worm.
Lisbon: I'm happy for you.
Cho: Alright, this is it. This is the spot.
Rigsby: 11:04 and change. Right on time.
Lisbon: For what?
Cho: There's still 15 seconds to go.
Jane: You know, when this worm was alive, this whole desert was the floor of a great sea. There were dinosaurs swimming above us.
Rigsby: That is kind of awesome.
Jane: Yeah.
[Jane throws the worm to Cho]
Jane: Sharks the size of buses, brilliantly colored sea monsters. Those mountains, they would have been volcanoes.
[Cho examines the worm]
Cho: This is a goat turd about six months old.

[Investigating the crime scene]
Jane: [talking about Jason Sands] He's still here.
Det. Carla Mulvey: Not unless he's invisible. He's not, Agent Jane.
Lisbon: He's not an agent. He's a consultant.
Jane: No badge. No gun. [Whispering] They don't even give me dental.
Det. Carla Mulvey: Oh, yeah. You're the one they were telling me about, the psychic. Sorry, Gandalf. In our own bumbling way, we did look around pretty good. He's not here.