The Cosby Show quotes
222 total quotesClair: What is this?
Cliff: Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.
Clair: And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?
Cliff: Yes I bought that.
Clair: "Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.
Theo: Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?
Claire: Didn't stuff a thing!
Cliff: [to Theo] Et tu, Brute?
Cliff: Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.
Clair: And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?
Cliff: Yes I bought that.
Clair: "Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.
Theo: Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?
Claire: Didn't stuff a thing!
Cliff: [to Theo] Et tu, Brute?
Clair: What is this?
Cliff: Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.
Clair: And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?
Cliff: Yes I bought that.
Clair: "Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.
Theo: Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?
Claire: Didn't stuff a thing!
Cliff: [to Theo] Et tu, Brute?
Cliff: Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.
Clair: And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?
Cliff: Yes I bought that.
Clair: "Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.
Theo: Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?
Claire: Didn't stuff a thing!
Cliff: [to Theo] Et tu, Brute?
Clair: Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?
Elvin: Coffee?
Clair: Yes, coffee.
Elvin: You mean, you're gonna get it?
Clair: Yes, you're surprised?
Elvin: I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
Clair: What kind of thing?
Elvin: You know....serve.
[Cliff sits down rubbing his face]
Clair: Serve whom?
Elvin: Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]
Clair: Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?
Elvin: Well yeah.
Clair: Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?
Elvin: Okay.
Clair: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?
Elvin: Maybe I could get you some coffee.
Clair: Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.
[Clair leaves room]
Cliff: Elvin?
Elvin: Yes sir?
Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.
Elvin: Coffee?
Clair: Yes, coffee.
Elvin: You mean, you're gonna get it?
Clair: Yes, you're surprised?
Elvin: I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
Clair: What kind of thing?
Elvin: You know....serve.
[Cliff sits down rubbing his face]
Clair: Serve whom?
Elvin: Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]
Clair: Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?
Elvin: Well yeah.
Clair: Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?
Elvin: Okay.
Clair: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?
Elvin: Maybe I could get you some coffee.
Clair: Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.
[Clair leaves room]
Cliff: Elvin?
Elvin: Yes sir?
Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.
Clair: Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?
Elvin: Coffee?
Clair: Yes, coffee.
Elvin: You mean, you're gonna get it?
Clair: Yes, you're surprised?
Elvin: I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
Clair: What kind of thing?
Elvin: You know....serve.
[Cliff sits down rubbing his face]
Clair: Serve whom?
Elvin: Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]
Clair: Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?
Elvin: Well yeah.
Clair: Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?
Elvin: Okay.
Clair: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?
Elvin: Maybe I could get you some coffee.
Clair: Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.
[Clair leaves room]
Cliff: Elvin?
Elvin: Yes sir?
Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.
Elvin: Coffee?
Clair: Yes, coffee.
Elvin: You mean, you're gonna get it?
Clair: Yes, you're surprised?
Elvin: I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
Clair: What kind of thing?
Elvin: You know....serve.
[Cliff sits down rubbing his face]
Clair: Serve whom?
Elvin: Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]
Clair: Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?
Elvin: Well yeah.
Clair: Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?
Elvin: Okay.
Clair: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?
Elvin: Maybe I could get you some coffee.
Clair: Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.
[Clair leaves room]
Cliff: Elvin?
Elvin: Yes sir?
Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.
Clair: You can't ride to the park unless you are accompanied by an adult.
Rudy: Will you 'upcompany' me?
Rudy: Will you 'upcompany' me?
Clair: You can't ride to the park unless you are accompanied by an adult.
Rudy: Will you 'upcompany' me?
Rudy: Will you 'upcompany' me?
Cliff: [about Theo flirting with Denise's friend] The girl doesn't understand that the boy is fifteen years old. At fifteen the boy would hit on a snake.
Cliff: [about Theo flirting with Denise's friend] The girl doesn't understand that the boy is fifteen years old. At fifteen the boy would hit on a snake.
Cliff: [after Denise and Clair tell Theo what the real world is like] Your mother and your sister are absolutely correct. You see, we´re your family. We love you. We let you borrow money even you´re not qualified to pay it back. If you get out in the real world, it´s going to be different.
Theo: But when I get in the real world, I´m doing just fine, ´cause I´m gonna have a lot of money.
Cliff: I hope you´re not waiting for me to die.
Theo: No, I´m gonna earn it.
Cliff: How?
Theo: I´m going to be a model.
[Vanessa, Rudy and Cliff laugh at Theo]
Rudy: [seriously talks about Theo´s debt to her] I want my quarter now!
Theo: But when I get in the real world, I´m doing just fine, ´cause I´m gonna have a lot of money.
Cliff: I hope you´re not waiting for me to die.
Theo: No, I´m gonna earn it.
Cliff: How?
Theo: I´m going to be a model.
[Vanessa, Rudy and Cliff laugh at Theo]
Rudy: [seriously talks about Theo´s debt to her] I want my quarter now!
Cliff: [after Denise and Clair tell Theo what the real world is like] Your mother and your sister are absolutely correct. You see, we´re your family. We love you. We let you borrow money even you´re not qualified to pay it back. If you get out in the real world, it´s going to be different.
Theo: But when I get in the real world, I´m doing just fine, ´cause I´m gonna have a lot of money.
Cliff: I hope you´re not waiting for me to die.
Theo: No, I´m gonna earn it.
Cliff: How?
Theo: I´m going to be a model.
[Vanessa, Rudy and Cliff laugh at Theo]
Rudy: [seriously talks about Theo´s debt to her] I want my quarter now!
Theo: But when I get in the real world, I´m doing just fine, ´cause I´m gonna have a lot of money.
Cliff: I hope you´re not waiting for me to die.
Theo: No, I´m gonna earn it.
Cliff: How?
Theo: I´m going to be a model.
[Vanessa, Rudy and Cliff laugh at Theo]
Rudy: [seriously talks about Theo´s debt to her] I want my quarter now!
Cliff: [as the family gets ready to watch Rudy in a football game] All right, now everyone's in the car, come on.
Clair: If you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay here.
Cliff: But today, is your daughter's football debut! Today, we're going to watch the Gray Ghost gallop!
Clair: Cliff, I really don't think I can take this.
Cliff: Yeah but you said to me, when our son was going to play, you said 'Cliff, I think it's important that the father be down there to watch the boy.' Now I'm telling you, 'Claire I think it's important for the mother to go down and watch the daughter.' Now come on.
Clair: All right I'm gonna go, but I'm telling you right now. If anybody, ANYBODY at all, tries to hurt my baby, I'm gonna go out there and stop them.
Cliff: This is gonna be a wonderful game, see a mother running out on the field throwing somebody's child up in the stands.
Clair: If you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay here.
Cliff: But today, is your daughter's football debut! Today, we're going to watch the Gray Ghost gallop!
Clair: Cliff, I really don't think I can take this.
Cliff: Yeah but you said to me, when our son was going to play, you said 'Cliff, I think it's important that the father be down there to watch the boy.' Now I'm telling you, 'Claire I think it's important for the mother to go down and watch the daughter.' Now come on.
Clair: All right I'm gonna go, but I'm telling you right now. If anybody, ANYBODY at all, tries to hurt my baby, I'm gonna go out there and stop them.
Cliff: This is gonna be a wonderful game, see a mother running out on the field throwing somebody's child up in the stands.
Cliff: [as the family gets ready to watch Rudy in a football game] All right, now everyone's in the car, come on.
Clair: If you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay here.
Cliff: But today, is your daughter's football debut! Today, we're going to watch the Gray Ghost gallop!
Clair: Cliff, I really don't think I can take this.
Cliff: Yeah but you said to me, when our son was going to play, you said 'Cliff, I think it's important that the father be down there to watch the boy.' Now I'm telling you, 'Claire I think it's important for the mother to go down and watch the daughter.' Now come on.
Clair: All right I'm gonna go, but I'm telling you right now. If anybody, ANYBODY at all, tries to hurt my baby, I'm gonna go out there and stop them.
Cliff: This is gonna be a wonderful game, see a mother running out on the field throwing somebody's child up in the stands.
Clair: If you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay here.
Cliff: But today, is your daughter's football debut! Today, we're going to watch the Gray Ghost gallop!
Clair: Cliff, I really don't think I can take this.
Cliff: Yeah but you said to me, when our son was going to play, you said 'Cliff, I think it's important that the father be down there to watch the boy.' Now I'm telling you, 'Claire I think it's important for the mother to go down and watch the daughter.' Now come on.
Clair: All right I'm gonna go, but I'm telling you right now. If anybody, ANYBODY at all, tries to hurt my baby, I'm gonna go out there and stop them.
Cliff: This is gonna be a wonderful game, see a mother running out on the field throwing somebody's child up in the stands.
Cliff: [Looking at the x-ray] Look, look at this. Right here. See that?
Theo: Oh, wait a minute! That looks like a hair.
Cliff: That's right! This is called a hairline fracture of the promixal phalanx of the fourth toe. Understand that?
Theo: That's cool!
Cliff: All right, it is!
Clair: Will the two of you please take my foot someplace else and leave me alone?
Cliff: Okay. You want to take it to school and show it to your friends?
Theo: Oh, wait a minute! That looks like a hair.
Cliff: That's right! This is called a hairline fracture of the promixal phalanx of the fourth toe. Understand that?
Theo: That's cool!
Cliff: All right, it is!
Clair: Will the two of you please take my foot someplace else and leave me alone?
Cliff: Okay. You want to take it to school and show it to your friends?
Cliff: [Looking at the x-ray] Look, look at this. Right here. See that?
Theo: Oh, wait a minute! That looks like a hair.
Cliff: That's right! This is called a hairline fracture of the promixal phalanx of the fourth toe. Understand that?
Theo: That's cool!
Cliff: All right, it is!
Clair: Will the two of you please take my foot someplace else and leave me alone?
Cliff: Okay. You want to take it to school and show it to your friends?
Theo: Oh, wait a minute! That looks like a hair.
Cliff: That's right! This is called a hairline fracture of the promixal phalanx of the fourth toe. Understand that?
Theo: That's cool!
Cliff: All right, it is!
Clair: Will the two of you please take my foot someplace else and leave me alone?
Cliff: Okay. You want to take it to school and show it to your friends?
Cliff: [Phone rings.] Oh, not another Vanessa caller. [answers] Vanessa's residence? No, she cannot come to the phone right now. Because it's now 10:01, and she cannot take any calls past 10:00. No I cannot take a message, I am her father. I'm a doctor, I graduated from medical school, alright? Thank you for calling, this is a live voice.