Cliff: Hello? ... This better be necessary. [hands the phone to Claire] It's for you.
Claire: Hello.
The Kids: [on the other end] Good night mom! And don't bring home another baby!

Cliff: Hey! You forgot the water heater! Hey! Hey! The water heater!
Rudy: Hi.
Cliff: Hey.
Rudy: You look sad.
Cliff: It wouldn't take the water heater away.
Rudy: I'm sorry.
Cliff: What's the matter with you?
Rudy: I'm little. When you're little you're nothing.
Cliff: So you're nothing?
Rudy: I am a big nothing.

Cliff: Hey! You forgot the water heater! Hey! Hey! The water heater!
Rudy: Hi.
Cliff: Hey.
Rudy: You look sad.
Cliff: It wouldn't take the water heater away.
Rudy: I'm sorry.
Cliff: What's the matter with you?
Rudy: I'm little. When you're little you're nothing.
Cliff: So you're nothing?
Rudy: I am a big nothing.

Cliff: I don't know what it is between your ears and brain that is dislodged. So whenever we tell you "watch your sister", by the time it travels to your brain it turns to "let her go wandering around the mall." And I just pray to the heavens that I could find something to fix it. A screwdriver, or maybe a brick!

Cliff: I don't know what it is between your ears and brain that is dislodged. So whenever we tell you "watch your sister", by the time it travels to your brain it turns to "let her go wandering around the mall." And I just pray to the heavens that I could find something to fix it. A screwdriver, or maybe a brick!

Cliff: I wish I was 20 again.
Sondra: Would you go to Rio?
Cliff: Your mother wouldn't let me.

Cliff: I wish I was 20 again.
Sondra: Would you go to Rio?
Cliff: Your mother wouldn't let me.

Cliff: I'll give you thirty dollars.
Theo: Thirty?!
Cliff: 'Kay then, five!

Cliff: I'll give you thirty dollars.
Theo: Thirty?!
Cliff: 'Kay then, five!

Cliff: Is this the same juicer that I said, 'Mine, mine, mine'?
Rudy: Yes...are you mad?
Cliff: Yes, yes, yes.

Cliff: Is this the same juicer that I said, 'Mine, mine, mine'?
Rudy: Yes...are you mad?
Cliff: Yes, yes, yes.

Cliff: Look my folks are not coming over to eat, they are coming over here to spoil the children.
Claire: Well what do you expect? They're grandparents.
Cliff: Right, grandparents, all right. These are not the same people I grew up with, these are the biggest hypocrites you've ever seen.
...
Claire: Your mother's one of the sweetest people I've ever met.
Cliff: I didn't say she wasn't sweet. But this woman comes over here to the house, kisses every child. 'Just come here and kiss your grandmother. Oh you're just the most beautiful children on the face of this earth!' But when I was her child, I'm telling you, this woman, all she ever wanted to do was take a stick and ask God to give her enough strength so she could knock us somewhere! And to this day, I still don't know where Kingdom-come is. And all she is, as far as I'm concerned, is an old person trying to get into Heaven now.

Cliff: Look my folks are not coming over to eat, they are coming over here to spoil the children.
Claire: Well what do you expect? They're grandparents.
Cliff: Right, grandparents, all right. These are not the same people I grew up with, these are the biggest hypocrites you've ever seen.
...
Claire: Your mother's one of the sweetest people I've ever met.
Cliff: I didn't say she wasn't sweet. But this woman comes over here to the house, kisses every child. 'Just come here and kiss your grandmother. Oh you're just the most beautiful children on the face of this earth!' But when I was her child, I'm telling you, this woman, all she ever wanted to do was take a stick and ask God to give her enough strength so she could knock us somewhere! And to this day, I still don't know where Kingdom-come is. And all she is, as far as I'm concerned, is an old person trying to get into Heaven now.

Cliff: No 14-year-old boy should have a $95 shirt unless he's on stage with his 4 brothers.
...
Cliff: I don't have a $95 shirt, and I have a JOB.

Cliff: No 14-year-old boy should have a $95 shirt unless he's on stage with his 4 brothers.
...
Cliff: I don't have a $95 shirt, and I have a JOB.