Sheldon: I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.
Leonard: Well, I wanna watch it now.
Sheldon: Then I believe we've arrived at another quintissential 'Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock' moment.
[Sheldon holds up his fist in preparation to play]
Leonard: Watch whatever you want. [gives Sheldon the remote]
Raj: I saw what you did there.
Sheldon: [confused] What'd I do?

Sheldon: I've spent the last 3 hours in an online debate in the DC Comics Batman chatroom and I need your help.
Stuart: Oh yeah, those guys can be very stubborn, what's the topic?
Sheldon: I am asserting: in the event that Batman's death proves permanent, the original Robin, Dick Grayson, is the logical successor the Batcowl.
Stuart: Ooh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: "More wrong"? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is; it's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

Sheldon: Leonard is upstairs right now with my archenemy.
Penny: Your archenemy?
Sheldon: Yes: the Dr. Doom to my Mr. Fantastic, the Dr. Octopus to my Spider-Man, the Dr. Sivana to my Captain Marvel...
Penny: OK, I get it, I get it...
Sheldon: You know, it's amazing how many supervillains have advanced degrees. Graduate schools should do a better job of screening those people out.

Sheldon: Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She's interfering with my sleep, she's interfering with my work...and if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that, too.
Leonard: Why should I do something? You're the one who introduced her to online gaming.
Sheldon: Yes, but you're the one who said hello to her when she moved in. If you'd simply restrained yourself, none of this would be happening.
Leonard: Why don't you just tell her to leave you alone?
Sheldon: I did! I told her, I texted her, I sent out a very emphatic Twitter, I even changed my Facebook status to "Sheldon Cooper wishes Penny would leave him alone"! I don't know what else to do!
Leonard: Well, what am I supposed to to?
Sheldon: I don't know, but if you don't figure something out, I warn you, I shall become very difficult to live with!
Leonard: You mean up until now we've been experiencing the happy, fun-time Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: I'll go talk to her!

Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14, and I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make papier-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava.
Leonard: Oh, good God.
Sheldon: In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make some significant contribution to physics played a cruel trick on you, a cruel trick indeed. Any questions? [No one in the classroom says anything] Of course not. I weep for the future of science; now if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out. Come, Leonard. [leaves]
Leonard: [referring to his earlier failed experiment] Laser demonstration's looking pretty good now, huh?

Sheldon: Oh, look! Saturn 3 is on.
Raj: I don't want to watch Saturn 3. Deep Space 9 is better.
Sheldon: How is Deep Space 9 better than Saturn 3?
Raj: Simple subtraction will tell you it's six better.
Leonard: Compromise. Watch Babylon 5.
Sheldon: In what sense is that a compromise?
Leonard: Well, 5 is partway between 3 and��never mind.
Raj: I'll tell you what. How about we go 'Rock-Paper-Scissors'?
Sheldon: Ooh, I don't think so. Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of 'Rock-Paper-Scissors', players familiar with each other will tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest 'Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock'.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: It's very simple. Look -- Scissors cuts Paper, Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors, Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper, Paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, Rock crushes Scissors.
Raj: ��Okay. I think I got it.
Sheldon & Raj: Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock! [both play Spock and groan in frustration]

Sheldon: That is my spot. In an ever-changing world it is a simple point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function in a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be [0,0,0,0].

Sheldon: What could I have possibly done to insult Mrs. Vartabedian?

Sheldon: What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?

Sheldon: Would you like some advice?
Leonard: Sure, why not?
Sheldon: Then this is the perfect time to launch a blog with an interactive comments section.
Leonard: Gee, thanks a lot!
Sheldon: Would you rather I offer my personal insight?
Leonard: No, I don't need any insights, I just wanna know why Penny is more interested in Stuart than me. We're practically the same guy!
Sheldon: Oh, I disagree. Stuart is taller, artistic, self-employed, and most significantly, he gets 45% off comic books.
Leonard: You're right, I really should be asking strangers on the internet!
Sheldon: My original point.

Sheldon: You hear about this on TV, but you never think it will happen to you.
Leonard: So they steamed your dumplings; get over it! New topic, please!
Howard: All right, Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Howard: So there is a number?
Penny: Okay, new topic, please.

Sheldon: You know�� I'm given to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada�� designed specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems�� and replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
Raj: Is it me��or is that Sheldon's way of saying �Vegas Baby��?

Stuart: Sheldon, here is the new edition of Hellboy. It's mind blowing.
Sheldon: Excuse me. Spoiler alert!
Stuart: What?
Sheldon: You told me "it's mind blowing". So my mind goes into it "pre-blown". Once your mind is "pre-blown", it cannot be "re-blown".
Stuart: [bewildered] I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Said the Grinch to Christmas.

[After Leonard asks why Penny gave him an unusually long hug]
Penny: Leonard, I don't know what to tell you; it was just a hug.
Leonard: Glad we cleared that up.
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: I guess I'll see you.
Penny: OK, have a safe trip.
Leonard: Thank you. Bye.
Penny: Bye. [closes her door and sighs] It means I wish you weren't going.
Season 3

[Penny sneaks into Sheldon's room while he is asleep]
Penny: [whispering] Sheldon!
[She walks up to his bed]
Penny: [whispering] Sheldon.
Sheldon: [Jerking awake] Danger! Danger!
Penny: Sheldon, it's me.
Sheldon: You're in my bedroom.
Penny: I need your help.
Sheldon: People can't be in my bedroom.
Penny: Well, can we talk in the living room?
Sheldon: I'm not wearing any pajama bottoms.
Penny: Well, why not?
Sheldon: I spilled grape juice.
Penny: Well, can't you put on other pajamas?
Sheldon: I can't put on other pajamas, these are my Monday pajamas! Penny, people aren't supposed to be in my bedroom!