Shawn: Gus, don't be the last of the international playboys.

Shawn: Gus, don't be the new Meshach Taylor.

Shawn: Gus, don't be the only black lead on a major cable network.

Shawn: Gus, don't be the third Thompson twin with the dreads.

Shawn: Gus, don't be this crevice in my arm.

Shawn: Have you ever seen this vandal?
Hank: Nope, but I've felt them.
Shawn: Was that in an appropriate way?

Shawn: Hello Ladies and Gentleman, [dramatic music] I will be your narrator. My name is Aurora... Borealis! There are over four... hundred stars in our galaxy, maybe more. No one knows for sure. Many have said the universe is even larger than the Indian ocean, that is why it is called Infinitum Staroctopussium. [constellations come up] Ah yes, our glorious constellations, take a look. Over here we have... one with a guy... holding some sort of... thing. Over here, our beloved Olympic rings, all seven of them. And here, here's one with a fish.
Vernon: You gotta name them.
Shawn: Notice straight, straight above you, the Hammer of Jeff. And over there to the south--
Vernon: North.
Shawn: --North, you will see Monkey with Rash. The Egyptians used to set their clocks by it. [comet crosses the sky] Oh look, there goes an asteroid.
Vernon: Comet.
Shawn: Comet. It's what they named that cleaning solution after. I know it may stink if you leave it in the sink, but boy, oh boy, does it clean.

Shawn: Here's the thing, Robert: I am a psychic.
Gus: We work for the Santa Barbara Police Department. We've solved over forty-seven cases. I'm also a pharmaceutical rep, if that means anything to you.
Shawn: You've seen The Mentalist, right?
Robert: Yes.
Shawn: It's like that.
Gus: Except that guy's a fake.
Shawn: Right. If I were a fake psychic, it would be eerily similar.
Gus: Exactly the same.
Shawn: A virtual carbon copy.

Shawn: Here, let me read your palm.
Juliet: How about just one finger?

Shawn: Holy crap, are you checking your email?
Gus: I get productive when I'm nervous.

Shawn: How can you tell that someone's a compulsive liar? I mean, assuming their pants aren't on fire.

Shawn: How do I look, Jules?
Juliet: Like my 11-year-old nephew in his Peyton Manning pajamas.
Shawn: Your 11-year-old nephew is ruggedly sexy? That's weird.

Shawn: How do I look?
Gus: Like an idiot.
Shawn: Sweet.

Shawn: I accidentally mixed up Fire Chief Dan's phone with mine. They're similar shapes and my hand was in his jacket pocket.
Gus: You stole his phone?
Shawn: He was throwing us out! Gus, I plead the third.
Gus: The third amendment is no soldier can live in your house against your will. You mean the fifth.
Shawn: Yeah, I've heard it both ways.

Shawn: I can play six degrees of dinosaur with you right now... You've never been in a movie with Kevin Bacon or a dilophosaurus, have you?
Gus: How about you play six degrees of kiss my ass?
Shawn: First of all, that sounds like a totally disturbing game.