Mr. Show quotes

217 total quotes



All Seasons  Season 1   Season 2   Season 3  
Season 4
 



Max Packer: I've got a five inch taint

Member of "2001: A New Wave Godyssey" (Scott Aukerman): Heavens to Betsy, I've invented a praying machine!

Member of Edmond Premington's audience (David): You don't know what words mean, do you?

Member of Edmond Premington's audience (Jay Johnston): Nipples on your ass...?

Member of press (David): Tom Boudinir, Cabington News, pedophile. I..sodomized my nephew. Juuuust what is going on over there at that zoning board??

Pharmacy "customer" (Brian Posehn): I know what you mean...my doctor says I need marijuana to get high.

Reporter (David): And I understand you met Napoleon?
2000 lb. Old Man (Bob): Met him?...I et him!

Reverend Ralee Kolunda/Kolunda's sidekick (Jerry Minor/David): Be kind, Rewind.

Talk show audience member (Jerry Minor): You need to respect the baby, 'cause life is precious... and God... and the Bible.

Talk show host, Todd Linder Flohman (Bob): You stupid, petty, Prince-looking, no-island-remembering motherfucker!

Telethon caller (Bob): Hey I got a fake asshole...y'all got fake poo?

Willips Brighton (Bob): And my heart feels like a mouth full of sores. A mouth full of sores ain't no fun.

Willips Brighton (Bob): Take it from me, a guy who has mouth sores, I know the value of a mouth without sores.

Wyckyd Sceptre band member #1 (Bob): Dude, show me your weenis!
Wyckyd Sceptre band member #2 (David): Look at my hard dick. Isn't it rad?
Wyckyd Sceptre band member #3 (John Ennis): I'm so horny, dude!
Wyckyd Sceptre band member #2 (David): Well then, dude, suck that shit!

Yale Hadderity, investigative reporter (David): Oh, my scammy flammy mammy!