M*A*S*H quotes
576 total quotesHawkeye: [thinking as he writes] I've never put much stock in ESP, but if it is possible for one person to read another person's mind, Radar has that ability. The little fink.
Radar: [walking past] Is that a nice thing to say?
Radar: [walking past] Is that a nice thing to say?
Hawkeye: [to Corporal Walker] Are you married?
Corporal Walker: Sort of.
Hawkeye: Sort of married? That's like being sort of a virgin.
Corporal Walker: Sort of.
Hawkeye: Sort of married? That's like being sort of a virgin.
Hawkeye: [to Henry] We're here to report a pair of missing Longjohns.
Trapper: [also to Henry] Which we own and you are wearing.
Henry: Can you identify them?
Hawkeye: I've got a better idea. How about you identify them? [Trapper covers Henry's eyes] Without looking.
Henry: Well they're long...
Trapper: And they're johns... they must be his.
Trapper: [also to Henry] Which we own and you are wearing.
Henry: Can you identify them?
Hawkeye: I've got a better idea. How about you identify them? [Trapper covers Henry's eyes] Without looking.
Henry: Well they're long...
Trapper: And they're johns... they must be his.
Hawkeye: A war is like when it rains in New York and everybody crowds into doorways, ya know? And they all get chummy together. Perfect strangers. The only difference, of course, is in a war it's also raining on the other side of the street, and the people who are chummy over there are trying to kill the people who are over here who are chums.
Hawkeye: All right. Look, just for the sake of your sanity, I'll tell you this much. Mildred wants to surprise you.
Potter: Surprise me?
Hawkeye: Yeah.
Potter: It ain't my birthday. That was last month. It ain't our anniversary. That's Groundhog Day. I picked it so I'd never forget it.
BJ: Relax, you're gonna love it.
Potter: That's the same thing she said when she put the leopard skin seat covers on the Hudson. Never felt safe getting in that car without a whip and a chair.
Potter: Surprise me?
Hawkeye: Yeah.
Potter: It ain't my birthday. That was last month. It ain't our anniversary. That's Groundhog Day. I picked it so I'd never forget it.
BJ: Relax, you're gonna love it.
Potter: That's the same thing she said when she put the leopard skin seat covers on the Hudson. Never felt safe getting in that car without a whip and a chair.
Hawkeye: And from here in Ouijongbou, the sadistic sounds of Doc Winchester and his all-moose orchestra, who ask the musical question, why us!?
Hawkeye: And then this harebrained colonel, whose crew cut I could HEAR, had the nerve to hang up on me. Well, that's when I REALLY told him off.
Hawkeye: Charles is fine, but Klinger has damage to over fifty percent of his body; he broke his nose.
Hawkeye: Charles, one of the things I've always liked about our relationship is we never let sympathy get in the way.
Hawkeye: Did you want to say something, Henry, or were you just hoping for a free tonsillectomy?
Hawkeye: Does he understand English?
Radar: I'll find out. Ya understand English?
Patient: Yes.
Radar: Yes.
Radar: I'll find out. Ya understand English?
Patient: Yes.
Radar: Yes.
Hawkeye: Don't you ever sleep?
Nielsen: Sleep, what's that?
Hawkeye: Close your eyes, put your head on your chest, and have nightmares about the war.
Nielsen: When you're a medic, you don't have to close your eyes.
Nielsen: Sleep, what's that?
Hawkeye: Close your eyes, put your head on your chest, and have nightmares about the war.
Nielsen: When you're a medic, you don't have to close your eyes.