Malcolm in the Middle quotes
227 total quotesLois: There's got to be 500 gallons of paint up there.
Hal: There isn't... yeah, that's about right.
Hal: There isn't... yeah, that's about right.
Lois: Well, knock yourself out. My record is clean.
[Scene changes to the police officer arresting Lois.]
Lois: There is no way I have 16 unpaid parking tickets! The computer's wrong! You are not getting away with this!
[Scene changes to the police officer arresting Lois.]
Lois: There is no way I have 16 unpaid parking tickets! The computer's wrong! You are not getting away with this!
Lois: Well, that's not fair! What do they expect him to do, beat up a girl?
Reese: I get to beat up a girl...cool!
Reese: I get to beat up a girl...cool!
Lois: Who's damn dog is this!!! I SAID, WHO'S DAMN DOG IS THIS!!! (tries to open the truck door but is locked) Trapped inside, and all the window's rolled and it's 90 DEGREES OUT HERE!!! (no one responds) Okay! Okay! It's nobody's damn dog. So, I guess nobody's gonna mind... (picks up a rock) ... if I just do this. (smashes the window and peeks in and talks to dog) Oh, don't be scared, little doggy. Oh, everything is gonna be... (dog snarls and goes after Lois; Lois' face turns to fear as she takes off)
Lois:[at Mrs.Griffin's Doorstep] Malcolm get your things, we're going home. I'm so sorry for all of this.
Mrs.Griffin: Sorry for what?
Lois: My son stole your car and was out joyriding in it.
Mrs.Griffin: Joyriding?! It was no joyride for me. I was passed out in the back seat.
Lois: What?!
Mrs.Griffin: I made a mistake with my medication and he drove me to the hospital.
Mrs.Griffin: Sorry for what?
Lois: My son stole your car and was out joyriding in it.
Mrs.Griffin: Joyriding?! It was no joyride for me. I was passed out in the back seat.
Lois: What?!
Mrs.Griffin: I made a mistake with my medication and he drove me to the hospital.
Malcolm: So, according to your logic, a two-foot fall from a mini-bike is more dangerous than a six-foot fall from a galloping horse?
Lois: That was a long time ago.
Malcolm: Before... gravity?
Lois: That was a long time ago.
Malcolm: Before... gravity?
Malcolm (sees Reese): What are doing here?
Reese: I figured out your scam. As it turns out, crazy runs in the family.
Malcolm: Reese, you don't know what your doing. You're gonna ruin everything.
Reese: Relax. I got it covered.
Mrs. Gilbert: I'm ready to see you now, Reese.
Reese (in a gravelly voice): Reese, isn't here right now. This is Davey.
Reese: I figured out your scam. As it turns out, crazy runs in the family.
Malcolm: Reese, you don't know what your doing. You're gonna ruin everything.
Reese: Relax. I got it covered.
Mrs. Gilbert: I'm ready to see you now, Reese.
Reese (in a gravelly voice): Reese, isn't here right now. This is Davey.
Malcolm (to the camera): I need to seem cured, but to leave the door open for a relapse when I start ballet next semester.
Malcolm (to the camera): Okay, so I faked it. But with the family I have, it would've been only a matter of time anyway.
Malcolm (to the camera): When I was six, I dove in a pool and my trunks came off. God, I wish I was there right now!
Malcolm [to Dewey]: You were gonna make her a card?!
Dewey: No.
Reese: You like glitter, Dewey?
(next scene)
Patty (walks in): Dewey?
(Dewey is a mess again)
Malcolm: This is what he is. He's a walking disaster area.
Patty (using baby's voice): Guess who needs another bath?
(Dewey smiles as Patty sends him to the bathroom)
Dewey: No.
Reese: You like glitter, Dewey?
(next scene)
Patty (walks in): Dewey?
(Dewey is a mess again)
Malcolm: This is what he is. He's a walking disaster area.
Patty (using baby's voice): Guess who needs another bath?
(Dewey smiles as Patty sends him to the bathroom)
Malcolm [to Reese]: What happened? Did you get caught? Where were you?
Reese: Geez, you're always so angry. Maybe you really do need therapy.
Malcolm: What I need is for you not to ruin everything for me. Do you know how much trouble we'd be in if we get caught. With Mom, with the school, WITH MOM!!
Reese: Give me a little credit, psycho. I've been doing my own research. (takes rental videos out) See, I rented Silence of the Lambs, Seven, and the Nutty Professor.
Malcolm: Oh, God! Reese, tell me exactly what you told her.
Reese: Nope. That's confidential. Now, which do you like more? Hannibal Lector or the hockey mask.
(There's a knock on door; Lois & Mrs. Gilbert appear)
Lois: Malcolm? Reese? What do you have to say for yourselves?
Reese: Don't blame Reese? Blame Davey. (Lois grabs his finger and breaks it) Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Reese: Geez, you're always so angry. Maybe you really do need therapy.
Malcolm: What I need is for you not to ruin everything for me. Do you know how much trouble we'd be in if we get caught. With Mom, with the school, WITH MOM!!
Reese: Give me a little credit, psycho. I've been doing my own research. (takes rental videos out) See, I rented Silence of the Lambs, Seven, and the Nutty Professor.
Malcolm: Oh, God! Reese, tell me exactly what you told her.
Reese: Nope. That's confidential. Now, which do you like more? Hannibal Lector or the hockey mask.
(There's a knock on door; Lois & Mrs. Gilbert appear)
Lois: Malcolm? Reese? What do you have to say for yourselves?
Reese: Don't blame Reese? Blame Davey. (Lois grabs his finger and breaks it) Ow, ow, ow, ow!