Malcolm in the Middle quotes
227 total quotesReese: This isn't fair. Mom should have never taken us to a store that sells candy. She set us up!
Reese: WE OWN YOU ALL! No one is safe. We are the kings of this block. Did you hear me, world? Violence...just...got...a...little...more...RANDOM!
Reese: You know what nobody's mentioned, is that this is supposed to be the greatest army in the world, and you couldn't even kill the three of us. I gotta tell ya, I'm not impressed.
Rick [to Malcolm]: Remember me? "Moby Rick"? (sarcastically) That was so hilarious.
Malcolm: I never called you Moby Rick. I called you Rickapotamus, although... (Rick punches him)
Malcolm: I never called you Moby Rick. I called you Rickapotamus, although... (Rick punches him)
Robber (cheery): How are you?
Craig: Good.
Robber (smiles): Good. (screams) NOW TELL US THE DAMN COMBINATION!
Craig: Good.
Robber (smiles): Good. (screams) NOW TELL US THE DAMN COMBINATION!
Spangler (referring to the damage the local girls wrought): I'd say we got off lucky. This happened once before in '72; we had to bulldoze the Ampitheater.
Spangler: Hello!
Lois: Who are you?
Spangler: Edwin Spangler. I am Commandant of Marlin Academy.
Lois: Good for you. Where's your eye?
Spangler: Pardon?
Lois: Do your ears work? Do you have some business with my son? He needs to rest.
Spangler: Well, I stopped by to pick up your boy's homework.
Lois: Homework?! You're not giving him homework. My son nearly lost his life - something that never would have happened if you'd taken proper care of him in the first place.
Spangler: Well, I assure you, ma'am, had it not been for Francis' long history of crying wolf...
Lois: Crying wolf? You listen to me, you idiot! My child is sick. He does not need you marching in here, puffing up your little chest, and making his life more miserable than it already is. Why don't you just go play "army man" somewhere else?
Spangler: [walking away] God, she is magnificent.
Lois: Who are you?
Spangler: Edwin Spangler. I am Commandant of Marlin Academy.
Lois: Good for you. Where's your eye?
Spangler: Pardon?
Lois: Do your ears work? Do you have some business with my son? He needs to rest.
Spangler: Well, I stopped by to pick up your boy's homework.
Lois: Homework?! You're not giving him homework. My son nearly lost his life - something that never would have happened if you'd taken proper care of him in the first place.
Spangler: Well, I assure you, ma'am, had it not been for Francis' long history of crying wolf...
Lois: Crying wolf? You listen to me, you idiot! My child is sick. He does not need you marching in here, puffing up your little chest, and making his life more miserable than it already is. Why don't you just go play "army man" somewhere else?
Spangler: [walking away] God, she is magnificent.
Spangler: Local girls?! There are local girls inside the perimeter?! Have they killed anyone?[...] Do you have any idea what you've done?! Marlin Academy cannot exist without the support, the goodwill and co-operation of the local community! The Police Chief and the Mayor both sit on our Board of Governers, the Fire Chief is a regent...and right now, their psychotic offspring are in there tearing up the floorboards! It won't be long before they're in the air ducts...!
Francis: What are we gonna do, sir?
Spangler: We are going to do what any self-respecting member of society does in a situation like this: we're going to keep it quiet.
Joe: But they're destroying the school.
Spangler: Let's hope that's all they do, cadet. I'm afraid this is like an oil fire -- we have to let it burn itself out.
Francis: Oh, yeah, I forgot. One of them started an oil fire.
Francis: What are we gonna do, sir?
Spangler: We are going to do what any self-respecting member of society does in a situation like this: we're going to keep it quiet.
Joe: But they're destroying the school.
Spangler: Let's hope that's all they do, cadet. I'm afraid this is like an oil fire -- we have to let it burn itself out.
Francis: Oh, yeah, I forgot. One of them started an oil fire.
The Boys: Diaper! Diaper! Diaper! Diaper! Diaper! (they throw it and watch with excited faces, then they later change to a disgusted one)
Francis: Well, let's not do any of those again.
Francis: Well, let's not do any of those again.
Tom [to Hal]: Well that was still good on how you got him to scream like a girl.
Hal (embarrassed): No, that was actually me.
Hal (embarrassed): No, that was actually me.
Victor: Because of what just happened, you want us to loan you $3,000?
Hal: Please. I know you're uncomfortable loaning to family, so let me be clear. With one phone call, I could have your asses thrown in jail for child endangerment. So, this money I'm asking for, it's not a loan. It's blackmail.
Ida: He's like your cousin Vaslefdt all over again.
Hal: Please. I know you're uncomfortable loaning to family, so let me be clear. With one phone call, I could have your asses thrown in jail for child endangerment. So, this money I'm asking for, it's not a loan. It's blackmail.
Ida: He's like your cousin Vaslefdt all over again.
(The Krelboynes are enjoying their joyride with Malcolm at the wheel. Soon the boys hide except for him.)
Malcolm: What? What's going on?!
(in slow motion, he sees his mother in a van passing by, both are shocked)'
Malcolm: What? What's going on?!
(in slow motion, he sees his mother in a van passing by, both are shocked)'
[After cleaning up the house]
Reese: It's never been this clean before.
Malcolm: Uh-oh. It's too clean.
Francis: You're right. She'll never buy it.
[The boys start messing up the house]
Reese: It's never been this clean before.
Malcolm: Uh-oh. It's too clean.
Francis: You're right. She'll never buy it.
[The boys start messing up the house]