Reese [to Malcolm]: You look so adorable. You know what I like about medieval week is that you can spot the Krelboynes from super far away and they jingle when you hit them.
Hal (coming out of the shower): Reese, leave your brother alone. (to Malcolm) Although you are asking for it.

Reese [to Malcolm]: You missed a great assembly. I can't believe it. They actually gave us fruit to throw at the Krelboynes. What were they thinking?
Malcolm: Don't you ever get tired of making their lives miserable?
Reese: Nope. Beside, I want them to remember who's boss when they're living in their mansions with their supermodel wives. They're gonna know the guy cleaning their pool kicked their ass.

Reese [while throwing rocks at Dewey]: I'm trying to protect you!

Reese: Does anyone want my baked potato? It's kind of burnt.
Hal: Reese, we didn't have any baked potatoes.
(Reese looks down and sees a bat on his plate)
Everyone (screams): Aggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Reese: Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, puppies, ice cream, fat people falling over.

Reese: Hey, what am I thinking right now?
Malcolm: I'm smart, I'm not a psychic.
Dewey: Can you understand what dogs are saying?
Malcolm: No.
Dewey: I can.

Reese: I'm lost. (Francis punches Reese) OW!
Francis: That's how Mom feels... on the inside.

Reese: I'm really adopted, aren't I?
Lois: No, you're ours, and we love you.
Reese: Damn!

Reese: I'm sick of being a bully. It's creepy.

Reese: I'm thirsty.
Malcolm: Yeah, well, we would have water if some idiot hadn't used to it write a S.O.S in the sand.
Reese: Oh, I see. You people let me carry the water and all of a sudden I'm the idiot.

Reese: If the future's gonna be half as bad as Grandpa and I suspect, the only survivors are gonna be mutants, coackroaches, and me. All living underwater.

Reese: Make a run for it, mom. We can be on the News.

Reese: Malcolm, can you ask your girlfriend if she would like some more peas?
Dewey: We get it!

Reese: Malcolm, can you ask your girlfriend to pass the potatoes? (Cynthia hands Reese a bowl of mashed potatoes) Malcolm, can you thank your girlfriend for me?

Reese: Ooh, Malcolm. Having lunch with your girlfriend?
Malcolm: She's not my girlfriend.
Reese: I don't know. I think I see a spark. (bops Cynthia's nose) Boop!
Cynthia: Please don't do that.
Malcolm (to the camera): Yeah, that'll help.
Reese: Aw, she doesn't like to be touched. Well, maybe, I'll do this.
(Cynthia grabs Reese's arm and twists it, Reese falls on the table)
Cynthia: Now, say your body is composed entirely of snot.
Reese (sobbing in pain): My body is composed entirely of snot.
Cynthia (to Malcolm): Anything you'd like to add?
Malcolm: I'm good.
(Cynthia lets go of Reese and he walks off still in pain)