Dee: Are you actually gonna throw away all your convictions for a chance to get laid?
Dennis: I don't really have any convictions.

Dee: Charlie, don't screw me like this, come on.
Charlie: Don't screw you? Oh, I'm sorry, Dee, let me try and remember something. Let's see, was it, did Dee write a musical and come to Charlie with it? No! Charlie wrote a musical and came to Dee with it, and the gang. And the gang likes to screw it up and make it about themselves, and take it away from Charlie, and ruin his hopes and dreams. So let me tell you something, Dee, let me break down a scenario for you. I could cut the song, OK, because I wrote it. I could have Artemis do the song, OK, because you did not write it. Or I could strap on a wig and I could do the song myself. So you tell me, Little Miss All That, what do you want to do? Song or no song?

Dee: Ewww. Oh, I don't even know how that works, oh, God...

Dee: How could you not tell me you were gay?
Terrell: I'm a musical theater actor living in Philadelphia! I didn't think it was that big a secret.

Dee: I am not a failure!
Mac: Dennis, what is it that you call it when somebody tries to do something but doesn't succeed?
Dennis: Uh, that would in fact be a failure.

Dee: I am not having sex with you, Charlie.
Charlie: No, it's not sex I want from you. It's sex I don't want from Dennis!

Dee: I bet you don't even have any black people here.
Pool Guy: Excuse me, ma'am, but there's an African American family right there.
Dee: Well good for you. You keep a couple token ones around. Do you parade them around like a couple dancing monkeys?

Dee: I have a little bit of a problem with old people...I find them kinda creepy...and scary. And gross, kinda gross. It's their hands really, you can see right through 'em and all their inside business.

Dee: I have been taking this place up the butt with a little thing I like to call "Dee's Double-Drop."
Dennis: So you're doing the double-drop here too?
Dee: You know about that?
Dennis: Yeah, we always used to take the difference out of your purse.

Dee: I never statutory raped anyone before.
Trey: Oh...okay, I'll tell you what: let's just take it slow.
Dee: You are so sweet...where were you when I was in high school?
Trey: I was eight.
Dee: Right...Yeah...

Dee: I'm not asking you to do anything, just turn a blind eye while I rob this place stupid.

Dee: I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!

Dee: If I had to write an article about you, it would say that you're very negative. The headline might be "Most Negative Man in the World Calls Other People White Trash to Make Himself Not Feel So Faggy."

Dee: Just so I'm clear, you don't actually think things are going to come alive because you're spending the night in museum, right?

Dee: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a lil preocupied with worrying about being killed by the mob because a homeless priest ran off with all of our drugs!