It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes
334 total quotesCharlie: Man this is crazy. You are dancing with the entire McPoyle Family. These people are freak shows, man...freaks. But you're keeping your cool. You're keeping your cool. You know why? Because you are the Green Man. Green Man is saving your life right now, bro. Just go with the flow.
Mac: Charlie, we've been looking all over for you, dude.
Dennis: Green Man, I knew you couldn't resist.
Charlie: Huh? You know what? I'm actually tripping pretty hard right now.
Mac: You're tripping?
Charlie: Yeah, Frank gave me some acid and it's like... whoo.
Mac: Oh, Jesus.
Liam: Hey guys. Guess who got invited to training camp?
Ryan: Yeah, we're going to be famous.
Dennis: Look we need to talk to Green Man for a minute please.
Mac: Yeah, just go over there.
Dennis: Let's go man. Thank you. Charlie, where is Frank, it's very important.
Charlie: Oh, Frank? He's standing right there.
Mac: Frank, What the hell are you doing?
Artemis: He's been trying to climb through that trash can for 20 minutes. I'm pretty sure he's on acid.
Frank: Thank God you guys are here! How did you get in here?
Dennis: What the hell are you talking about? (Mac looks around)
Frank: I've been stuck in this bathroom for three hours!
Artemis: I think he took a dump in there.
Mac: Can you give us a second, please?
Artemis: Whatever. I'm getting tired of watching him anyway.
Dennis: All right, Frank, listen. Did you bring your gun today?
(Frank whips his gun out)
Mac: Charlie, we've been looking all over for you, dude.
Dennis: Green Man, I knew you couldn't resist.
Charlie: Huh? You know what? I'm actually tripping pretty hard right now.
Mac: You're tripping?
Charlie: Yeah, Frank gave me some acid and it's like... whoo.
Mac: Oh, Jesus.
Liam: Hey guys. Guess who got invited to training camp?
Ryan: Yeah, we're going to be famous.
Dennis: Look we need to talk to Green Man for a minute please.
Mac: Yeah, just go over there.
Dennis: Let's go man. Thank you. Charlie, where is Frank, it's very important.
Charlie: Oh, Frank? He's standing right there.
Mac: Frank, What the hell are you doing?
Artemis: He's been trying to climb through that trash can for 20 minutes. I'm pretty sure he's on acid.
Frank: Thank God you guys are here! How did you get in here?
Dennis: What the hell are you talking about? (Mac looks around)
Frank: I've been stuck in this bathroom for three hours!
Artemis: I think he took a dump in there.
Mac: Can you give us a second, please?
Artemis: Whatever. I'm getting tired of watching him anyway.
Dennis: All right, Frank, listen. Did you bring your gun today?
(Frank whips his gun out)
Charlie: Nice tape job but, I noticed you stopped at the grill.
Dennis: Ran out of tape but, I measured the opening of the door and it's shorter than the height of the grill.
Dennis: Ran out of tape but, I measured the opening of the door and it's shorter than the height of the grill.
Charlie: oh my god i just found a rats nest slaughtered about 200 of them. It's like whole generations of those things have died at my hands. Mothers, fathers, grandfathers, little baby rats.
Dee: Well, you know, keep up the good work.
Charlie: Sometimes, I wonder though, if our lives are really more valuable than theirs. You know what I mean?
Dennis: Yeah they are. Our lives definitely are without a doubt.
Dee: Well, you know, keep up the good work.
Charlie: Sometimes, I wonder though, if our lives are really more valuable than theirs. You know what I mean?
Dennis: Yeah they are. Our lives definitely are without a doubt.
Charlie: Oh my god. That was a terrible experience for me by the way.
Dennis: Of course, nobody likes salting the snail but she gives you no choice.
Dee: She doesn't leave you with any options.
Charlie: Horrible thing. I'm all worked up now. I feel bad I feel like maybe... I should have some more wine in a can.
Dennis: Of course, nobody likes salting the snail but she gives you no choice.
Dee: She doesn't leave you with any options.
Charlie: Horrible thing. I'm all worked up now. I feel bad I feel like maybe... I should have some more wine in a can.
Charlie: Oh, you know, I told you. I asked for more money.
Dee: What?!
Charlie: Yes, I did.
Dee: No, you didn't.
Charlie: I was using dead presidents as a cover. You didn't get that?
Dee: [to Dennis] He said to the man, he wanted many, many thousands of green people from history times.
Dee: What?!
Charlie: Yes, I did.
Dee: No, you didn't.
Charlie: I was using dead presidents as a cover. You didn't get that?
Dee: [to Dennis] He said to the man, he wanted many, many thousands of green people from history times.
Charlie: Ohhhhhhhh shit! Look at that door, dude. See that door there? The one marked "Pirate"? You think a pirate lives in there?
Dennis: I see a door marked "Private." Is that the door you're talking about?
Charlie: Nah, I was talking abou...I didn't say...did you...what did you hear?
Dennis: I heard you say "There was a door marked pirate living in there."
Charlie: Well are we gonna talk about pirates all day or are we gonna see what's living in there?
Dennis: You're the one that....Jesus Christ man, shit.
Dennis: I see a door marked "Private." Is that the door you're talking about?
Charlie: Nah, I was talking abou...I didn't say...did you...what did you hear?
Dennis: I heard you say "There was a door marked pirate living in there."
Charlie: Well are we gonna talk about pirates all day or are we gonna see what's living in there?
Dennis: You're the one that....Jesus Christ man, shit.
Charlie: OK, all right, I'm ready to rock.
Mac: And who are you supposed to be?
Charlie: Bob Dylan, man. Check this out [hands Mac a crudely drawn picture]
Mac: Jesus, we're all over the place. [looks at picture] Is this a page from a coloring book?
Charlie: No, dude, that's 'Night Man', those are lyrics.
Mac : Whatever, let's just rock.
Frank: Okay, this is what I'm talking about.
Charlie: All right, where's my curtain?
Mac: Charlie, don't worry about the curtain, you're not gonna need it.
Charlie: I want a curtain blocking my face.
Mac: You don't need one.
Frank: [to an unkempt man working on wiring] Go on, go have a beer, Ernie.
Charlie: All right, ready.
Frank: 5, 6, 7, 8!
Charlie: [singing] Night Man, sneaky and mean. Spider inside my dreams, I think I love you. You make me want to cry, you make me want to die. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, Night Man. Every night you come into my room and pin me down with your strong arms, And pin me down and I try to fight you, You come inside me and fill me up and I become the Night Man. (At first, Mac and Frank appear to be cool with Charlie's lyrics, but when he starts in with the second part, they both stop playing and look at Charlie as if to say, "What the hell is this shit?")
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlie. Hang on a second. I mean the first half of that song was kind of cool, but what's with the second half?
Charlie: It's about the Night Man, like, you know, like filling me up, and I become him, I become the spirit of the Night Man.
Mac: But it sounds like a song where a man breaks into your house and rapes you.
Charlie: What, dude? Where are you getting that from? Alright, [resumes singing] It's just two men sharing the night. It might seem wrong, but it's just right. It's just two men sharing each other. It's just two men like lovin' brothers. One on top, and one on bottom. One inside, and the other is out. One is screaming he's so happy and the other's yelling a passionate shout. It's the Night Man. The feeling so wrong and right man, the feeling so wrong and right man. I can't fight you man when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I become the Night... the passionate, passionate Night Man.
Mac: We need a new front man...
Mac: And who are you supposed to be?
Charlie: Bob Dylan, man. Check this out [hands Mac a crudely drawn picture]
Mac: Jesus, we're all over the place. [looks at picture] Is this a page from a coloring book?
Charlie: No, dude, that's 'Night Man', those are lyrics.
Mac : Whatever, let's just rock.
Frank: Okay, this is what I'm talking about.
Charlie: All right, where's my curtain?
Mac: Charlie, don't worry about the curtain, you're not gonna need it.
Charlie: I want a curtain blocking my face.
Mac: You don't need one.
Frank: [to an unkempt man working on wiring] Go on, go have a beer, Ernie.
Charlie: All right, ready.
Frank: 5, 6, 7, 8!
Charlie: [singing] Night Man, sneaky and mean. Spider inside my dreams, I think I love you. You make me want to cry, you make me want to die. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, Night Man. Every night you come into my room and pin me down with your strong arms, And pin me down and I try to fight you, You come inside me and fill me up and I become the Night Man. (At first, Mac and Frank appear to be cool with Charlie's lyrics, but when he starts in with the second part, they both stop playing and look at Charlie as if to say, "What the hell is this shit?")
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Charlie. Hang on a second. I mean the first half of that song was kind of cool, but what's with the second half?
Charlie: It's about the Night Man, like, you know, like filling me up, and I become him, I become the spirit of the Night Man.
Mac: But it sounds like a song where a man breaks into your house and rapes you.
Charlie: What, dude? Where are you getting that from? Alright, [resumes singing] It's just two men sharing the night. It might seem wrong, but it's just right. It's just two men sharing each other. It's just two men like lovin' brothers. One on top, and one on bottom. One inside, and the other is out. One is screaming he's so happy and the other's yelling a passionate shout. It's the Night Man. The feeling so wrong and right man, the feeling so wrong and right man. I can't fight you man when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I become the Night... the passionate, passionate Night Man.
Mac: We need a new front man...
Charlie: OK, OK. First of all, there are people out there who actually have been molested and you guys are going to exploit that for your own personal gain? You assholes are securing your places in hell.
Ryan: We've thought about it. We're willing to roll the dice.
Ryan: We've thought about it. We're willing to roll the dice.
Charlie: Ok,ok, uh I just killed three very large rats that were stuck in glue traps.
Dennis: Good work.
Charlie: No, no, no. That's not good trap. I'm done with rat detail. That's by far the worst job in the bar.
Dennis: That's why we call it Charlie Work.
Charlie: No, no dude not Charlie Work. There's like an emotional toll that comes out of this. I mean you kill one of these... [Dennis blows smoke in Charlie's face]
Charlie: You kidding me?
Dennis: What? What?
Charlie: You're blowing smoke directly in my face when I'm trying to talk to you.
Dennis: What is he talking about?
Charlie: You know if you wanna smoke, you should have to take it outside.
Frank: It's a bar.
Dennis: Yeah, it's a bar.
Dee: Yeah, but you know what? Charlie, I think you're right. I think we should ban smoking in here.
Mac: Oh, come on. That's completely ridiculous.
Dee: Why is that ridiculous? There are smoking bans in a lot of states now.
Mac: Uh, yes and its completely unamerican.
Dennis: If you don't like smoke, then don't come into the bar.
Charlie: I work in this bar. I work here.
Dennis: But that's because you have the freedom to choose to work here. Smoking bans, they don't protect freedom. They strip them away from smokers.
Frank: Look, I didn't go to Vietnam just to have pansies like you take my freedom away from me.
Dee: You went to Vietnam in 1993 to open up a sweatshop!
Frank: ...and a lot of good men died in that sweatshop!
Dee: Oh my god.
Dennis: Look the point is if Charlie took any time to study in school, he would recognize that the Constitution protects my freedom to blow smoke all over his face.
Charlie: You gotta be... you don't know shit about the Constitution man.
Mac: Uh, he knows more than you two unamerican freedom haters.
Dennis: Thank you.
Dee: Oh, Charlie, we hate freedom. Yea we hate it.
Charlie: Oh, I'm unamerican?
Frank: You're practically a Vietcong.
Charlie: Is that right? Ok. You wanna learn a little something about America? Dee, let's roll outta here.
Dee: Where are we going?
Charlie: We're gonna go America all over their asses!
Dennis: Good work.
Charlie: No, no, no. That's not good trap. I'm done with rat detail. That's by far the worst job in the bar.
Dennis: That's why we call it Charlie Work.
Charlie: No, no dude not Charlie Work. There's like an emotional toll that comes out of this. I mean you kill one of these... [Dennis blows smoke in Charlie's face]
Charlie: You kidding me?
Dennis: What? What?
Charlie: You're blowing smoke directly in my face when I'm trying to talk to you.
Dennis: What is he talking about?
Charlie: You know if you wanna smoke, you should have to take it outside.
Frank: It's a bar.
Dennis: Yeah, it's a bar.
Dee: Yeah, but you know what? Charlie, I think you're right. I think we should ban smoking in here.
Mac: Oh, come on. That's completely ridiculous.
Dee: Why is that ridiculous? There are smoking bans in a lot of states now.
Mac: Uh, yes and its completely unamerican.
Dennis: If you don't like smoke, then don't come into the bar.
Charlie: I work in this bar. I work here.
Dennis: But that's because you have the freedom to choose to work here. Smoking bans, they don't protect freedom. They strip them away from smokers.
Frank: Look, I didn't go to Vietnam just to have pansies like you take my freedom away from me.
Dee: You went to Vietnam in 1993 to open up a sweatshop!
Frank: ...and a lot of good men died in that sweatshop!
Dee: Oh my god.
Dennis: Look the point is if Charlie took any time to study in school, he would recognize that the Constitution protects my freedom to blow smoke all over his face.
Charlie: You gotta be... you don't know shit about the Constitution man.
Mac: Uh, he knows more than you two unamerican freedom haters.
Dennis: Thank you.
Dee: Oh, Charlie, we hate freedom. Yea we hate it.
Charlie: Oh, I'm unamerican?
Frank: You're practically a Vietcong.
Charlie: Is that right? Ok. You wanna learn a little something about America? Dee, let's roll outta here.
Dee: Where are we going?
Charlie: We're gonna go America all over their asses!
Charlie: Principal McIntyre, I recently starting mentoring one of the kids here.
Principal McIntyre: Really? That's odd, because you're a janitor.
Principal McIntyre: Really? That's odd, because you're a janitor.
Charlie: Remember when we made the news show for eighth grade for social studies, dude?
Mac: See, that was real news.
Charlie: Yeah, we didn't distort facts. We told it like it was, you know?
Mac: Yes.
Dennis: Yeah, I remember that video. You guys were burning G.I. Joes and throwing rocks at cats.
Mac: See, that was real news.
Charlie: Yeah, we didn't distort facts. We told it like it was, you know?
Mac: Yes.
Dennis: Yeah, I remember that video. You guys were burning G.I. Joes and throwing rocks at cats.
Charlie: Says the guy who knows nothing about the law!
Dennis: I can absolutely keep a hummingbird as a pet, bro. It's no different than having a parrot or a parakeet. It's a bird, bro.
Charlie: You really can't, and I'm not saying I agree with it. It's just that bird law in this country--it's not governed by reason.
Dennis: There's no such thing as "bird law".
Charlie: Yes, there is.
Dennis: You know what? I'm going to get a hummingbird and I'll show you.
Charlie: Hummingbirds...hummingbirds are illegal tender!
Dennis: I'm going to get one.
Charlie: You cannot.
Dennis: To spite you, I'm going to get one.
Mac: Where are we with gulls?
Charlie: You can keep a gull as a pet, but you don't want to live with a seabird, okay, 'cause the noise level alone on those things...have you ever heard a gull up close? It's going to blast your eardrums out, dude.
Dennis: I can absolutely keep a hummingbird as a pet, bro. It's no different than having a parrot or a parakeet. It's a bird, bro.
Charlie: You really can't, and I'm not saying I agree with it. It's just that bird law in this country--it's not governed by reason.
Dennis: There's no such thing as "bird law".
Charlie: Yes, there is.
Dennis: You know what? I'm going to get a hummingbird and I'll show you.
Charlie: Hummingbirds...hummingbirds are illegal tender!
Dennis: I'm going to get one.
Charlie: You cannot.
Dennis: To spite you, I'm going to get one.
Mac: Where are we with gulls?
Charlie: You can keep a gull as a pet, but you don't want to live with a seabird, okay, 'cause the noise level alone on those things...have you ever heard a gull up close? It's going to blast your eardrums out, dude.
Charlie: Sorry about that, some guy in the bathroom wouldn't give me his shirt.