It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia quotes

334 total quotes



All Seasons
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[Artemis accusing Dee of being behind the last poop]
Artemis: Deandra, you wanted in on this poop war from the start!
Dee: No, I didn't.
Artemis: ...The outcast. The slut. The bitch. The whore. The lonely, sad, slutty, bitchy whore. You sat on the sideline while these four titans battled it out. You were jealous that a few pieces of poop got more attention than you. That's why when the lights went out you unleashed some thunder of your own. Thunder of the...chocolate variety!

[In a club]
Artemis: [smiling at guys she just met] Hi! Name's Artemis... I have a bleached asshole...

[In a retirement home]
Mac: These places are like prison...
Frank: Like people getting their ass raped?
Charlie: What? Oh my God, no one's getting ass raped, Frank! Come on, man!
Mac: No, it's just that people don't wanna be here, because they feel like...
Frank: Because they're getting their ass raped!

[Tommy spits in Charlie's face]
Charlie: Oh my God! I will...I will smash your face into- into a jelly!