[Naomi, the Slutty Pumpkin, has mutually agreed with Ted to end their relationship]
Naomi: Ted, I've been looking for the hot Hanging Chad for the last nine Halloweens. I've waded through a parade of Big Lebowskis, Harry Potters, Antoine Dodsons and the jackass who always dresses as laundry.
Ted: I hate that guy.
Naomi: That's why when I finally found you... it was hard to let go. Goodbye, Ted. [offers handshake, but Ted tries to hug her.] Let's not touch, ever.
Ted: Probably a good idea. [Naomi leaves]

[One of Robin's colleagues, Patrice, is getting mushy at Barney's displays of affection for Nora]
Patrice: [commenting on Barney serenading Nora with his When A Man Loves A Woman rendition] He's so dreamy..
Robin: NOBODY ASKED YOU, PATRICE!!!!

[Quinn pores over Barney's prenup and notices a certain provision]
Quinn: I have to pay 2,000 dollars every time I gain a pound?!
Barney: Not every time. Just if it shows up at the weekly weigh-in.

[Robin and Barney just had sex]
Robin: Okay, here's the deal, Barney; the moment my feet touch the ground this never happened.
Barney: Okay. Wait! [lifts up covers] Right-click, save as, into the b-peg folder and okay! This never happened. It's a good plan.
Robin: Now we go back to exactly the way things were before.
Barney: Okay.
Robin: [whispering] Okay.
Barney: All right... So Robin?
Robin: Yes Barney?
Barney: Guess who nailed the chick from Metro News One last night?

[Robin complains about Marshall's depression after Lily leaves him.]
Robin: This has to stop! Ted, we just started dating. We agreed we don't want to move too fast, and somehow, we have a baby. He can't feed himself, he cries a lot, he keeps us up all night.
Barney: Have you tried breast feeding? Nailed it!

[Robin explains what Barney turns into when he drinks peppermint schnapps]
Barney: [at bar kissing women in the lips a la Richard Dawson] Hey there, Darling ... how you doing? ... is this your sister? ... Beautiful! [goes to gang's booth]
Ted: Hey, where are our chicken wings?
Barney: Show me chicken wings! [gestures to Carl, who gives the wings to waitress]
Robin: Good order, Ted!!!! [gang cheers]

[Robin goes to MacLaren's after crashing the Robin 101 class. Ted comforts her]
Ted: Look, all that stuff I told Barney, it was personal knowledge between you and me, and I'm sorry.
Robin: Guess I'm impressed by how much you remembered.
Ted: It's funny...when you date someone, you're taking one long course on who that person is, and when you break up, all of that stuff is useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree. I guess I just like the idea of putting all my Robin Scherbatsky knowledge to good use, you know?
Robin: Since you know me pretty well, am I fooling myself with this whole Barney thing?
Ted: I don't know. I will say this though: I've seen Barney work hard to get women, and I've seen him work hard to get rid of women. I've never seen him work this hard to keep one around. I was gonna give him an A...well, B plus - Shin-Ya kinda screwed up a curve.

[Robin has just brushed Ted off from spending Christmas with him, and goes for a walk]
Robin: So kids, I settled in for Christmas alone. I appreciated that Ted wanted to cheer me up, but honestly, it wasn't necessary. So I can't have kids. [scoffs] Big deal, this way, there's no one to hold me back in life, no one to keep me from traveling when I wanna travel, no one getting in the way of my career. If you wanna know the truth of it, I'm glad you guys aren't real. [Kids and couch fade away to snow] Real glad.

[Robin has reservations about Ted and Stella's wedding, and Ted is not pleased]
Ted: We broke up over a year ago.
Robin: Yeah, but that's not that long ago. Watching you marry another woman isn't exactly something I was looking forward to. I don't know, if I would change my mind about marriage and kids, it was nice to know that you were there.
Ted: So I was your safety school. How flattering.
Robin: That's not it. It's just that, I..
Ted: Why are you bringing any of this up? There's nothing between us anymore.
Robin: Well maybe there is! I mean, of course, there is, that kind of stuff just doesn't disappear without a trace. I'm not just another guest here, Ted.
Ted: Great. We used to date, but we've both moved on and look, we got what we wanted. I'm getting married, you got your dream job in Tokyo, and we live happily ever-
Robin: I quit my job.
Ted: What?
Robin: I'm moving back to New York. I thought I wanted that job, but I want to come back to my real life, and I think you should go back to yours.
Ted: What does that supposed to mean?
Robin: Don't get married. Look you're rushing into this, it's like you're trying to skip ahead to the end of the book. Ted, you're the most romantic guy I know; you stole a blue French horn for me, you tried to make it rain-
Ted: I did make it rain.
Robin: It was a coincidence, but after all that, this is how your great romantic quest comes to an end? You're just disappearing into someone else's wedding, someone else's house, someone else's life without a second thought. That's not the amazing ending that you deserve. That's not Ted Mosby.
Ted: [after long pause] I love Stella, she's the one. You really feel that way, I guess it's a good thing you're not coming to the wedding after all. [storms out]

[Robin is introduced to World Wide News' anchor, who is very familiar]
WWN Employee: Robin, this is -
Sandy Rivers: Robin!
WWN Employee: You two know each other?
Rivers: Know each other? We've had sex! [employees are aghast]

[Robin is stunned that Don accepted a lead anchor job in Chicago - which she turned down earlier]
Don: Put yourself in my shoes. Can you imagine what it's like to have the phone ring and it's your dream job on the other end?
Robin: [teary-eyed] Yes... I can. Good luck in Chicago, Don. [leaves Don's apartment]
Season 6

[Robin laments the loss of her Canadian identity while in Toronto]
Robin: When I went to the States, I swore to myself I won't change. Yet here I am, in the most Canadian place in the universe - Tim Hortons, just around the corner from the Hockey Hall of Fame...and I don't belong. It's like I don't have a country.
Barney: Ok, that's it. [stands up on top of chair] Attention, Canada. I'm Barney, from America, and I'm here to fix your backward-ass country. Number one, get real money. [shows Canadian dollar bill] Don't know what board game this came from, but it's a [in French accent] joke. Number two, and this is a biggie, quit letting awesome chicks like Robin Scherbatsky get away because you know what, you don't want her, I'm planting my flag in her if you know what I mean-which you probably don't- and getting her the hell out of here. You may now return to being pointless.

[Robin reflects on her 14th birthday gift, which turns out to be a long trek in the woods and she is being airdropped]
Robin: I wanna go home, daddy!
Robin Sr: [points out woods] That direction is nothing but wolves. Forty kilometers that way is a mining town called Smithers. I'd rather take my chances with the wolves. [hands Robin a Swiss knife] I'll see you in three days.
Robin: But what am I supposed to eat?
Robin Sr: You got a knife! The forest is full of animals, what do you want, a buffet? [drops off Robin]
Robin: Papa!!!!!
Robin Sr: Happy Birthday, son!!

[Robin sees Ted's ex-girlfriends in the things he owns on the living room]
Jeannie Radford, Phone Booth Girl: I'm Ted's college girlfriend. He made me 12 mix tapes. How many has he made you?
Allison Moses, Lamp Girl: He calls you a sweetie pie? He called me a sweetie pie.
Lauren Stein, Throw Pillow Girl: I'm stupid, but my rack is bigger than yours!

[Robin tearfully laments Simon breaking up with her for Louise Marsh...again]
Robin: I wanted to be sixteen again.
Barney: Robin, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth. You're the most awesome person I've ever met. Well, second.
Robin: Right, first being you.
Barney: No, actually, it's this guy I know who lives in something called the mirror. What up?