[Lily has had enough of Marshall being cooped up in the Eriksen house since the funeral, and Ted's presence does not help.]
Lily: Marshall, I'm going home.
Marshall: [pauses from game session with Ted, comes to Lily] What?
Lily: I'm flying out tonight before the big storm, and I want you to come with me.
Marshall: I can't right now, 'cause my mom needs me.
Lily: Well, I guess it's been helpful for her for you to be here playing Super Mario Kart for 14 hours a day...
Ted: [surprised] You have Super Mario Kart!?
Marshall: Hell, yeah. [points to cartridge. Ted gets it and loads into the SNES]
Lily: ...but your mom doesn't need you. Your life in New York needs you, it needs you really bad.
Marshall: Baby, don't go.
Lily: [kisses Marshall and leaves] Please come home soon.

[Lily is freaking out because a New Jersey high school that has The 88 for a prom band wouldn't let them in. She thinks Barney's ideas of sneaking in may the only way to see the band.]
Ted: You're getting on board with Barney's idea. Man, you really have snapped!
Lily: It's nine weeks 'til the wedding. I'd say "yes" to just about anything.
Barney: [saunters to Lily] Well...
Lily: No, Barney.

[Lily is frustrated that her father paid little attention over the phone that she was pregnant]
Marshall: Hey baby, I'm sorry. I want our kid to believe that the universe is magical, you know, like my dad taught me.
Lily: You know what my dad taught me? Nothing, 'cause he was never there. [grabs Marshall's Enigmas of the Mystical book and makes a fake reading] June 22nd, 1996. Brooklyn, New York: A man misses his daughter's high-school graduation. Later, she discovers that his babysitting money has been spent on a game called "Who Stole the Babysitting Money?" He never saw the irony in that. December 31st, 2011: A woman calls her father to tell him she's pregnant. He says "Great. Thanks," and hangs up on her.
Marshall: ...and after pushing her to call him, "I am a Bigfoot" is discovered in her husband's mouth.
Lily: I'm glad you're a believer baby, but I'm never gonna believe in an enigma of the mystical if I don't see it with my own eyes. Truth is, my father never taught me to believe in anything ... but myself.
Marshall: Well, if it helps at all, I believe in you too.
Lily: There's a pretty good chance I don't exist.

[Lily is panicking because the Fiero's brakes are too strong, the inertia splattered their takeout food all over the interior.]
Robin: Shut up! Now listen to me. The clock is ticking. Okay, first thing: we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. Next, what we need to take care of are the messy parts; the pools that have collected. We gotta soak that soup up. Last...is the smell. We gotta cover up that Tam Kuk Gai. You mentioned cigars?
Lily: There's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving...
Robin: Hand me those chopsticks.
[5 minutes later, Robin and Lily are smoking cigars]
Robin: Mmm, hey, how 'bout some tunes? [500 Miles by The Proclaimers starts playing] Ohh, great song!
[Lily shudders]
Lily: These cigars aren't helping at all.
Robin: [grinning] Yeah, this was a terrible idea.
Lily: Uggh, now it just smells like a...homeless guy threw up in here.
[Robin stares at her in amazement; Lily looks back at her. They have their alibi.]
[flash to present]
Marshall: The broken windows?
Lily: We had to make it look realistic!
Marshall: Well why did you break two of them?
Robin: Uhhh...it looked like fun when she did it so I wanted to try.
Marshall: I can't believe this whole time it was you guys; I've been blaming Really Tan Dancing Leotard guy.

[Lily just confessed to Ted the truth about engineering his breakups, especially that with Robin, which turned out to be accidental]
Robin: Oh my God!
Ted: Lily, you can't manipulate people like that! I've known you 12 years and I can honestly say I've NEVER BEEN MORE FURIOUS AT YOU!
Lily: Ted I...
Ted: I don't want to hear it..
Barney: [cuts in] Whoa whoa, settle down for a minute! I only have one question: [Turns to Marshall, asking about the nightshirts they are wearing] How do these bad boys feel in bed?
Marshall: Come, let's go see. [Marshall and Barney head to the bedroom]
Robin: So if it weren't for you, Ted and I would still be dating?
Lily: OR you would have stayed together far too long, had an incredibly bitter breakup and not even remain friends and [teary eyed, to Robin] you and I would never have become best friends.
Robin: You don't even have to say that. [Hugs Lily]
Ted: Stop hugging! Lily, you had no right to interfere in my relationships. You got lucky, okay? You met the love of your life in a dorm hallway when you were 18, but that doesn't give you the right to play God to the rest of us mortals down here who are still looking for someone. You are so concerned with about who you and Marshall are gonna end up in that front porch with-you know what, you can have it to yourselves. [leaves living room]

[Lily sees a College Marshall exhibit and she asks College Marshall to return to her]
College Marshall: You can't have me. Look at the sign. [Lily sees EXTINCT tag at exhibit signage] I'm extinct. I've gone the way of Jane's Addiction.
Lily: Actually, Jane's Addiction got back together.
College Marshall: They did?!
Lily: Yeah, they've done a few tours, they've put out a new album.
College Marshall: Are you serious? That is awesome! Are they just as good?
Lily: [pause] Sure.

[Lily takes Barney aside at MacLaren's after she sees him trying to seduce Claudia, who just called off the wedding with Stuart]
Lily: Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes!
Barney: Wait, my eyes or my testicles?
Lily: [thinks about it] One of each!

[Lily tries to talk to Marshall about him not being fertile]
Lily: Okay, now you're being ridiculous. An hour ago, you didn't even think there was a problem.
Marshall: I was just putting on a brave face. Think about it - we've had unprotected sex 203 times in the past four months. [high-fives Lily] Obviously, I'm the problem.
Barney: Problem? You can't get a girl pregnant -- that's the dream! I'd give my first-born to not be able to have children.

[Lily's caught by surprise at learning that Marshall's parents will live with them in the baby's first three months]
Lily: You know what, Marshall, why don't you have a baby with your Dad?
Marshall: Oh okay, Lily. Why don't you have a baby with your butt?
Lily: What?
Marshall: AAARGH! [stands up] I can't think straight! Why do you have to wear that shirt? [referring to Lily's shirt showing much cleavage] This is NOT HOW I THOUGHT THIS NIGHT WAS GOING TO GO!

[Marshall and Barney work the AC casinos]
Marshall: Hope Lily's okay.
Barney: Okay, that's it bro, we're turning off our phones for one hour.
Marshall: Motion denied.
Barney: Okay, you leave me no choice. Proposal, you give me one hour of phone-free bro time during which we - and by "we" I mean you - get magnificently, mythologically drunk, I'm talking needing-subtitles-when-you-speak drunk. If you can give me that, I...will wear this. [shows Ducky Tie]
Marshall: The...the Ducky Tie. I thought you threw it away.
Barney: I did...it came back.

[Marshall and Lily are caught by surprise that Barney slept in their bed]
Lily: Why are you in our bed?
Barney: I took the Drunk Train. I got stuck out here, oh God I'm so hung over...[excited at Lily's cleavage] Oh God, Lily, not wearing a bra!!!

[Marshall and Lily are making out on the couch when a pajama-clad Robin sits down and munches ice cream with beer]
Marshall: So Robin, how's the job and apartment search going?
Robin: [sarcastic] Oh you didn't hear? I'm a lead anchor on CNN and I've got a penthouse overlooking Central Park made of gold! Get your head out of your ass, Marshall!

[Marshall and Lily argue about their plans for an ideal wedding]
Marshall: Ok, I'm just saying that it's my wedding too and I should have a say in it.
Lily: But I'm the bride. So, I win.
Marshall: But I thought marriage is about two equal partners, sharing a life together.
Lily: Right, but I'm the bride. So, I win.

[Marshall and Lily castigate Barney for describing his first time to have sex with a girl, which seems familiar to Lily]
Lily: That's Dirty Dancing!
Ted: It was on last night.
Marshall: No, it was two nights ago. "She's Like the Wind" has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. I just got it out; now it's back in. Damn you, Swayze!

[Marshall and Lily freak out because the other acts like their own fathers]
Lily: AHHHH, I can't go through with this!
Marshall: Thank God, me neither.
Lily: You're too much like my dad.
Marshall: You're too much like my dad!
Lily: Your dad??