Serena: Britney with the umbrella!...Posh Spice in America!

Serena: Constance bad-girl-turned-good, Serena van der Woodsen, moves in with, Chuck Bass.
[Blair laughs]

Serena: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.
Chuck: You're starting to scare even me. What did you do?
Nate: C'mon, you can tell us.
Blair: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clarks. You don't have to hide anything from us.
Nate: She's right, Serena, I mean none of us are saints.
Blair: Yeah. [points back at Chuck] I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck: Several times.
Nate: I had sex with you, at a wedding while I was her date. [looks at Chuck] Once.
[Blair looks back at Chuck waiting for him to say something to comfort Serena]
Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass.
Blair: You can tell us anything. [Serena shakes her head] We don't judge. We're the non-judging Breakfast Club. We're your best friends. Anything you do is something we did too.
[Serena looks at Blair, Nate and Chuck]
Serena: If I tell you, it can never leave this room.

Serena: I don't want a bath.
Nate: Aw, too bad, Blair's direct orders.
Serena: Blair's not the boss of me.
Nate: Are you in here? Because Blair is the boss of all of us. Seriously, Serena, you smell like the floor of a brewery.
Serena: I do not!
Nate: Yes, you do.
Serena: Oh, my God. Yes, I do.
Nate: Yeah.
Serena: A brewery floor with a hint of second hand smoke.
Nate: And a pint of Old Spice.
Serena: I totally need a bath.
Nate: Yes, you do.
Serena: Blair's a bossy genius.
Nate: Yeah, she is.
Serena: [Using the shower head as a mic] So, what about you?
Nate: What about me? I don't smell like an ashtray.
Serena: But you look like an ass-tray.

Serena: I still miss Dan sometimes... more than sometimes.
Blair: The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey... is mourning Dan Humphrey.

Serena: I'm sorry. You were right.
Blair: I know.
Serena: When I got that call, I should have known you had nothing to do with it. I know I should have never pushed you to do this whole thing in the first place.
Blair: Actually, I'm glad you pushed me. It ended up being a very important day for me. I just thought it was going to be more fun.
Serena: I know, me too.

Serena: Mom is such a hypocrite. And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior.
Eric: And here, she's just mad at you for being her.
Dan: And all this time my dad has been giving me advice based on a girl he dated...a girl "a lot like Serena".
Jenny: Her mom.
Blair: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step dads.
Serena: Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan: No, or who satisfied her.
Serena: That's just...
Dan, Jenny, Eric, and Serena: Gross!

Serena: Oh God. Hot lifeguard has a Camaro. And not in an ironic-I've-got-a-Camaro kinda way.

Serena: Pick me up at 8?
Dan: You'd really go out with some guy you don't know?
Serena: Well, you can't be any worse than the guys I do know.

Serena: Salud, Chuck! Yes, I'm still fine. I haven't heard from Georgina in two weeks, so if you'd stop calling me I'd finally be rid of all of my monsters. Bye.

Serena: So, do you think we should talk about it?
Dan: Abo--You mean, about, about Vanessa? No, you know what? She's like family, it feels comfortable. So, therefore, she often shows up without calling.
Serena: No, I mean, about what almost, maybe, might have just happened.
Dan: Oh, you mean if Vanessa hadn't entered and we...
Serena: Or we can not talk about it. [Leans in to kiss Dan]
Rufus: [From outside the room] Dan! We're home. We got breakfast.
Dan: [Sits up from the bed and turns to Serena] Hungry?

Serena: So, how's your mom doing? With the divorce and everything.
Blair: Great. So, my dad left her for another man. She lost fifteen pounds, got an eye lift. It's been good for her.
Serena: I'm really sorry.
Blair: Yeah, I could tell, since you didn't call or write the entire time it was happening.
Serena: I, I know, it's just... boarding school --
Blair: I don't even know why you went to boarding school to begin with. Do you know how it felt calling your house when you didn't show up at school and having your mom say "Serena didn't tell you? That she moved to Connecticut?"
Serena: I just... I had to go, I... needed to get away from everything. Please, just trust me.
Blair: How can I trust you when I feel like I don't even know you?
Serena: Well, let's fix that. I saw you at school with Kati and Is and I get it. I don't wanna take any of that away from you.
Blair: Because it's just yours to take if you want it.
Serena: No, that's not what I mean. I miss you. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. You know, walking to school together, dancing on tables at Bungalow, night swimming at your mom's country house? You're like my sister. Y'know, with our families... we need each other.
Blair: Well, you missed some classic Eleanor Waldorf meltdowns. If it wasn't such a tragedy it would've been funny. Actually, it kinda was.
[They laugh]
Serena: Well, I wish I could have been there.
Blair: You are now. Well, I have to go meet Nate. We kind of have something special planned.
Serena: Well, I don't want to keep you, but, um... [She hugs Blair] I love you, B.
Blair: I love you too, S.

Serena: So, you took me to meet your dad on the first date?
Dan: So, this... this is a date? Oh. Maybe I should've worn my loafers, then. Dress down a little bit.

Serena: This is not a game!
Georgina: Aww c'mon, I'm just having a little fun.

Serena: This is not about last year, Georgina, it's about last night!
Georgina: Like you are some innocent bystander who walked in on... [Serena cuts in]
Serena: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT IT, GEORGINA, OKAY? And neither are you. If I'm going down, you're going down with me. In the meantime? Stay out of my life.
Georgina: I don't need anyone in my life who doesn't want to be there.
Serena: Then we're agreed.
[Georgina slams her door angrily]