Sarah: Are there any new developments?
Dan: Uh, no, no, more of the same. Jenny and her boyfriend are inseparable and Jenny is more insufferable.
Vanessa: Give her a break, Asher's her first love.
Dan: It's infatuation, it's not love.
Sarah: Yeah, but to a fifteen-year-old girl, there isn't a difference.
[Dan realises Sarah and Vanessa have a point]
Vanessa: And how long did it take you, Dan?
Dan: Uh, um, that's a little different, Vanessa. It took me... [Vanessa interrupts]
Vanessa: Uh, one glance at a ninth grade birthday party.
Dan: Yes, but two years to obsess over.

Blair: [On the phone] Hi, this is Blair Waldorf, I was wondering if any of the pieces I put on hold today were picked up. The diamond necklace. Okay, thank you. [Looking up at the ceiling] Thank you, thank you!

Sarah: So things are better with Serena?
Dan: Serena, yeah, yeah, good memory.
Sarah: Right.
Dan: Things are finally back to normal.
Sarah: Good. Well, I mean, you know, it's tough making friends in a new city. It would be really nice to meet her.
Dan: Yeah, Serena would love you. She loves everybody. Not that she wouldn't like you because she doesn't discriminate. Um, see what she meant about that rambling thing? [Vanessa laughs] How's tonight?
Sarah: Tonight would be perfect.
Dan: Good. See you.

Blair: [to Ms. Queller] I'm innocent. Well, except for a crime of passion. I did something stupid with someone and even worse than doing that stupid thing I did the same stupid thing with someone else and pretended I had never done that stupid thing before. You look confused, should I walk you through it?

Blair: [To Serena's voice mail] Maybe we should crash the shoot, anyway. See who they replaced me with. Make fun of that skinny bitch.

Anne: May I remind you that it was your own rash actions that got us into this predicament.
Nate: We're in this predicament because Dad has a drug problem. I was trying to help him.
Anne: Then help him.

Blair: At least I could have gotten a more interesting stand-in than James. You know how hard it is to find a good fake boyfriend on short notice?

Blair: [talking to Georgina] Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here.

Asher: Do you really think that someone like me would date someone like you, Jenny from Brooklyn?

Bart Bass: [to Chuck] What's with the business formal? Are you being arraigned for something?

Blair: Cat! Cat! Cat! Ew!
Nate: You don't have a cat, Jenny.
Blair: My name is Blair.
Nate: You don't have anyone. [Smirking]
Blair: But I'm Blair! I'M BLAIR!!!
[Blair gets woken up by Dorota from her dream]

Blair: [to Nate and Chuck] I need your help.
Nate: What's going on with her?

Blair: Best man speech going that well?
Chuck: There won't be a dry eye in the house, trust me. How did things go with Whore-gina?
Blair: Not a dry eye there either.
Chuck: Didn't know I wasn't missed?
Blair: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand it was nice to see him get his dirty for once. I'm not sure how much fun he had though, no one ever enjoys their first time. [Fixes Chuck's bowtie.]
Chuck: Except you, save me a dance? [Blair grabs hold of Chuck who was irritated by what Chuck said]
Blair: Now that Georgina's done, so are you and I, she was the last thing we had in common. [Kicks Chuck's shin, Chuck grunts after Blair kicks him] Ha, break a leg [sarcastically]
Chuck: I think I just did.
Season 2

Blair: Chuck likes to brag about his conquests, not his victims.

Blair: Damn that mother Chucker! He's totally right! I don't even like James!
Serena: Thank you. I was totally waiting for that.