Community quotes
200 total quotesJeff: Are you going to the faculty party? Make me your plus one.
Chang: Oh, give it up, Winger! Professor Slater doesn't date students... or married Asians who drive mopeds.
Jeff: I'll give you twenty bucks.
Chang: I'll bring the hog around.
Chang: Oh, give it up, Winger! Professor Slater doesn't date students... or married Asians who drive mopeds.
Jeff: I'll give you twenty bucks.
Chang: I'll bring the hog around.
Jeff: Batman. Are you staying for the party?
Abed: [in Batman costume] If I stay, there can be no party. I must be out there in the night, staying vigilant.
Wherever a party needs to be saved, I'm there.
Wherever there are masks, wherever there's tomfoolery and joy, I'm there.
But sometimes I'm not cause I'm out in the night, staying vigilant.
Watching. Lurking. Running. Jumping. Hurtling. Sleeping.
No, I can't sleep. You sleep. I'm awake. I don't sleep. I don't blink. Am I bird? No. I'm a bat.
I am Batman.
Or am I? Yes, I am Batman.
Happy Halloween.
Abed: [in Batman costume] If I stay, there can be no party. I must be out there in the night, staying vigilant.
Wherever a party needs to be saved, I'm there.
Wherever there are masks, wherever there's tomfoolery and joy, I'm there.
But sometimes I'm not cause I'm out in the night, staying vigilant.
Watching. Lurking. Running. Jumping. Hurtling. Sleeping.
No, I can't sleep. You sleep. I'm awake. I don't sleep. I don't blink. Am I bird? No. I'm a bat.
I am Batman.
Or am I? Yes, I am Batman.
Happy Halloween.
Jeff: Friends don't do what you did to us. Did the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants poison each other's food so they were too sick to leave? No! I've never seen it, but I'm pretty sure they MAILED EACH OTHER PANTS!
Annie: I said I was sorry!
Jeff: Who cares if you're sorry; we're still screwed! Be sorry about this stuff before you do it, then DON'T DO IT!
Annie: I said I was sorry!
Jeff: Who cares if you're sorry; we're still screwed! Be sorry about this stuff before you do it, then DON'T DO IT!
Jeff: Hey, Troy sneezes like a girl!
Troy: And how bout I pound you like a boy! That didn't come out right.
Troy: And how bout I pound you like a boy! That didn't come out right.
Jeff: Hey, you know what today is? [Hands Britta a card] It's the two week anniversary of my horrible first impression.
Britta: There's a card for that?
Jeff: Not specifically, but if you think of grandsons as a metaphor for friendship, I think you'll agree with this Transformer here that it's time for ours to become a man, by reading from the Torah.
Britta: There's a card for that?
Jeff: Not specifically, but if you think of grandsons as a metaphor for friendship, I think you'll agree with this Transformer here that it's time for ours to become a man, by reading from the Torah.
Jeff: How are you so satisified all the time, Abed? I mean, don't you ever want anything more out of life than cereal?
Abed: [thinking] Sometimes, I like to pour hot cocoa mix into cold milk, and drink it like a cold hot chocolate. I call it Special Drink.
Jeff: And someday, you will know it by it's true name: diabetes.
Abed: You're Goldie Hawn, Jeff.
Jeff: I'm sorry?
Abed: You're Goldie Hawn.
Jeff: Is it the lips?
Abed: No. In Overboard, she was just like you. Wealthy, assertive, arrogant, got manicures all the time. But then she fell off her boat, and it was a good thing for her, because, ultimately, she realized she was happier being poor and raising four unruly boys with Kurt Russell.
Jeff: Can I not be Kurt Russell in this scenario?
Abed: You can do whatever you want, you just have to know what that is. For me, it's Lucky Charms and TV.
[Abed and Jeff are watching The Jeffersons and eating cereal in their pajamas]
Abed: [thinking] Sometimes, I like to pour hot cocoa mix into cold milk, and drink it like a cold hot chocolate. I call it Special Drink.
Jeff: And someday, you will know it by it's true name: diabetes.
Abed: You're Goldie Hawn, Jeff.
Jeff: I'm sorry?
Abed: You're Goldie Hawn.
Jeff: Is it the lips?
Abed: No. In Overboard, she was just like you. Wealthy, assertive, arrogant, got manicures all the time. But then she fell off her boat, and it was a good thing for her, because, ultimately, she realized she was happier being poor and raising four unruly boys with Kurt Russell.
Jeff: Can I not be Kurt Russell in this scenario?
Abed: You can do whatever you want, you just have to know what that is. For me, it's Lucky Charms and TV.
[Abed and Jeff are watching The Jeffersons and eating cereal in their pajamas]
Jeff: How was hypnotherapy?
Britta: He fell down and screamed in pain while I laid there with my eyes closed to make him feel like a good hypnotherapist.
[After watching Abed's short films, which seem to predict everything that's going to happen with the group]
Britta: He fell down and screamed in pain while I laid there with my eyes closed to make him feel like a good hypnotherapist.
[After watching Abed's short films, which seem to predict everything that's going to happen with the group]
Jeff: I discovered at a very early age that if I talked for long enough, I could make anything right or wrong. So, either, I'm God or truth is relative. Either way, booyah.
Jeff: I'm saying, you're a football player. It's in your blood!
Troy: That's racist.
Jeff: Your soul.
Troy: That's racist.
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That's gay?
Jeff: That's homophobic.
Troy: That's black.
Jeff: That's racist.
Troy: Damn.
Troy: That's racist.
Jeff: Your soul.
Troy: That's racist.
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That's gay?
Jeff: That's homophobic.
Troy: That's black.
Jeff: That's racist.
Troy: Damn.
Jeff: It shouldn't be too hard to fake a study group, right?
Lunch Lady: Huh?
Jeff: Oh, jeez, I'm sorry. I was raised on TV, and I was conditioned to believe that every black woman over fifty is a cosmic mentor.
Lunch Lady: Were you conditioned to pay for your damn tacos, Seinfield?
Lunch Lady: Huh?
Jeff: Oh, jeez, I'm sorry. I was raised on TV, and I was conditioned to believe that every black woman over fifty is a cosmic mentor.
Lunch Lady: Were you conditioned to pay for your damn tacos, Seinfield?
Jeff: Let me tell you a little secret about me, Troy. Every day on my way to school, I drive through downtown, past the courthouse, just to get a glimpse of the world I once ruled, and I just want to jump out of my car, run up the steps, and exploit the legal system for profit, but I can't. I'm locked out of my old kingdom. You're not. You see what I'm saying?
Troy: [nodding] You're saying I could be a lawyer.
Troy: [nodding] You're saying I could be a lawyer.
Jeff: Now, let's meet the minimum requiremnts for a language credit, shall we?
[Shirley is upset that Britta won't go to the bathroom with her]
[Shirley is upset that Britta won't go to the bathroom with her]
Jeff: People can connect with anything. We can sympathize with a pencil, we can forgive a shark, and we can give Ben Affleck an Academy Award for screenwriting.
Jeff: Pierce, stop grinding on the Women's Studies department. You are too old to be tripping!
Pierce: I'm old?
Pierce: I'm old?