Boston Legal quotes
442 total quotesJonathan: Let me tell you something right now. If you start to intimidate my witnesses...
Jeffrey: Why yours? Do you have dibs?
Jonathan: Is this the way you wanna play it? Fine.
Jeffrey: Doesn't seem we can settle this with words. Maybe we should fight.
[Judge Hooper and Jonathan stare at him]
Jeffrey: Why does everyone in Boston just stare at me?
Jeffrey: Why yours? Do you have dibs?
Jonathan: Is this the way you wanna play it? Fine.
Jeffrey: Doesn't seem we can settle this with words. Maybe we should fight.
[Judge Hooper and Jonathan stare at him]
Jeffrey: Why does everyone in Boston just stare at me?
Judge Reese: In my chambers.
[Alan gets up]
Judge Reese: Just Ms. Schmidt and Mr. Tiggs.
Alan: Couldn't I come and just watch?
Judge Reese: [glaring at Alan menacingly] No.
[Alan gets up]
Judge Reese: Just Ms. Schmidt and Mr. Tiggs.
Alan: Couldn't I come and just watch?
Judge Reese: [glaring at Alan menacingly] No.
Judge Sanders: Alright, this would probably be a good time for a bowel movement. Er, Lunch! I mean lunch. Uh, 2 o'clock?
Alan: Could we say 2:30 and make time for both?
Judge Sanders: Silence! I won't stand for your... your...
Alan: Poop?
Alan: Could we say 2:30 and make time for both?
Judge Sanders: Silence! I won't stand for your... your...
Alan: Poop?
Judge Sanders: First of all, I will say, for the record, I don't believe in all that moisturizer, botox, fountain of youth poopycock!
Shirley: Oh please, Judge, how else could you look like you do at a hundred?
Shirley: Oh please, Judge, how else could you look like you do at a hundred?
Lincoln: From the first moment I saw you, do you know what I wanted to do?
Shirley: Pave my driveway?
Lincoln: I wanted to suck on your right earlobe. I'm sure people tell you you have soft, supple lobes.
Shirley: It gets old.
Lincoln: Is mocking me really an exercise of your most sound judgment, Shirley? After all, I do have in my possession a loaded firearm.
Shirley: Let alone a ukulele.
Shirley: Pave my driveway?
Lincoln: I wanted to suck on your right earlobe. I'm sure people tell you you have soft, supple lobes.
Shirley: It gets old.
Lincoln: Is mocking me really an exercise of your most sound judgment, Shirley? After all, I do have in my possession a loaded firearm.
Shirley: Let alone a ukulele.
Marlene: Brad, did you hear? Denise is getting married.
Brad: [to Denise] Really?
Denise: I was going to tell you.
Marlene: Sometimes it's easier to hear it from a third party.
[Denise attempts to hit Marlene, but she ducks as Denise's arm flies past]
Marlene: [emotionless] That could've hit me.
Brad: [to Denise] Really?
Denise: I was going to tell you.
Marlene: Sometimes it's easier to hear it from a third party.
[Denise attempts to hit Marlene, but she ducks as Denise's arm flies past]
Marlene: [emotionless] That could've hit me.
Marlene: Denise.
Denise: Marlene.
Marlene: I hear you're getting married.
Denise: I am.
Marlene: Congratulations. It must be a relief to have some financial security. Does Buzz know?
Denise: Buzz?
Marlene: Buzz Lightyear. Isn't that the nickname for the Ken-doll with benefits?
Denise: Marlene, I'm finding it extremely difficult not to assault you right now.
Marlene: [deadpan] Oh, I'm sorry. Am I being too familiar? I thought we were girlfriends. I was hoping the relationship wouldn't change when I made partner and you didn't but I guess it has. Oh well.
Denise: Marlene.
Marlene: I hear you're getting married.
Denise: I am.
Marlene: Congratulations. It must be a relief to have some financial security. Does Buzz know?
Denise: Buzz?
Marlene: Buzz Lightyear. Isn't that the nickname for the Ken-doll with benefits?
Denise: Marlene, I'm finding it extremely difficult not to assault you right now.
Marlene: [deadpan] Oh, I'm sorry. Am I being too familiar? I thought we were girlfriends. I was hoping the relationship wouldn't change when I made partner and you didn't but I guess it has. Oh well.
Marlene: You missed your ten o'clock.
Alan: Um, something came up.
Marlene: Something was supposed to come up, at the closet, at ten o'clock.
Alan: I've got a few minutes now if you'd like to go somewhere and... grab a bite.
Alan: Um, something came up.
Marlene: Something was supposed to come up, at the closet, at ten o'clock.
Alan: I've got a few minutes now if you'd like to go somewhere and... grab a bite.
Officer: [to Jerry] Mr Espenson, you were driving in the car pool lane. That lane's reserved for vehicles with two or more passengers. Sir, that is not a person in your passenger seat. [points to the plastic doll in the car]
Renee: She loved me.
Alan: Well, you made her laugh.
Renee: I'm funny.
Alan: Are you telling me this handwritten will is valid?
Shelby: Completely. It turns out Ms. Winger is also a lawyer.
Renee: The plot thickens.
Alan: Well, you made her laugh.
Renee: I'm funny.
Alan: Are you telling me this handwritten will is valid?
Shelby: Completely. It turns out Ms. Winger is also a lawyer.
Renee: The plot thickens.
Shirley: [threatening] Your resume intact?
Alan: Shirley, you're being retaliatory; it becomes you.
Alan: Shirley, you're being retaliatory; it becomes you.
Shirley: [to Ivan] What I can tell you is, there is no back door. That post-nup is as tight as your soon to be sixth ex-wife's tushy.
Shirley: [to Lincoln] We all live our lives on a ledge. And it takes surprisingly little to push us over.
Shirley: Are you okay?
Denise: It's just that ever since Daniel died, I... All I can think about is...
Shirley: Yeah.
Denise: Sex. [Shirley looks startled] I walk down the street anything I pass in pants...I wanna have sex!
Shirley: Oh.
Denise: I'm not kidding, Shirley. I wanna screw anybody and everybody. Denny Crane is looking good to me right now.
Denise: It's just that ever since Daniel died, I... All I can think about is...
Shirley: Yeah.
Denise: Sex. [Shirley looks startled] I walk down the street anything I pass in pants...I wanna have sex!
Shirley: Oh.
Denise: I'm not kidding, Shirley. I wanna screw anybody and everybody. Denny Crane is looking good to me right now.