Frank: No deal. He goes to jail. And tell your boy, between now and trial, he'd better not eat anyone else.
Alan: Tell me, Mr. Vote-For-Me-Come-November, what if you lose this trial? Did that ever occur to you?
Frank: Funny. It didn't.
Alan: Perhaps it should.
Frank: I would love to see how you can open this one... Shirley.

Gracie Jane: [on TV] It takes more than a stiff whack on the head to keep me down, folks. Trust me, I get hit harder during sex. I'm only sorry this creepo didn't have at me with a shovel during sweeps.
Lincoln: [turns the TV off] I knew I should've plunked her a second time! I just knew it!
Shirley: Are you telling me you're the one who assaulted her?
Lincoln: I say that in confidence, of course.

Ivan: [about his wife, Missy] God, I hate her.
Shirley: Oh boy.
Ivan: I tried this time. I want to love her. No, I do love her. She's just too much. Too much singing, too much sex. I'm not a young man anymore. And, well, there's the fact that she's stupid.

Ivan: Shirley, Paul. I believe you've met my attorney. Alan Shore.
Alan: How do you do?
Shirley: What's going on?
Ivan: I've told Alan my story and he agreed to help me.
Shirley: That's ridicules.
Alan: [raising his hand] I'm a fan of ridicules.

Jeffrey: Bit of a weak stream you got going there. Get your prostate checked?
Brad: What did you say to me?
Jeffrey: Never mind.
Brad: So what? You're gonna make fun of my flow now?
Jeffrey: I'm sorry. It just seems a little lackluster. I would think a Marine would be a little more 'Hup To'. You gonna hit me, Brad?
Brad: Oh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you? For me to sink to your level.

Jeffrey: By the way, you are?
Denise: Drop dead.

Jeffrey: Denny. Seen Shirley?
Denny: Why?
Jeffrey: She was gonna meet me.
Denny: Why?
Jeffrey: We had some business to discuss.
Denny: What sort of business?
Jeffrey: The kind that wasn't yours, actually.
Denny: I told Alan, I'm telling you. Stay away from Shirley.

Jeffrey: I assured him the police never arrest innocent people. Just doesn't happen. I'm sure you in particular are never wrong.
Cop: I thought you came down here to cooperate?
Jeffrey: You killed the moment.
Cop: I can officially detain him.
Jeffrey: In which case he officially asks for he's lawyer and you can't talk to him. What is this? Good cop bad cop? If so, send in the good cop!
Cop: [Stare]
Jeffrey: That's quite a look.

Jeffrey: I suppose we better work this out.
Brad: Does it have to be now?
Jeffrey: Well, it is the season. Peace on Earth...love for your fellow man...
Brad: Wait. What was that?
Jeffrey: "Love for your fellow man"?
Brad: No, before that.
Jeffrey: "Peace on Earth"?
Brad: Liberal. I knew it!

Jeffrey: Small point. Mr Little here is a witness. Your questions seems to suggest he's a suspect. Maybe it's just me. You might try asking whether there were any cars parked in the street. Any strange people in the area. Any other information that might shed some light into who killed her. You do wanna know right?
Cop: You wanna let me do my job?
Claire: He's hoping you'll do it.
Cop: [Stare]
Claire: What? You wanna ask me out?

Jeffrey: Standing real close. It's okay. I'm a personal guy myself. As a matter of fact, I like to talk to people directly and not read their reports. That is why I went to see the corner. Chatty little fella. Okay, that's a little too close now.
Jonathan Winant: Here's the deal.
Jefrey: I love deals!
Jonathan Winant: ... ... Do I make myself clear?
Jeffrey: You do. And if you think I've broken the law, arrest me. And insist on it. You're staring. That's cause you can't think of anything to say or Richmond told you that works. You know, when my mind goes blank, I just like to go with my old standby which is, of course,' Go screw yourself. Do I need to include instructions with that?' Everybody gives me the look.

Jeffrey: The angry, bald little husband killed his wife... just like in the movies.

Jerry: [to himself] You can do it. You can do it.
Alan: Jerry, do it now.

Jerry: I've handled multi-national corprate bankruptcies, high profile murder cases and defended manufacturing giants against product liability charges.
Shirley : Yes?
Jerry: And you assign me the duck lady?
Shirley : Is she just sitting alone in your office?
Jerry: She has the duck!
Season 4

Jerry: My client proceeded to go hiking without her and returned, there was her friend hanging around the house. And when I say hanging, Alan, I mean like a pinata.