Boston Legal quotes

442 total quotes



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Denny: Alan you know the one thing we sometimes forget is no matter how hard your day, no matter how tough your choices were, how complex your ethical decisions...you always get to choose what you want for lunch.
Alan: Daily I am amazed at your inexhaustable ability to just live.
Denny: It's either that or die.

Denny: Alan, Bev is the woman I've always dreamed of. An angel in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen.
Alan: I think it's the other way around.
Denny: Not last night.

Denny: Alan, I've loved you like a...
Alan: Sister?
Denny: We're Americans. And to be critical in a time of war...even the Democrats are smart enough to keep their mouths shut on this.

Denny: Are we setting a bad example? I shoot people.
Alan: I bribe them.
Denny: We drink.
Alan: We smoke.
Denny: I'm unfaithful.
Alan: Not to me.
Denny: Never to you.
Alan: We're not setting examples. We're just being true to who we are.
Denny: Who are we?
Alan: Denny Crane.
Denny: Alan Shore.
Alan: Leaders of men.
Denny: With bull's eyes on our asses.

Denny: Because we're friends, I'm gonna tell you something nobody else knows. I'm homophobic.
Alan: [deadpan] I'm stunned.

Denny: Can I fish yet?
Guide: You still have a timeout. You just sit there.

Denny: Canada, Japan, England. Any number of those pinko countries, I'd be in jail for shooting somebody.
Alan: God bless America.

Denny: Certainly you'd want me by your side at this trial.
Kelly Nolan: I'm sure you're very sweet, but old men tend to die on me.
Denny: I'm Denny Crane. No bigger ass--asset! You want me at your table.

Denny: Daniel!
Daniel: Denny!
Denny: Lookin' good.
Daniel: Thank you. You wanna come to my funeral?
Denny: Oh, funerals are sad.
Daniel: Well, this one'll be fun.
Denny: Count me in!
Daniel: Tomorrow night.
Denny: No can do, busy... Rain check?
Daniel: [pauses] ...Absolutely.
Denny: [nods to Denise] He's a keeper! [walks off]
Daniel: Denny's great.
Denise: Yep.
Daniel: He doesn't hear a thing anyone says, does he?
Denise: Nope.

Denny: Denny Crane. My poop doesn't smell. Comes out in pretty colors, pastels. Denny Crane.

Denny: Denny Crane.
Shirley: That is not a legal defense.

Denny: Does that mean you're back on the market?
Shirley: Denny, as far you're concerned I'm always on the market.

Denny: We know we don't deserve Shirley Schmidt. Just the possibility is enough to sustain us.
Shirley: You are a dear, sweet man. And I have something else that might sustain you. [whispers into his ear] Denny Crane.

Denny: Don't talk about the environment. It's too political and half the people are against you.
Alan: Half the people are against the environment?

Denny: Drop the case, do it now... I'm directing you. Drop it.
Alan: No.

Denny: First of all, I haven't had sex with a camel since I was in the Army. And the camel never complained.