Garrett: This is my office.
Catherine: Oh, I needed a base of operations for my sandwich cart business.
Garrett: But... I...
Catherine: You're a first year, right? [Garrett nods yes] Well, it goes like this: named partner, senior partner, junior partner, senior associates, sandwich lady, xerox guy, janitor, first years.

Gracie Jane: [referring to the poor in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina] Maybe they couldn't get out. Maybe they thought the federal government might rescue them or, failing that, give a damn.
Denny: How stupid is that?

Gracie Jane: Gracie Jane.
Denny: Denny Crane.
Gracie Jane: Gracie Jane.
Denny: Are you making fun of me?

Ivan: I brought wine, cheese, and condoms. I thought we'd picnic.
Shirley: Missy came to my office today.
Ivan: Aw. So just the wine and cheese.

Ivan: So basically if I screw around she gets my life.
Shirley: Not your whole life, just the parts you love.

Judge Harvey Cooper: Mr. Shore, This, this woman is trying to manipulate this process. I will not be manipulated.
Denny: (Whispered To Alan) Mad Cow!
Judge Cooper: Silence! (To Alan) She likely fired her last attorney because she told him she did it, and he couldn't have put her on the stand to lie, so she was forced to retain new counsel, thereby keeping them in the dark. And now we have you, (to Denny) and you.
Denny: Well, if this woman wishes to manipulate me in the dark, then...
Alan: Denny...
Judge Cooper (To Denny) Silence!
Denny: (Whispered To Alan) The eye!
Judge Cooper (Whispered) Quiet!

Judge Peter Harding: And how are we supposed to understand what she's saying?
Malcolm: Well, we have her affidavit. Plus as it happens, I speak cello.

Judge Resnick: Halloween is a secular holiday. More importantly, it's a silly holiday...I advise both parties to lighten up.

Judge Robert Sanders: I've had enough of all this. Mr. Crane, you've had no excuse to be carrying a gun.
Denny: 2nd Amendment. Founding Fathers. You probably knew them.

Judge Sanders: (to Alan) I think I have enough probable cause, Mr. Shoup. The victim is in the hospital.
Alan: Actually, your honor, since our last get together, I've changed my name from Shoup to Shore. I figured since it's on my birth certificate and driver's license, not to mention the pleadings before you, though I never expect you to read the pleadings because of their (with Judge Sanders) Jibber Jabber.

Judge Sanders: I've had enough of all this! Mr. Crane, you had no excuse to be carrying a gun.
Denny: (To Judge Sanders) Second Amendment! Founding Fathers! You probably knew them.
Judge Sanders: Jibber Jabber!
(After Dr. Field pulls out a gun)

Judge Sanders: Mr. Shore! The court instructed you not to poop!

Judge Sanders: Silence! Mr. Shore, you are the defendent! I don't want to hear another poop out of you! How do you plea?
Alan: Not guilty by reason of the District Attorney's insanity.
Judge Sanders: Alright, we'll set-That's not a real plea!
Alan: Not guilty then.

Judge Sanders: Ten A.M. tomorrow. And I would ask Counsel to check his sense of humor at the door. My courtroom is a temple of decorum. And I do not tolerate jibber-jabber.

Judge Sanders: What is this jibber jabber?
Alan: That wouldn't be jibber jabber, Your Honor, that's a gun.