Jeffrey: Standing real close. It's okay. I'm a personal guy myself. As a matter of fact, I like to talk to people directly and not read their reports. That is why I went to see the corner. Chatty little fella. Okay, that's a little too close now.
Jonathan Winant: Here's the deal.
Jefrey: I love deals!
Jonathan Winant: ... ... Do I make myself clear?
Jeffrey: You do. And if you think I've broken the law, arrest me. And insist on it. You're staring. That's cause you can't think of anything to say or Richmond told you that works. You know, when my mind goes blank, I just like to go with my old standby which is, of course,' Go screw yourself. Do I need to include instructions with that?' Everybody gives me the look.

Jeffrey: The angry, bald little husband killed his wife... just like in the movies.

Jerry: [to himself] You can do it. You can do it.
Alan: Jerry, do it now.

Jerry: I've handled multi-national corprate bankruptcies, high profile murder cases and defended manufacturing giants against product liability charges.
Shirley : Yes?
Jerry: And you assign me the duck lady?
Shirley : Is she just sitting alone in your office?
Jerry: She has the duck!
Season 4

Jerry: My client proceeded to go hiking without her and returned, there was her friend hanging around the house. And when I say hanging, Alan, I mean like a pinata.

Jonathan: Let me tell you something right now. If you start to intimidate my witnesses...
Jeffrey: Why yours? Do you have dibs?
Jonathan: Is this the way you wanna play it? Fine.
Jeffrey: Doesn't seem we can settle this with words. Maybe we should fight.
[Judge Hooper and Jonathan stare at him]
Jeffrey: Why does everyone in Boston just stare at me?

Judge Brown: Do you know what my mother would call you? A namby-pamby. Weak and spineless, bellyaching about some trumped up medical excuse.

Judge Brown: I don't like this. Your office gets behind, so you just let criminals walk?
Alan: It's reassuring to see that you haven't formed any conclusions about my client's guilt or innocence.
Judge Brown: You know what my mother says? �If it smells funny, I'm not eating it.��
Alan: Exact opposite of my motto.

Judge Clark Brown: Now I'm going to do the interrupting. If Nothing Else I pride myself on being conscientious fact finder.
Denny: Oh Brother
Judge Brown: Mr. Crane, did you say something?
Denny: It's a stupid law. Overturn it, be a man.
Shirley: Mr. Crane was trying to be helpful, apparently he did not succeed.
Judge Brown: We will hold an evidentiary hearing at 2:00. We will first hear from the Mayor and then, Miss Schmidt, if you choose, we will hear from your client. Until then, we are adjourned.
Denny: Put on a dress
Judge Brown: 2:00!
Shirley: (To Denny) What are you doing?
Denny: I know this Judge. I know where his buttons are.
Shirley: Research shows, Denny, it's not wise to antagonize the people whose favor you're trying to court!
Denny: Oh, come on Shirley. You still antagonize me and we both know what's really going on, don't we?
Shirley: You sweet man. It's been a long time since anyone's hit my button. I doubt you'd even know where to find it!
Denny: Just a matter of time, Shirley, just a matter of time. (To client, who's sitting right next to them) This doesn't involve you, man, it's sexual.

Judge Clark Brown: There's a reason for that. If people had the choice to serve domestically, they'd do so; in which case we'd lose our backdoor draft and not have enough poor people to fight our war!
Season 5

Judge Harvey Cooper: Mr. Shore, This, this woman is trying to manipulate this process. I will not be manipulated.
Denny: (Whispered To Alan) Mad Cow!
Judge Cooper: Silence! (To Alan) She likely fired her last attorney because she told him she did it, and he couldn't have put her on the stand to lie, so she was forced to retain new counsel, thereby keeping them in the dark. And now we have you, (to Denny) and you.
Denny: Well, if this woman wishes to manipulate me in the dark, then...
Alan: Denny...
Judge Cooper (To Denny) Silence!
Denny: (Whispered To Alan) The eye!
Judge Cooper (Whispered) Quiet!

Judge Hingham: You want children to sit in the lap of a ho-mo-sexual?
Alan: Technically Judge I think Homosexual is just one word.
(Later in the episode when Alan is closing Judge Hingham says ho-mo-sexual again)

Judge Peter Harding: And how are we supposed to understand what she's saying?
Malcolm: Well, we have her affidavit. Plus as it happens, I speak cello.

Judge Reese: In my chambers.
[Alan gets up]
Judge Reese: Just Ms. Schmidt and Mr. Tiggs.
Alan: Couldn't I come and just watch?
Judge Reese: [glaring at Alan menacingly] No.

Judge Resnick: Halloween is a secular holiday. More importantly, it's a silly holiday...I advise both parties to lighten up.