Beavis: Check it out, Butt-head, a whore!
Butt-head: Uh...what makes you think that's a whore, Beavis?
Beavis: I was just, you know, I was just pretending, I guess. I don't know.
Butt-head: Uh...well, if you're gonna do that, why not just pretend, you know, you're doing it with her?
Beavis: Oh, well I was gonna do that. See, I was gonna pretend she was a whore, and then I was gonna pretend I had some money, and then I was gonna pretend I was doing her, see? That's how it works, see? That's what you call a fantasy, bungwipe.

Beavis: Check it out, Butt-head, go-karts!
Butt-head: Go-karts rule.
Beavis: When I'm old, instead of a car, I'm gonna have a go-kart! [imitates an engine] Brrrrrffffftttt!!!
Ted Nugent, Heads Will Roll [a guillotine falls and blood spatters all over the screen]

Beavis: Check it out, he's watching TV.
Butt-head: Yeah! And it's like, we're watching TV, so it's like, we're watching two TVs for the price of one.
Beavis: Um ... what two TVs? I don't understand.
Butt-head: Beavis, we're watching TV, and then there's another TV in the TV.
Beavis: Oh. There's like a TV inside the TV? Let's break it open and find it! Yeah!
Butt-head: Boy, Beavis. You're stupid.
Beavis: Well, well...okay.

Beavis: Check it out, I was at this concert, and then like Lars points at me. [Lars Ulrich points at the crowd] See? He's said, "There's Beavis"! And there I am, right there!
Butt-head: Beavis, you've never been to a concert in your life.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! Your mom's a slut!
Butt-head: Beavis, Metallica suck. They've never made out with a chick either.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! [the two can be seen hitting each other]

Beavis: Check it out, it's Corky!

Beavis: Check it out, Scotty. [imitates Scotty] Captain, she's breaking up! We can't hold out much longer! Get out your seat and jump around! Jump around!
Butt-head: [also imitating Scotty] Get out your seat and jump around. Jump around.
Beavis: These guys are like, it's like they're trying to be House of Pain.
Butt-head: Yeah. And the Beastie Boys, and uh, Goodfellas...
Beavis: And Resavore Dogs.

Beavis: Check it out. She's leaving him because he sucks.
Yes, Owner of a Lonely Heart

Beavis: Check this out, Butt-head. I got a joke. This is really good. Knock knock!
Butt-head: Uh...who's there?
Beavis: Eura.
Butt-head: Eura who?
Beavis: You're a buttmunch! Dillhole! Dumbass! And a turd!
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis!
Beavis: I just made that up! I made that one up myself!

Beavis: Check this out, Butt-head. It starts out pretty cool, then it starts rocking more and more. [Hums along with bass line] See?
Butt-head: I get the point, Beavis, now will you shut up so I can hear it?

Beavis: Come on, Butt-head, this video sucks.
Butt-head: Uh, it sucks now, but like, there's something cool later.
Beavis: Really?
Butt-head: Yeah, just cool out.
Beavis: Come on Butt-head, this sucks, what happens?
Butt-head: Uh, it's like it sucks and sucks, and then it's like, it's over. It's really cool.
Beavis: Oh yeah, yeah. I can hardly wait 'til it's over! This is gonna be cool!
[They begin to fall asleep]
Butt-head: [slaps Beavis] Wake up, butthole, you're gonna miss the cool part!
Beavis: Oh! Oh, thanks! So like, um, is it over yet?
Butt-head: Uh, here it comes! Yes! Yes!
Beavis: Yeah!
Butt-head: Cool!
Beavis: Yeah! It's over! Yeah, that was cool!
Faith No More, Diggin' the Grave

Beavis: Cool! Fire! Fire! FIRE!!!
Butt-head: What's wrong with you, Beavis? This sucks. Just because you have fire in your video doesn't mean you're cool.
Beavis: Yeah, but the fire itself is pretty cool.
Butt-head: No way, Beavis. Vince Neil's a wuss.

Beavis: Cool, a cartoon.
Butt-head: Those aren't cartoons, dumbass. That's just clay.
Beavis: So? Clay can be cartoons.
Butt-head: No it can't. Cartoons are, like, drawings, or something. Clay is, like, a thing.
Beavis: So? Drawings are things.
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, you're never gonna out...be...be smarter than me. So don't even try. Just shut up.

Beavis: Dammit, I'm sick of seeing water in videos.
Butt-head: Yeah, but this water's cool because it's like, over by the power plant.
Beavis: Oh yeah. Remember when we went swimming by the power plant, it's like, all warm and stuff? That was cool.
Butt-head: No it wasn't! Your turds were all orange for a month, and you got those big blisters on your nads.
Beavis: I know! That's what I'm saying. It was cool.

Beavis: Dammit, it's like...they keep showing naked feet and hands, and it's like...they need to show the rest.
Butt-head: You have to wait, Beavis. They like to, you know...show a little bit at a time.
Beavis: Okay, okay, I can wait. [sings along] Has the whole world lost its head...[Sees feet again] AAH, NO! YOU'RE GONNA STUB YOUR TOE! DAMMIT, I WANNA SEE A BOOB NOW!
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, shut up!
Godspeed, Houston St.

Beavis: Dammit, what's going on here? This chick is talking! Is this a commercial or a video? What is this?!
Butt-head: Beavis, just shut up, and like...free your mind or something.
Beavis: I wanna know what it is...like, I can't pay attention to this!
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, can't you just like...cool out and listen?
Beavis: Dammit Butt-head, what kind of crap are you talking? You sound like a damn hippie!
Butt-head: Beavis, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that. I'm not gonna smack you today.
Ned's Atomic Dustbin, All I Ask of Myself Is That I Hold It Together