Beavis: Almost everything in this video is cool.
Butt-head: What do you mean, almost? What else do you want?
Beavis: Um, well, it would be pretty cool, like, if somebody puked.
[A guy in the video is about to throw up in a sink]
Butt-head: So let it be done. Check it out, Beavis.
Beavis: AARGHH! That was disgusting!
Butt-head: You asked for it, dude.
Beavis: Yeah, but I didn't ask for blood in it. That was beyond the limits of good taste.
Kylie Minogue, The Loco-Motion

Beavis: Alright! A chick band. Look at all these naked dudes! They're just like sitting there! What's going on?
Butt-head: Yeah. Look, you can see that one dude's nutsack!
Beavis: Look, a buttcheek! A schlong! A nad!
Butt-head: Those are just hands, Beavis. That's not his nads, his nutsack or his buttcheeks.
Beavis: I don't know. You know, this is kind of messed up. It's like, they have all these dudes there, and like, they don't even think of them like people. They're just there, like they're these things for these chicks to look at and get off on, it's like, it's disgusting! This band should be ashamed of the way they're treating men, and um, and uh, these men shouldn't have the uh, they should not be in this video!
Butt-head: Uh, well...if these chicks asked you to get naked and be in their video, would you do it?
Beavis: Uh, yeah! But that's different; see, but then it would be me, and I'd be naked. That would rule.

Beavis: Alright, golf. Yeah, I'm up for this.
Butt-head: Check this out. [quiet voice] He's teeing off...he's using his woody.
Beavis: [quiet voice] He's trying to get a bunghole in one.
Butt-head: We can see some dork riding a tricycle down the street. He's in the rough.
Beavis: Whoa, look a fight! Yeah, yeah, hit him!
Butt-head: If they had fights in golf, maybe it would be cool.
Beavis: Yeah, then maybe I could watch it.
Butt-head: You watch golf all the time, Beavis.
Beavis: Oh yeah. Golf is cool.

Beavis: Alright, Montel Williams! Maybe they'll have some whores.
Butt-head: Yeah. Or some sluts!
Beavis: Or a girlfight.
Butt-head: Yeah, or some skank-hos!
Beavis: Yeah...ah, oh no. It's a video.
Butt-head: Uh...
Beavis: ...yeah.
Butt-head: Well, see you later Beavis. [Gets up from couch and walks away]
Beavis: Ah, wait wait wait. Wait just a minute. Just check out. Maybe like, "give it a chance?"
Butt-head: Uh...okay. [sits back down] At least it doesn't look like a video.
Beavis: Yeah, exactly.

Beavis: And to think that this dude used to boff Pamela Anderson.
Butt-head: Like that would ever happen.
Beavis: I think it did happen. But anyway, she's on this thing with, um, this guy, his name is...Anthony Roberts, he has these tapes, and these things, and he makes you feel good. She watched him, and now she has huge hooters and she's on TV. It's pretty cool, I was thinking of getting some of those tapes.
Butt-head: Yeah, you'd look good with big hooters, Beavis.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head. You know that's not what I meant.

Beavis: Are you gonna change the channel, Butt-head?
Butt-head: Why bother? All we seem to get on this TV is bad videos
Beavis: Oh yeah, yeah.

Beavis: Bombastic! Yeah. [imitating Shaggy] BOMB-BAS-TIC! De bombastic.

Beavis: Boy, it's like, he's trying to play heavy metal now or something.
Butt-head: He can probably make any kind of music suck.
Beavis: Yeah, it's like, he's probably gonna do gangsta rap next, probably like [does a bad imitation of Michael Bolton] "Droppin' plates on yo ass, bee-otch!"
Butt-head: Yeah. Then he'd put the smackdown.

Beavis: Boy, this is turning out to be pretty good.
Butt-head: You know, when I see two girls kissing, it kinda gives me a special feeling.
Beavis: Yeah, me too. Kinda makes me wanna...make a stool. Poop!
Butt-head: Damn it Beavis, you are messed up!

Beavis: Butt tattoos kick ass!
Butt-head: And ass tattoos kick butt.

Beavis: Butt-head, do you think I could make some like money if I acted like a weird chick.
Butt-head: I think you have to be like from England or something.
Beavis: Dammit.

Beavis: Butt-head, this reminds me of that movie I saw, that...Crocodile Dumbdee, and um...I was just gonna say, um, he's from...down under. You know, down under?
Butt-head: Okay Beavis, I get it. Down under.

Beavis: Butt-head, you think he has morning wood?
Butt-head: Yeah. He's got a breakfast burrito.
Beavis: Yeah. [[Imitates Mexican accent] And a chimichanga! A chimichanga!

Beavis: Check it out, Butt-head! It's Mallory, that chick from Family Ties.
Butt-head: Yeah. This is really noisy.
Beavis: Yeah. Noise is cool.

Beavis: Check it out, Butt-head! It's the Noid.
Butt-head: Cool! The Noid is cool.
Beavis: Avoid the Noid! Avoid the Noid! I like to say that. Avoid the Noid!
Butt-head: Uh ... wait a minute, that's not the Noid. That's Satan.