Beavis: Uh...okay, here it comes. [Lead singer hits her open hands against her head] YEAH, COME ON, HIT YOURSELF! YEAH!
Butt-head: She kinda looks like she got a little special feeling from doing that.

Beavis: Um, heh, hey Butt-head, what kind of music is this?
Butt-head: Uh...
Jim: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT IIIISS!!!
Butt-head: Uh huh huh huh huh.
Jim: IT'S SOME KINDA TEXAS PSYCHOBILLY FREAKOUT, THAT'S WHAT IT IIISS!!!
Butt-head: I think it's, like, some kind of country music, but it's, like, country music after you've been, like, playing Centipede for, like, twenty four hours.
Beavis: Oh yeah, yeah. This would make good music to play, like, while your playing Centipede? It's like, y'know, instead of you just goin' around goin': "DUN DUN DUN DUN DIDDLE-A DA DA DUN DUN DUN DUN DIDDLE-A DA!" Heheheheh, yeah, yeah!
Butt-head: I bet you could score a lot of points.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! Yeah, maybe you could score! Yeah!
Rollins Band, Disconnect

Beavis: Um, heh, is this football?
Butt-head: Uhhh, no I think this is that, uh, shampoo commercial.
Beavis: No it's not! Y'know what this is? This is Telemundo! [gibbers in Spanish]
Butt-head: How come you always watch Telemundo, Beavis?
Beavis: Um, because they have all these fine chicks, with big boobs, and like, really tight dresses.
Butt-head: Oh yeah. It seems like they always have some big, fat host on Telemundo, who's like, all dorky looking. And then like, all the chicks are really good looking.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, that guy's cool!
Butt-head: Yeah, he always walks up to the chicks with his microphone and goes: "Aprenda, [Spanish gibberish]."
Beavis: Oh yeah. I bet he scores constantly!

Beavis: Um, heh, one thing about this video though, that's really cool and everything, but then it just stops! Like, just, out of nowhere.
Butt-head: Uh-[the video ends]
Danzig, Mother

Beavis: Um, hey, Butt-head, I think the phone is ringing.
Butt-head: Yeah, well make it stop.
Beavis goes to the phone and answers it.

Beavis: Um, I'd like to talk about rollercoasters for a minute.
Butt-head: [humoring him] Okay, Beavis.
Beavis: You know how like, sometimes you're on a rollercoaster and it feels like your nads are floating inside your sack?
Butt-head: Uh, yeah.
Beavis: Well um, heh, it gives me a special feeling. I also get that on elevators sometimes.
Butt-head: Uh, oh yeah, me too. I kinda get a special feeling in my buttcheeks when an elevator goes down.

Beavis: Um... I thought you said we were gonna see her epnaspermis.
Butt-head: Uh... no. But your epidermis is showing.
Beavis: Um... what? No way! Are you talking about my nutsack?
Butt-head: You don't know what it is! And everyone can see it.
Beavis: Shut up! Your epraspermis is showing! And your nads are too, bunghole!

Beavis: Um... is that guy dead, or is he just like, sleeping?
Butt-head: I don't know, but either way it's cool.

Beavis: Um...is this Alice Cooper?
Butt-head: Uh...this is a chick, Beavis. This is an all-chick band.
Beavis: Oh yeah. You couldn't put Alice Cooper in an all-chick band anyway, because like, all the chicks would just be all over him.
Butt-head: Yeah. It would be the same way if I was in an all-chick band.
Beavis: Yeah. Same for like me, or something.

Beavis: Um...is this Robert Plant?
Butt-head: Plantman? What's that?
Beavis: Whoa, check it out, that's that thing I always play on the drums. I can play that. [imitates randomly hitting a drum kit] Dadadadah dudududuh dudududuh dudududuh duh!
Butt-head: That's probably the only thing this guy can play. He like, brings his friends over and goes "Hey check this out. Dudududuh dudududuh dudududuh duh!"

Beavis: Um...this is like...um, some show, right?
Butt-head: Uh...of course it is, buttmunch! It's on TV.
Beavis: No but um...I don't think this is a video.
Butt-head: They don't play many videos anymore. It's all like...shows, and people snowboarding and stuff.

Beavis: Um...water! Wa-ter!
Butt-head: Yep, there's some water.

Beavis: Um...what kind of music is this?
Butt-head: Uh...I think this is like some kinda gangsta rap.

Beavis: Um...who are you?
McVicker's secretary: This is Highland High calling. We're trying to figure out why Beavis and Butt-head haven't been in school for the past three weeks.
Beavis: Oh. Um...yeah, they're dead.

Beavis: Um...whoa, cool! Look at that giant worm thing!
Butt-head: It's like, it eats really hot chicks, and then it takes a dump.
Beavis: Now that's a damn good show right there. [mock-Arabic accent] Yeah, yeah, yeah, they shall drown in their own blood!
Butt-head: [also imitating an Arabic accent] The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers.
Beavis: The mother of all wars has begun!