Beavis: I like this part in here after she says she kissed a girl, where it goes "Nyayayayayayayaya!"
Butt-head: If there were two chicks right here, making out, you'd probably just go "WAAAHHHUHHHHHHHHUHHHHHHHH!!!!", and talk about stools and stuff.
Beavis: Yep. Sit back, watch a couple chicks make out and talk about stools.
Sonic Youth, Bull in the Heather

Beavis: I like when girls fight, 'cause they're like "She called me a bitch, and I said you're a slut, well we'll go outside and see who the slut is, bitch!"
Butt-head: Settle down, Beavis.

Beavis: I think I know what this is. I think this is, um, Davey and Goliath.
Butt-head: Oh yeah. That's that show that's on Sunday mornings when there's nothing on but church.
Beavis: You know one thing about that show, you know that Goliath is, um, he's supposed to be a dog, but I've never seen him lick his nads. Have you ever noticed that?
Butt-head: I saw him do it once real fast. He was probably like [imitating Goliath] "Uhh, Davey, you should try this."
Beavis: Yeah, and then Davey said "Maybe I should pet you first." And you know, also, you know, I've never seen him poop either.
Butt-head: I thought I saw him poop once, but I think it was just, like, a piece of clay that fell off his butt.
Korn, Blind

Beavis: I think this is...I think this is like, Happy Days.
Butt-head: Yeah. Crappy days.
Beavis: That was pretty funny, Butt-head. Instead of Happy Days, you called it Crappy Days.

Beavis: I was like, AGHH!! MY LEG!! Uh I mean, AGHH!! MY NECK!!!

Beavis: I wonder what the most beautiful chick in the world looks like.
Butt-head: Uh, well, she has to be naked.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. And she'd have to have boobs.
Butt-head: Uhh, yeah. It'd also be cool if she had a butt, too.
Beavis: Yeah! That would rule! And also like, if her butt was naked!
Butt-head: Uhh, yeah. Well, you know, when I said she'd have to be naked, I meant, you know, down there.
Beavis: Yeah, really.

Beavis: I wonder what the rest of her body looks like? [the camera pans down to her legs] Oh yeah. Thank you very much.
Butt-head: Thank you, may I have another?

Beavis: I'm getting kinda sick of Janet Jackson.
Butt-head: Yeah. She always has a bunch of chicks sitting around and talking before the video.

Beavis: I'm gonna go to the kitchen.
Butt-head: Why?
Beavis: 'Cause I have to take a leak.
Butt-head: Uh... you mean the bathroom, Beavis.
Beavis: Um... oh yeah, didn't really matter. [Beavis gets up and leaves]
Butt-head: You should stick around, Beavis, because later on, you could see her... epidermis.
Beavis: Um... OK, maybe I'll stick around for a couple of minutes.

Beavis: I've had enough of this crap. I'm gonna go to the kitchen. [leaves again]
Butt-head: Hey Beavis, get back in here! I just saw something cool! Whoa, Beavis, get back in her! Her pants are hiked up her butt!
Beavis: Where? Where?!
Butt-head: Dumbass!
AC/DC, Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap

Beavis: Is that Snoop Doggy Dog?
Butt-head: No, dumbass. That's a chick. She's got his haircut, though.
Beavis: She's a weirdo.
Butt-head: She's like one of those drama club teachers.
Beavis: They're always trying to get you to prance around like some kind of wussy.
Butt-head: Yeah, it's like they say: "Be a tree".
Beavis: "Now be a sad tree, now be a happy tree".

Beavis: Is that the smoke alarm?
Butt-head: Uhh...dammit Beavis, did you burn another burrito?
Beavis: Um...I don't think so.
Butt-head: We need to just take the batteries out of that damn thing.
Beavis: Yeah, but then what if there's a, ah...never mind.

Beavis: Is this a diaper commercial?
Butt-head: Uh...no, this is a douche commercial.
Beavis: Oh yeah. That's funny, douche. [Cackles] What is a douche, anyway? Like, how does it work?
Butt-head: Uh...I don't know. I think chicks get it when they have that like, not so fresh feeling.
Beavis: Oh yeah. I think it helps them go horseback riding, and like, go down to the beach and stuff like that.
Butt-head: Yeah. I wonder how come they don't have a douche for guys.
Beavis: Yeah. That would rule. Sometimes you know, I feel like, not so fresh...you know.
Butt-head: Well, maybe if you'd wash your butt once in a while...and I'm not talking about washing your whole butt, I'm talking about washing your butthole.

Beavis: Is this Boy George?!
Butt-head: Yeah. He's all fat now.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! I heard he's like, trying to be manly now, and he's not gonna dress up like a chick anymore.
Butt-head: He's a turd.

Beavis: Is this Pearl Jam?
Butt-head: Yeah. Eddie Vedder dyed his hair red.
Beavis: Wait a minute, this isn't Pearl Jam!
Butt-head: Yeah. It's good to see you thinking, Beavis.