American Dad! quotes
527 total quotesSteve: What am I gonna do?!
Hayley: Whatever you want. You know, a pregnant boy still has the right to choose.
Stan: Not in this house he doesn't. We're conservatives! And the one way we don't like to kill things is that way!
Hayley: Whatever you want. You know, a pregnant boy still has the right to choose.
Stan: Not in this house he doesn't. We're conservatives! And the one way we don't like to kill things is that way!
Steve: [to evil Barry] Sure, you can kill me with your gun, but are you willing to try something much more elaborate and unnecessary?
Waitress: Breadsticks, courtesy of table four. [two men wave at Stan and Steve]
Stan: Thanks, fellas, thank you. Wave to the nice men, Steve. Not too eager, son, they just bought us bread; they didn't let us take the Jag out for a spin.
Stan: Thanks, fellas, thank you. Wave to the nice men, Steve. Not too eager, son, they just bought us bread; they didn't let us take the Jag out for a spin.
Waitress: Thank you very much, Mrs. Smith.
Stan: You paid? You said you were going to the bathroom.
Francine: I did both.
Stan: Well you can just do it all, can't you?
Stan: You paid? You said you were going to the bathroom.
Francine: I did both.
Stan: Well you can just do it all, can't you?
(Stan is yelling at Hayley for dying her hair green and going to an Independent Party rally)
Stan: You missed family game night for that?! Go wash it out; you look like a slutty wad of money.
Hayley: No way!
Stan: [quickly reassembles, points gun at Hayley] Yes way!
Francine: Stan!
Stan: She started it!
Stan: You missed family game night for that?! Go wash it out; you look like a slutty wad of money.
Hayley: No way!
Stan: [quickly reassembles, points gun at Hayley] Yes way!
Francine: Stan!
Stan: She started it!
(The morning after: Hayley wakes up to find that Stan shaved her head in her sleep)
Francine: It's okay honey, you don't look like a giant penis.
Francine: It's okay honey, you don't look like a giant penis.
It's great if you're from Mars, but not if you're from Venus.
If you want to drive a car, you'd better have a penis.
So if you've got a vagina...
Man: Ohhh!
A vulva..
Man: Eeee!
A clitoris...
Man: What is a clitoris?
And a labia...
You see where I'm going with this.
Stay the hell away from Saudi Arabia!
If you want to drive a car, you'd better have a penis.
So if you've got a vagina...
Man: Ohhh!
A vulva..
Man: Eeee!
A clitoris...
Man: What is a clitoris?
And a labia...
You see where I'm going with this.
Stay the hell away from Saudi Arabia!
[after Karl Rove is seated at the kitchen table]
Hayley: Wait, I know you! You're the amoral puppet master behind George W. Bush!
Karl Rove: Thank you.
Hayley: Wait, I know you! You're the amoral puppet master behind George W. Bush!
Karl Rove: Thank you.
[after Klaus reveals that Roger ate all of Francine's potato salad.]
Roger: You set me up, Klaus! Why would you do something so awful?
Klaus: I'm German. It's what we do.
Roger: You set me up, Klaus! Why would you do something so awful?
Klaus: I'm German. It's what we do.
[after Roger successfully tricks Steve into thinking that Stan and Francine kidnapped him as a toddler due to Steve eating Roger's cookie]
Stan: Hey, son!
Steve: Don't "son" me, baby-snatcher! [pushes a bookcase onto Stan's wheelchair-ridden body]
Stan: [after a pause, apparently not upset at his son] Something on your mind, champ?
Hayley: Steve! What are you doing?
Steve: [suavely] Something we've wanted to do for years, "sis". [he proceeds to french-kiss her for five seconds while she struggles to get away to no avail]
Roger: [in shock of what he just witnessed] Oh. My. God. [now with a smile on his face] Everything that happens from this point on is just gravy.
Stan: Hey, son!
Steve: Don't "son" me, baby-snatcher! [pushes a bookcase onto Stan's wheelchair-ridden body]
Stan: [after a pause, apparently not upset at his son] Something on your mind, champ?
Hayley: Steve! What are you doing?
Steve: [suavely] Something we've wanted to do for years, "sis". [he proceeds to french-kiss her for five seconds while she struggles to get away to no avail]
Roger: [in shock of what he just witnessed] Oh. My. God. [now with a smile on his face] Everything that happens from this point on is just gravy.
[after Steve tells his friends that he was making out with a chick that is 80]
Snot: Dude, she's got wrinkles!
Steve: So do raisins. But those taste pretty sweet.
Snot: Dude, she's got wrinkles!
Steve: So do raisins. But those taste pretty sweet.
[At the court in Saudi Arabia]
Judge: I'm sorry, counselor. What did you say your name is?
Counselor: Irv Rosenblatt.
Judge: Guilty!
Counselor: Every single case! Oy, this is a tough town.
Judge: I'm sorry, counselor. What did you say your name is?
Counselor: Irv Rosenblatt.
Judge: Guilty!
Counselor: Every single case! Oy, this is a tough town.
[Cell Phone Ringing]
Judge: That's me. Sorry. Hang on. Yello. Oh, hello, sir. What? But they're infidels. Fine. Great. (gets off the phone) Rock blocked. You're free to go.
Judge: That's me. Sorry. Hang on. Yello. Oh, hello, sir. What? But they're infidels. Fine. Great. (gets off the phone) Rock blocked. You're free to go.
[Foster children are working in Roger's vineyard]
Roger: That's right, foster children. Hard work builds character.
Foster Child: Water break, boss?
Roger: Oh, honey, don't call me "boss". That makes me feel like some kind of monster. Call me "Dad".
Foster Child: Water break, Dad?
Roger: No.
Roger: That's right, foster children. Hard work builds character.
Foster Child: Water break, boss?
Roger: Oh, honey, don't call me "boss". That makes me feel like some kind of monster. Call me "Dad".
Foster Child: Water break, Dad?
Roger: No.
[Francine is pointing a gun at Stan to get him to release their neighborhood from their backyard]
Francine: Let 'em go, Stan! It's been a fun ride, but it's over!
Stan: Oh, not this old bit. You point a gun at me, I pretend I'm gonna do what you say, then I pull out my gun, we do our little John Woo standoff, inevitably your arm gets tired [Francine's arm starts to shake], then you drop your gun and we have nobody-got-shot sex. [she drops the gun, groans in agitation and leaves the room] Wh-where are you--Francine! W-well, why did you pull a gun on me if you didn't want to have sex?!
Francine: Let 'em go, Stan! It's been a fun ride, but it's over!
Stan: Oh, not this old bit. You point a gun at me, I pretend I'm gonna do what you say, then I pull out my gun, we do our little John Woo standoff, inevitably your arm gets tired [Francine's arm starts to shake], then you drop your gun and we have nobody-got-shot sex. [she drops the gun, groans in agitation and leaves the room] Wh-where are you--Francine! W-well, why did you pull a gun on me if you didn't want to have sex?!