American Dad! quotes
527 total quotes'[Stan finds Roger in the bathroom beaten, shaking and drinking coffee.]
Roger: I got beat up by a taco!
Roger: I got beat up by a taco!
Amusement park guard: Throughout the day he was with nine other families in nine different outfits, the rights to which I doubt he owns.
Avery Bullock: Once again, C.I.A. body-doubles are for work purposes ONLY, people. Using your double to finish making love to a Jet Blue stewardess - because you were too drunk - is a definite no-no! [Glances at Saunders] Saunders...
Saunders: Did you blab? Why'd you tell people?
Saunders' Double: C'mon, it was my first sloppy seconds!
(Stan's Phone Rings)
Stan: Hello?
Francine (V.O.): Stan! Hayley and Jeff broke up!
Stan: So? She breaks up with Jeff at least every other week.
Francine (V.O.): You don't understand! This time, he broke up with her.
Saunders: Did you blab? Why'd you tell people?
Saunders' Double: C'mon, it was my first sloppy seconds!
(Stan's Phone Rings)
Stan: Hello?
Francine (V.O.): Stan! Hayley and Jeff broke up!
Stan: So? She breaks up with Jeff at least every other week.
Francine (V.O.): You don't understand! This time, he broke up with her.
Avery Bullock: Dick, I believe you're up.
Dick: I don't have anything for show and tell. I just found out I have liver cancer.
Avery Bullock: I'm giving you a zero for the day.
Dick: I don't have anything for show and tell. I just found out I have liver cancer.
Avery Bullock: I'm giving you a zero for the day.
Avery Bullock: I need a new team leader.
Jackson: Sir, I'm your man. I will not rest until the alien and all his accomplices are brought to just...
Stan: [to Bullock; pointing at Jackson] He told me he hates you.
Avery Bullock: What? Jackson, is this true?
Jackson: ...Yes.
Avery Bullock: Get out of my sight! Smith, how do you feel about me?
Stan: You're okay, I guess.
Avery Bullock: Good, then you're the man for this job.
Jackson: Sir, I'm your man. I will not rest until the alien and all his accomplices are brought to just...
Stan: [to Bullock; pointing at Jackson] He told me he hates you.
Avery Bullock: What? Jackson, is this true?
Jackson: ...Yes.
Avery Bullock: Get out of my sight! Smith, how do you feel about me?
Stan: You're okay, I guess.
Avery Bullock: Good, then you're the man for this job.
Avery Bullock: Our Alien Task Force clearly needs some rejiggering. Ray, you're no longer in charge.
Ray: Of what?
Avery Bullock: The Alien Task Force.
Ray: What the hell's that?
Avery Bullock: The task force you've been in charge of!
Ray: Oh. How did I do?
Ray: Of what?
Avery Bullock: The Alien Task Force.
Ray: What the hell's that?
Avery Bullock: The task force you've been in charge of!
Ray: Oh. How did I do?
Bad Larry: I'm glad to be your first. And I...shall become...more powerful...THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE! [dies]
Stan: What did he mean by that?
Roger: Eh, who cares, he's dead.
Ray: [gives Stan a corn-dog] I know it's just a corn-dog, but you'll never forget it. [exits as Stan eats the corn-dog, then reappears in the background] Where'd I park my car?
Stan: What did he mean by that?
Roger: Eh, who cares, he's dead.
Ray: [gives Stan a corn-dog] I know it's just a corn-dog, but you'll never forget it. [exits as Stan eats the corn-dog, then reappears in the background] Where'd I park my car?
Barry: [beating up Steve] Let's kill his parents next. Let's kill them all.
(A crying Francine is being comforted by Roger's entourage of skanks)
(A crying Francine is being comforted by Roger's entourage of skanks)
Barry: Hey, Steve. Somebody left this on your front porch. (gives Steve the doormat)
Stan: Great, it's the fat one.
Steve: That's a doormat, Barry.
Barry: Who's Matt Barry?
Stan: God, I hate you so much!
Steve: Mom, can Barry stay for dinner?
Francine: If it's okay with his parents.
Barry: Oh, they won't care. They never care.
Stan: Good people. My kind of people.
(Barry's watch beeps)
Barry: Oh, time to take my vitamin. May I have a glass of water?
Stan: Fatty can use the garden hose!
Stan: Great, it's the fat one.
Steve: That's a doormat, Barry.
Barry: Who's Matt Barry?
Stan: God, I hate you so much!
Steve: Mom, can Barry stay for dinner?
Francine: If it's okay with his parents.
Barry: Oh, they won't care. They never care.
Stan: Good people. My kind of people.
(Barry's watch beeps)
Barry: Oh, time to take my vitamin. May I have a glass of water?
Stan: Fatty can use the garden hose!
Barry: Stan, can we stop by church on the way to breakfast? Before I take my first sip of O.J., I like to take a big gulp of Jesus.
Barry: Thanks for driving me home, Mr. Smith. We're going faster than people.
Stan: Quiet, fatty fat-fat fatty!
Stan: Quiet, fatty fat-fat fatty!