Doug: Oh, it's a weed wonderland, Nancy. It's like Amsterdam, only better, because you don't have to visit the Anne Frank house and pretend to be all sad and stuff.

Doug: See this Lollipop
Nancy: It isn't...?
Doug: Yes, I'm getting high right now and you can't even tell.

Guidance Counselor: (Reading Shane's poetry/rap) My name is Shane/I bring the pain/ Up from the streets of Agrestic/Bitch, you don't wanna sweat this/I cap any motherfucker/You don't wanna test this/Be-
Shane: "Be-otch." I got rage in me. This is my way of venting.
Guidance Counselor: Well, you made a lot of people around this school very nervous.
Shane: Yeah? That's because they're a bunch of bitch ass white boys.
Guidance Counselor: I hate to break this to you, but you're also a bitch ass white boy.
Shane: Whatever, I don't care.
Guidance Counselor: I think you do care. A great deal.
Shane: Yeah, about what?
Guidance Counselor: You want approval from your peer group and when you don't get it, when they call you weirdo or Strange Botwin, then you wanna lash out. In this case, through your rap.
Shane: Yeah, that's it. I just wanna fit in. Can I go now?
Guidance Counselor: Shane you're here, because there's some concern that you might act on these emotions.
Shane: I'm not gonna cap any motherfuckers.
Guidance Counselor: How do I know that?
Shane: ‘Cause my therapist says I'm just acting out because my dad's dead.
Guidance Counselor: You may go.

Heylia James: Yeah, lookin' in the dictionary the other day, saw your picture sittin' up in there. Right next to "Dumb ass white bitch."

Heylia: Hey! Hey! Stop all that damn arguing, this is a house of peace. (Interrupted by gun shots and bullets) Everybody all right?
Vaneeta: Yeah
Conrad: Cool. Snowflake? Snowflake?
Vaneeta: She's in shock, slap her.
Conrad: I ain't slappin' no white woman.
Heylia: Move, I'll do it.
Nancy: No, I'm okay (in a very shaky voice)
Heylia: You sure?
Nancy: Yeah (sniff).
Heylia: all right, let's clean this shit up.
Nancy: (Giggling a little) Is somebody gonna call the police?
Heylia: Baby, that probably was the police.
Nancy: I'm gonna go. Wait, I need my keys.
Conrad: We got unsettled business, you haven't even talked to me about my car yet. How you gonna get your keys now?
Heylia: Boy! The girl just had her shootin' cherry broke, give her the keys.

Heylia: Now, I know you got troubles, but like my momma always said, "Tough shit."

Heylia: Oh hell no, you don't put weed in my cornbread!

Heylia: Oh, you poor schmuck, you just played wrong (lays down a domino). That's a boat!
Nancy: Wait, a boat is when the four ends add up to 20?
Heylia: A boat is when I spank this boy's black ass for thinking he all that with his three switchin' bitches.
Nancy: Three switchin' bitches?
Conrad: It's 15. And a boat is 20. Stop fuckin' with her, she's just tryin' to learn the game.

Heylia: Oou, listen to Betty Cracker.

Heylia: Shit, white folks get soda pop, niggas get bullets.

Heylia: That's it. Range Rover for stoney clover.

Heylia: We should start that in this neighborhood. Call it the "I'm getting' skinny ‘cause some nigger stole my food" diet.

Hunter [On television]: (In tree-stand) Next time we go bow huntin'. Guns are for pussies. (Now, running from a bear) I told you! You can't miss the bear!

Insurance Man: With all due respect, sir, this is not the first time that a crate of carbonated beverages fell form a low flying Cessna and devastated a house.
Dean: You're kidding?

Josh: If they're too young to bleed, they're too young for weed. If there's no grass in their field, no weed will they yield.