Celia: High on Ludes. Queen of the Roller Disco. I could fuck against a wall with my skates on, no easy feat.

Celia: I haven't shit in 3 days. I'm like an African famine baby.

Celia: I was thinking of going bigger.
Nancy: Bigger?
Celia: Really big. Like freak show big. 47 triple Fs. So large that other smaller breasts will want to orbit them.

Celia: Is your mom home?
Shane: Not yet, she went to bail uncle Andy out of jail.
Celia: Well, tell her I stopped by.
Shane: Okay... I like your jacket.
Celia: Well, thank you, Shane. Everyone thinks I've lost my mind.
Shane: Everyone thinks I'm weird.
Celia: Well, I can see how you might give that impression.
Shane: I really don't care what they think.
Celia: Good for you. Let your freak flag fly.
Shane: Really?
Celia: Really. I've recently stopped giving a shit what anyone thinks and I've gotta tell ya, I feel great.
Shane: But you have cancer.
Celia: And you have a dead father. Both of us make people really uncomfortable. There's no way around it. So we can feel all self-conscious and pretend everything's normal, or we can just be our strange selves.
Shane: Thanks, Mrs. Hodes.
Celia: For what?
Shane: For telling me the truth.
Celia: You're welcome. It's a bitch though, ain't it?

Celia: Jesus-Loves-You-Judy loves her hillbilly heroine.

Celia: You know, I read somewhere that killing small animals is the first sign of psychotic behavior. You should really tell the parents, they can rush that little sociopath into therapy before he starts tooling around Agrestic in a white van with blacked out windows.

Conrad: This for you Snowflake. This my special blend, I call this here Clark Kent. Just sniff this, right here. It's good, huh?! You smoke this shit and you just wanna rip your clothes off in a phone booth and fight crime. I'm serious!

Conrad: You should never question Heylia's eyeballin'. That's the Rainman of weed, right there.

Cop: Sir, you do realize you just rolled through a stop sign?
Andy: Nice bike. Did your horse die?
Cop: Sir �
Andy: You must be in killer shape. Let me see your quads man.
Cop: May I see your driver's license and registration please.
Andy: When you arrest people do you ride ‘em in on your handlebars or do they just sit on the back with their arms around you?
Cop: Step out of the car.
Andy: Oh, come on. Seriously? I'm just having fun. You're a cop in bike shorts. It's adorable.
Cop: I have a gun.
Andy: Cool, I'm cool.

Craig X: (at the Bodhi Sativa Caregivers Club) The first thing you wanna do when you come to the club is check out the big board. On the big board we have all the prices and strains and they do change daily. (To another customer) Hey, Billy, how's the arthritis? All right, cool. (Back to Nancy) What was I saying?

Dean: I hope our children survive you.

Doug: (On phone) Hey listen, I've got somebody here, we'll finish this up at the next counsel meeting. Your turn to bring the vodka. Okay, you too. Yes, yes, I fucked your wife. Yes, I fucked your mother. Okay, bye.

Doug: Hey, anymore Stephen Hawking? I wanna be wheeled out of here.

Doug: I'm in a databank?.... I'm in a databank?.... I'm in a databank?

Doug: If you make something mediocre enough, you might even have a go at it.