Veronica: (voice-over) I don't know if Connor's smile cost a million but his six-pack abs are worth at least double that. Damn. (pauses) I repeat, damn!

Veronica: (voice-over) The attributes and style of crap teen poetry. Must be written in a funky color of ink. Must include dominant themes of alienation, sexual ambivalence, self-loathing, death, et cetera.

Veronica: 8 a.m. - shouldn't you be in a wet suit somewhere?
Logan: Early Poli. Sci.
Veronica: And you're actually going?
Logan: Yeah, I even bought this amazing pen that accents text in neon colors.
Veronica: Ah, a highlighter.
Logan: Lots of advancements since the last time I buckled down.
Logan: What about you?
Veronica: "Violence in early adolescence."
Logan: Need me to autograph your textbook?
Veronica: Thanks, but...

Veronica: [about Keith] Don't worry, it's his specialty. Busting heads and breaking hearts.

Veronica: [about two girls] New friends?
Logan: Yeah, from weightlifting class.
Veronica: Right! The only class you never miss. So, what - you guys, like, spot each other doing squat thrusts and stuff?
Logan: And have group sex in the showers. [Veronica scoffs] What is this, jealous?
Veronica: Oh, jealous would involve piano wire.
Logan: Oh. So what was that?
Veronica: That was mild annoyance at the fact that two gym buddies invite you to a party and you're there already, but whenever I want to do something interesting, you're busy.
Logan: You mean "interesting" like some fossil wheezing through a novel?
Veronica: First, Martin Amis isn't a fossil, and second, yes, it's college. We're supposed to expand our horizons past video games and binge drinking.
Logan: My horizons go slightly beyond that.
Veronica: Great. So, how about tonight we check out the art-major group show?
Logan: I'm busy? [she sighs] No, really, I have a class till ten, but if you come by afterwards, we could write on ourselves. Get real, uh... political.
Veronica: That's what a girl wants to hear: "Darling, do all the weird crap you like, just don't be late for the booty call."

Veronica: [answers phone] Chesty LaRue. Hey, Duncan. I'm fine. I'm slathering up my boobs as we speak.

Veronica: [as "Betty"] At my old school I was Horny! [receives odd looks] We were the Rhinos. I was the mascot.
Richie: And what school was that?
Veronica: Riverdale.
Richie: Never heard of it.

Veronica: [holds up a book with a tag attached that reads '#333'] Do you mind if I give this Anarchist Cookbook back to Weevil?
Butters: You know his locker number?
Veronica: Who else would brag about meeting Satan halfway?

Veronica: [imitating Clint Eastwood] You a bounty hunter, boy?
Logan: I really shouldn't have pushed for the Clint Eastwood marathon. Now I've ruined you. I didn't think it was possible to make you more butch. Stupid, stupid Logan. Well, wanna feel like a man, walk me to class?
Veronica: [normal voice] Carry your books?
Logan: Why not? [they start walking to class] Guess who I saw on campus today?
Veronica: Some girl going wild? As I understand it, it happens all the time in college. I'm on the verge of it right now.
Logan: No, Dick, my BFF.
Veronica: I thought he was crashing with his dad in the Caymans.
Logan: Well, he's back.
Veronica: Did you guys talk?
Logan: Yeah, but it was brief - shouted his name, flipped me off: the bonds of friendship.

Veronica: [in jail] Know any good lawyers?
Cliff: Very cute. I know an adequate one that just posted your $500 bail.
Veronica: They take Diner's Club here?

Veronica: [making out with Logan] My dad is probably watching us through a telescope.
Logan: He's probably impressed with your virtue.
Veronica: [laughs] And the telescope is mounted on a rifle.
Logan: [Pauses, then looks up to where Keith is supposedly watching, with rifle, and holds up his hand, fingers spread] Five more minutes. [Veronica giggles] He should feel lucky. I mean, you could be out here with some pretty boy jerk just looking to get laid.
Veronica: Wait, what are you saying? You aren't pretty?
Logan: What I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you.
Veronica: The things guys'll say to get past second base.

Veronica: [pretending to be drunk] They told me this was Sri Lanka! I wanted a coconut toddy!

Veronica: [reading invitation] "Tasteful" floral dresses? All my florals are trampy. Seriously, I don't have a thing with a flower that's not in the tube top or hot pant family.

Veronica: [reciting The Big Lebowski] I'm not Mr. Lebowski, you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the dude...so that's what you call me...either that or uh dudeness, duder, El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
Duncan: Veronica, you need to stop being The Dude.
Veronica: Stoner Bowler doesn't do it for you?
Duncan: A little. Only because I like the way your lips pout when you do guy voice.
Veronica: These lips? I've had them for years, I can't do a thing with them.

Veronica: [still pretending to be drunk, to Wallace] I don't feel so good, Papa Bear!
[Later]