Seth: "Get Marooned." Great. Another island-centric prom theme. Another year of double-digit IQ jocks laughing at their own jokes about getting "lei'd" as freshman hula girls put flowers around their necks.
Tad: I don't see anybody forcing you to buy tickets, queer bait.
Seth: I'm sorry. Am I giving away your best material?
Tad's Lackey: Isn't the gay prom next Friday in the Dog Beach men's room?
Seth: So I guess I'll see you there, sailor. [flicks Tad's collar]
Tad: Yo, what did you just say to me, Boy George?
Seth: Come on. The Navy? Cover my back, wingman. The rear admiral wants us to pound away with the 10-inch gun. I mean, isn't just joining the Navy alone gay enough to get you thrown out of the Navy?

Sheriff Lamb: I know you from somewhere.
Wallace: Yeah, you told me to go see the Wizard and ask him for some guts.
Sheriff Lamb: Well, did you?
Wallace: Yeah. [smirks] He said to let you know that you're the only sheriff in America that he considers a true Friend of Dorothy.

Trina: Is Dad still at dinner?
Logan: Yeah, but he's not far. I'm sure if you really tried, you could blow smoke up his ass from here. [pauses] Hey, Trin -- if you take your top off before you get on the mechanical bull, you won't fall off.

Trina: Pop Tart?
Logan: Hmmm, a Tart from a tart.
Trina: Ye of the sickle wit. Can I ask you something?
Logan: Hmm, would you look at that? [mimics pulling something from his mouth] There was a string attached to my Pop Tart. [tosses away imaginary string]
Trina: Yeah. Well, I'm in a little bit of a jam, and I could use a loan.
Logan: [stops his stopwatch] Twelve hours to hit me up for my dead mother's money. Hmmm, I wonder who had that in the pool.
Trina: You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.
Logan: Oh, I do. I do.
Trina: Could I just borrow ten grand? Just for a little while.
Logan: Ten grand?!
Trina: Will you just hear me out, please? My boyfriend Dylan spotted me some cash a few months ago, and now he's bugging me about it. I -- I can't get him off my back.
Logan: Did you try standing up?

Troy: Flat?
Veronica: Just as God made me.
Troy: Are you always this persnickety?
Veronica: Sometimes I'm even persnicketier.

Troy: Guess what I'm doing this weekend.
Veronica: I'm guessing it involves autoeroticism.

Troy: Let me see your phone.
Veronica: What are you doing?
[He adds his phone number to her phone.]
Troy: It is now booty-call enabled.

Troy: Well a wise man once said that a 'No' is like a 'Yes' except with different letters and arranged in a different order and spoken out loud but, you know, it disappears on the wind.

Van Clemens: Your sentence is up when each of these files finds its way alphabetically into that cabinet.
Veronica: And I can't use Magic Right?

Veronica: "Freedom. That's what it's all about, but talking about it and being it - that's two different things."
Logan: Whew. You came up all deliberate-like. I figured you wanted to be first in line to ask me to the Sadie Hawkins dance, not recite my prize-winning essay.
Veronica: Neither, actually. I'm quoting Easy Rider, which you may remember making me watch last summer?
Logan: That's funny, that sounds a lot like my essay.

Veronica: (to Dick) After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me? Maybe you should write yourself a note.

Veronica: (to Dick) It's like you're this giant jackass piñata begging for someone to beat the candy out of you.

Veronica: (to her dad) What is your deal? You're jacked up like some hillbilly kid who just stumbled into daddy's meth lab.

Veronica: (to Keith) And you thought a photo of you in your boxers would hurt your lead in the polls?

Veronica: (voice-over) I admit it, I splurged and spent 10 bucks to read my own purity test. Apparently I've pleasured the swim team while jacked up on goof-balls.