Summer: I even offered him my virginity and he turned me down flat.
Maxine: [handing Summer a handkerchief] Summer, I appreciate that, even if you broke God's law.
Summer: It's my fault. [about Jessica] I'm not tall like her. Can't even reach stuff on my own closet shelf without a grabber. And I'm not pretty like her.
Maxine: [shaking her head] Oh, don't say such a thing! She's not even alive! And you are cute as pigs.

Talbot: [about Sophie-Anne] You never said she was going to live with us.
Russell: She's my wife, Talbot. We just acquired the state of Louisiana. I thought you would have been excited.
Talbot: Excited? Franklin's brains won't wash off the guest linens; I had to bury werewolves under the gazebo, and that Sookie bitch staked Lorena. I've had enough excitement, thank you.

Talbot: [upon seeing Franklin entering the house with Tara] No! No no no. Not you.
Franklin: Russell's expecting me.

Talbot: You are not supposed to bring work home.
Russell: Darling, [points to himself] King!

Tara: We need to talk.
Franklin: Don't say that. Women say that, everything goes black, and I wake up surrounded by body parts.

Tara: What do you want from Sookie?
Franklin: You should be more concerned with what I want from you.

[In the TV studio, anchorman Jerry McCafferty is reading the news]
Jerry McCafferty: Oregon has rallied in anticipation of the state's upcoming ratification vote on the Vampire Rights Ammendment. Polls show the measure gaining support in recent months although nearly twenty percent of the country remains undecided.
[Suddenly Russell appears behind Jerry. His fist comes through Jerry's chest and then rips out Jerry's spine. People in the studio are heard screaming]
Russell:Does that help you decide America? Do not turn off the camera! You've seen how quickly I can kill. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Russell Edgington and I have been a vampire for nearly three-thousand years. Now, the American Vampire League wishes to perpetuate the idea that we are just like you. I suppose in a few small ways we are. We're narcissists. We care only about getting what we want no matter what the cost just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide, That's a small price to pay for your SUVs and your flat screen TVs, your blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your absurd garish McMansions! Futile symbols of pertanence to quell your quivering, spineless souls. But no, in the end we are nothing like you. We are immortal. Because we drink the true blood. Blood that is living, organic and human. And that is the truth the AVL wishes to conceal from you because let's face it eating people is a tough sale these days so they put on their friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA but make no mistake. Mine is the true face of vampire! Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals. We will eat you after we eat your children. Now time for the weather. Tiffany?

[Sookie walks into Eric's office, Pam behind her.]
Pam: She insisted.
Eric: She always does. [he nods and Pam leaves]
Sookie: What did you mean, you're "not gonna be around much longer"?
Eric: Don't pretend you care about me. This is about Bill. Deep down, you know you shouldn't trust him.
Sookie: Okay. Tell me why.
Eric: [gets up and walks to her, leaning close] Well, here's the truth. There are forces beyond even my control. If I meet the true death without having at least kissed you, Sookie Stackhouse, that would be my biggest regret.
Sookie: Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye to me?
Eric: Cause I am.
[He kisses her. She resists at first, but then gives in. She breaks it off]
Sookie: Okay, I get it. I'm irresistible and intoxicating, but keeping things from me does not exactly help your cause. Tell me why I shouldn't trust Bill.
[Pam walks in on them.]
Eric: What?
Pam: Blah, blah, vampire emergency, blah.