Amy: [entering Merlotte's] Intense! All these animals on the wall, it's like a natural history museum.
Jason: Hah! I never noticed them.
Amy: How could you not? Everyone of these animals lived a life full of experiences that we can't even imagine!
Jason: Does that weird you out? We could always go someplace else!
Amy: No, no. Everyone has to eat, right? We are all links on the universal food chain. See, squirrel eats nuts, snake eat the squirrel, gator eat the snake... and we can eat pretty much everything we want. It's the circle of life.
Jason: Jesus Christ! I wanna lick your mind!
Amy: Let's have lunch first.

Amy: Hey you. Listen, are you alright?
Sookie: Sometimes I wish I smoked, so you could sneak outside without anybody knowing something's wrong with you.
Amy: Okay. I'm really sorry about your cat.
Sookie: Maybe I shouldn't have come in today.
Amy: Yeah, I was gonna say why did you?
Sookie: I don't know. Maybe cause lately it seems like if I called in sick every time someone I love got murdered, I'd never make it in for a single day of work.
Amy: Don't you think Sam would understand?
Sookie: I guess. But if I went home, what would you do?
Amy: Me? What's it got to do with me?
Sookie: Arlene doing nothin' but showin' off her ring to anybody who will look at it, you be the only one waiting tables.
Amy: Yeah, she's gonna be a handful, that one.
Sookie: Don't you imagine what she was like the first time she got married?... What about you? You ever been married?
Amy: Is this the part where the sister asks what the girls intentions are with her brother?
Sookie: Hm-mm. Cause right now I am all about protecting Jason.
Amy: He misses you, Sookie. He does. Between your grandma passing and what happened afterwords with you.
Sookie: He told you about that?
Amy: He couldn't not. He's a mess about it.
Sookie: Well you wouldn't know it.
Amy: Look, I know what you must think of him and I get why you're mad at him. I do and he loves you. You got people around who love you and all I can hope is that maybe one day I can be counted in among those people.
Sookie: You are way too good for him. You know that, right?
Amy: Of course, I know that. I'm not stupid.

Andy: [about their fishing] Bet you didn't do much fishin' in Iraq.
Terry: No fish in the sand, bux.
Andy: No wonder they're so pissed off at us. We got channel cats in Shreveport's putang... I miss this. Gettin' up before dawn, like when we were kids and watch the sun comein' up.
[stops as they see a man running naked through the trees]
Andy: That was Sam Merlotte!
Terry: Yep, I done that before.

Arlene: Oh sweet Jesus! Please forgive me. I had no idea, Sookie. I swear!
Sookie: Of course you didn't.
Arlene: I brought him around my kids. I slept in the bed every night with him and all that time, it was nothing but lies. I mean his name, his accent. God! You think you know someone. How could I not know?
Sookie: None of us did. Don't blame yourself, honey.
Arlene: Can't help it. I told you to stay out of my thoughts. Isn't that why you didn't listen in on Rene?
Sookie: It was like he kept that part of himself locked away in some dark corner of his mind.
Arlene: Sookie, I am so sorry. I want you to promise me smoethin', okay?
Sookie: Okay.
Arlene: Someday, if I ever find another man, I want you to look inside his head and tell me everything that's in there.
Sookie: Uh... Arlene, it doesn't really work that way.
Arlene: Promise me, okay? Cause I have the worst taste in men... Is, is Bill goin' to be okay?
Sookie: I don't think so... no.
Arlene: Oh, honey. Oh, sweet baby.

Bill: [after Malcolm and his gang have left] I'm sorry you had to witness that. Your visit was unexpected.
Sookie: What's Hep-D?
Bill: Hepatitis D is the only blood born pathogen to which we are susceptible. Malcolm must be furious.
Sookie: Hepatitis?
Bill: A mutation. Relatively harmless to humans, oddly enough.
Sookie: I've never even heard of it.
Bill: That's because we've kept it out of the media.
Sookie: And it makes you sick for a year?
Bill: No. It just makes us weak for about a month or so. The biggest danger to us from Hep-D is being captured and staked during that time.
Sookie: Yeah. You don't want your weaknesses to be public knowledge.
Bill: Precisely.
Sookie: And what the hell did you mean, "Sookie is mine"?
Bill: I was communicating to the others that you are my human and therefore I was the only one who can feed on you.
Sookie: You most certainly cannot feed on me!
Bill: Well of course I can't, Sookie. But had they known that, they'd've considered you fair game and I wouldn't have been able to stop them from attacking you. It would be three against one, and Malcolm is much older than I am and quite strong.
Sookie: And... you and Diane dated?
Bill: We had sex once, just after she was made vampire back in the late 1930's.
Sookie: What? Gross. Bill, she's so... they-they're all so mean, so ...
Bill: Evil. Yes, they are. They share a nest and when vampires live in nests, they become more cruel, more ... vicious. They become laws unto themselves. Whereas vampires such as I, who live alone, are much more likely to hang on to some semblance of our former humanity.

Bill: [arriving at Fangtasia] You said you wanted to go out tonight.
Sookie: I did not mean Fangtasia! I mean really, all those pathetic people who come here looking for sex with vampires.
Bill: I know. It's despicable.
Sookie: You know what I mean. So what? Five, ten minutes?
Bill: As long as Eric requires us.
Sookie: You mean as long as Eric requires me! Didn't even have the decency to ask me himself.
Bill: You are mine. He didn't need to ask your permission.
Sookie: He cannot check me out like a library book!
Bill: Unfortunately Sookie, he can. Eric is sheriff of Area 5.
Sookie: Sheriff?
Bill: It's a position of great power among our kind. We do not want to anger him. As long as the requests are reasonable, we should accede to his wishes.

Bill: [awakens, very weak and looks around seeing two bodies] The others?
Lorena: [meekly] They all presented themselves as gentlemen. Blame the war if you like. Proved to be no more than savages once I let them into my home. They deserved no better!
Bill: Am... Am I dying?
Lorena: Oh yes. But I'm not keen to let you go quite so easily. I've waited a long time for a man such as you. [straddles his waist and cuts her neck] Drink... if you do not drink, you will die as certain as I am speakin' to you right now. Do you wish to see your family again? Your wife, your children... you must drink from me.
[Bill drinks with reluctance]
Lorena: Take me in you. Feel me in you. We are together, William. Forever! You are mine!

Bill: [in bed with Sookie after finding the cat dead] Aren't you tired?
Sookie: Every time I close my eyes, I see her face.
Bill: Your cat?
Sookie: Gran. But now that you mention it, Tina's in there too.
Bill: You do know I'm not going to let anything happen to you. That I am here for you, to protect you.
Sookie: What if I don't need to be protected? What if wanting to be protected makes me feel like the helpless little girl I used to be all over again?
Bill: Sookie... all of the things that you need to be protected from, all of the trouble you're in, you are in because of me. So you needing to be protected has nothing to do with you or who you are. All of it is my fault... So why don't you go to sleep and let me be the one to worry about it.
Sookie: Bill, all the trouble I'm in, it's mine. I chose it. I chose it when I chose you.
Bill: Yes, but...
Sookie: Don't you think I wanna blame somebody else? But what happen to my gran and poor Tina is my fault and it's sweet of you to try to take it all from me. But if I let you, I'd be so mad at you, I would never be able to look at you again. And right now your face is the only thing getting me by. So why don't we just leave it on me, okay?
Bill: [pause, accepting] Very well.
Sookie: Night Bill.

Bill: [in her dream] Sookie, don't ever sneak up on a vampire. What are you doing here?
Sookie: All right, here's the deal... and this is a little embarrassing. I've never been with a man intimately, for all the reasons I told you about. But... I feel things when I'm with you that make me think and... I know this could be a huge mistake, one I will regret forever, but it feels like you're the one that I'm supposed to, you know... do it with. And... I'm really nervous about that... and frankly I'm scared to death of you. So can we just get it out of the way already so I can relax and get a good night's sleep?
[Bill draws close to kiss her]
Sookie: Just... just don't bite me, okay?

Bill: [showing Sookie where he sleeps] This is where I spend my days.
Sookie: Does anyone ever get in there with you?
Bill: This is not a place for you.
Sookie: So, we can never sleep beside each other?
Bill: No one else knows where I rest.

Bill: [while he is digging a grave for Jessica, to Pam] Would you leave her alone!
Pam: It's your own fault. You and your insane affection for stupid cows.
Bill: Just go away!
Pam: I wouldn't be here if the magister could trust you.
Bill: I fulfilled the conditions of my sentence! I murdered this innocent girl.
Pam: It was no murder. You drained her blood and gave her yours.
Bill: I fulfilled my loyalty!
Pam: Yes. But you're romantic, you're sentimental. You might do something to keep the little blood bag from joinin' our ranks. I follow my orders. I won't let you stake her before she goes to ground!
Bill: I'm not gonna stake her. I'm gonna set her free.
Pam: You've already set her free. The same as Eric freed me.
Bill: Everyone she's ever known will recoil from her. Everything she has ever loved has been stolen from her.
Pam: Oh please! There's no comparison. You've given that pathetic lump of temporary flesh...
Bill: Jessica!
Pam: The ultimate gift. You're a maker. You're a hero.
Bill: I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human.
Pam: [smiling] Thank you.

Bill: Aren't you afraid to be out here alone with a hungry vampire?
Sookie: No.
Bill: Vampires often turn on those who trust them, you know. We don't have human values like you.
Sookie: A lot of humans turn on those who trust them, too. [takes out a silver chain and wraps it around her neck] I'm not a total fool.
Bill: Oh, but you have other very juicy arteries. There is one in the groin that's a particular favorite of mine.
Sookie: Hey, you just shut your nasty mouth, mister! You might be a vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me like the lady that I am!
Bill: You want to drink the blood they collected?
Sookie: [disgusted] No!
Bill: I understand it makes humans feel more healthy. Improves their sex life.
Sookie: I am as healthy as a horse, and I have no sex life to speak of, so ... you can just keep it.
Bill: You could always sell it.
Sookie: [firmly] I wouldn't touch it.
Bill: [leans in close] What are you?
Sookie: Well, I-I'm Soo-I'm Sookie Stackhouse, and I'm a waitress. What's your name?
Bill: Bill.
Sookie:[giggles] Bill? I thought it might be Antoine, or Basil, or - or like Langford, maybe. But Bill? Vampire Bill! [laughs]

Bill: Jessica, stop!
Jessica: No!
Bill: Stop!
Jessica: Why?
Bill: Because we need to talk.
Jessica: Why?
Bill: Because there are things you must learn.
Jessica: Why?
Bill: Because you are no longer human.
Jessica:Why?
Bill: Because I've been trying to explain to you at length - you have been made vampire!
Jessica: Why?
Bill: Because you were unlucky. Because life and death are unfair. Because of me.
...
Jessica: I'm so hungry and all you do is talk and I'm starving and you're so mean. You're supposed to take care of me, that's what you said. You suck! [laughs] That's funny 'cause you do suck.

Bill: Longshadow was choking the girl and would have killed her.
Magister: So you murdered a higher life form for the sake of your pet? You broke an ancient and fundamental law. You decreased our numbers at a critical time in our history. Very bad. Very very bad.
Bill: Longshadow broke the law first. She was mine and he knew it. He would have killed her and fed from her!
Magister: Hello! Human! Irrelevant. Happens every day!
Bill: He was stealing from Eric.
Magister: [to Eric] Sheriff?
Eric: Yes, Magister. It's true. Longshadow was a thief and a liar. He was hurting my business.
Magister: The business part. That is a serious offense.
Bill: And it was the human who exposed Longshadow. Would you tell him, Eric?
Eric: The only reason the girl was there was because I called her.
Bill: To protect your wealth!
Eric: To protect my wealth, yes. Magister, she is... valuable.
Magister: Humans exist to serve us. That is their only value.
Bill: There are those among us who think differently.
Magister: Do you question my authority? I am the magister. I was trained in the Inquisition and I am the adjudicator for every vampire territory in North America! As the humans say - the humans that you love more than your own kind - back your shit down!
Eric: Bill.
Magister: You haven't bored me. That works in your favor and you seem to be obedient to your sheriff.
Eric: For the most part... When it matters, yes he is.
Magister: The usual sentence is five years in a coffin, chained with silver. During which time your body will waste to leather and sticks, and you'll probably go insane. However, I'm feeling a bit... creative.

Bill: Sookie, you cannot be frightened of everythin' you don't know in this world.
Sookie: Well my world's openin' up mighty fast! And what I got here may be boring, but it's safe! And after the past couple of nights, safe sounds good about now.