Jason: [after being shot] I'm alive. Holy shit. God saved me. I'm saved.
Sarah Newlin: [holding a gun] Oh, for heaven's sake, grow a brain cell. Paintballs!
Jason:What? You crazy bitch!
Sarah Newlin: I let you into my house, into my bed, and into my heart. All I stood for, all I believed in, I violated to be with you!
Jason: Ok.
Sarah Newlin: I gave you everything for a lie! You're worse than Judas.
Jason: Why, what did he do to you?
Sarah Newlin: Ugh. Fuck you! [shoots him again, in the groin]
Jason: OOHH OHHH SWEET JESUS. OK, I'm sorry OK? Just, tell me what you want me to say, don't shoot me again...
Sarah Newlin: You came to prey on me; to ruin the sacred vow I made to my husband then like a coward you ran!
Jason: No, I didn't... Okay, I ran. But it wasn't from you. It was from your husband and his crazy weapon collection. Why'd you have to go and tell him?
Sarah Newlin: Tell him? I didn't tell him anything. He's the one who told me!
Jason: Wait, wait. Told you what?
Sarah Newlin: There are wolves in our hen house. We must defend our flock.
Jason: What's that got to do with-
Sarah Newlin: We have your sister!
Jason: Sookie's in the church?
Sarah Newlin: She came in yesterday, spoutin' the same lies you told!
Jason: Now you listen to me. She's got nothin' to do with this.
Sarah Newlin: You Stackhouses... you're nothin' but a buncha heartless, two-faced vampire fuckers!
Jason: [grabbing the paint gun and pushing her down] Don't you ever talk about my sister like that! If I find out any of you so much as touched her, I'm gonna come back here...and it won't be with no FUCKIN' PAINT GUN!

Jason: [chasing her through the cemetery] Sookie... Sookie. Just hold up a sec.
Sookie: Why? So you can hit me again? Go ahead and tell me how it's all my fault. Tell me how you wish it were me in that coffin. I deserve it?!
Jason: I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.
Sookie: [taking a step back] Don't touch me.
Jason: I didn't mean to hurt you. You gotta know that.
Sookie: You invited Uncle Bartlett! How could you do that?
Jason: He has a right to be here. I know he and Gran had their problems. But what ever they were, it don't matter no more. That's what family does. We forgive each other.
Sookie: You have no idea what you're talking about.
Jason: Sookie, please... Please. We are all we've got.
Sookie: We've got nothing.

Jason: [looking at himself in the mirror] Oh my God, you are even better looking than you were yesterday.

Jason: [sitting in the freezer, really worried] I think I might'a OD'd.
Tara: Oh, my God. On what?
Jason: V.
Tara: You're doin' V now?
Jason: It was my first time.
Tara: Where on earth did you come across V in this town?
Jason: [hesitant] Lafayette.
Tara: My cousin is dealin' vampire blood now? God damn idiot. Well, at least that explains why I walked in on you dancin' around in that Laura Bush mask yesterday, 'cause I gotta tell you, without a reason, that was some fucked up shit! All right, let me see it.
Jason: Huh?
Tara: How long have you had the erection?
Jason: Well, how do you know?
Tara: Um, I read. You're not the first vain-ass, body-conscious ex-jock to overdo the V and wind up with an acute case of priapism!

Jason: God, I killed a man!
Andy: No, Stackhouse. I killed him! That's what I just told Bud and that's what both of us have to stick to, 'cause there's holes in our story. Big gaping ones!
Jason: Like?
Andy: [about Eggs] Like if he was really all up in my face threatening me with a knife, how come the gun that killed him was fired from over twenty feet away!?
Jason: Well shit man. Why'd you tell 'im a story with holes in it? We gotta go back and tell him the truth.
Andy: You tell anybody anything, we're both gonna spend the rest of our lives in jail!
Jason: I don't wanna go to jail.
Andy: Than I need to see a lot less conscience and a lot more cajones and I need to see 'em pronto!

Jason: I'm goin' to Merlotte's and find out what the hell's happenin' on my turf!
Bill: Jason, if it is the same creature we think it might be, you don't wanna go any where near it. Trust me.
Jason: Mr. Compton, I ain't about to sit back and let some monster destroy my town.
Sookie: Jason, this would be one of 'those' times to use your head.
Jason: Oh I am. I ain't never been so clear in my whole life. This here, is the war I've been training for.

Jason: Jason Stackhouse, abstinent.
Luke: Sound good, don't it?
Jason: Not really.

Jason: Now, I reckon I've already been to heaven. It was inside your wife.

Jason: There's werewolves?
Sookie: Yes.
Jason: Shit. Bigfoot, is he real too?
Sookie: I dunno, I guess it's possible.
Jason: Santa?
Sookie: Jason, focus.

Jessica: (really angry) I'm gonna go find someone to eat!

Jessica: (to Jason, after they have sex) I am not gonna glamour you just because you don't want to feel guilty!

Jessica: I'd have totally been a slut if I coulda gotten away with it. Me and my friend, Lori, we had this bet since eighth grade over who'd lose it first. And she was like pregnant before I even got my first kiss and my dad was such a dick head. So what's your excuse?
Hoyt: I was gonna wait, you know, till I met the right one. Well the right one never showed up. By then I had waited so long, I figured I couldn't give it away to just anybody. So now I'm twenty-eight... most girls probably think I'm like some kinda bi-sexual gay or somethin'. Not that I got any kind of problem with them. But I'm not.
Jessica: I'm not most girls. I'm not even a girl, technically. But if you're okay with it... I'd be your first.

Jessica: I'll get used to it. Maybe there's an operation. I can't be the only vampire virgin.
Hoyt: You know, intercourse isn't the only way to have sex.
Jessica: But I want to have intercourse.
Hoyt: Well sure... We can do everything when we figure out how.
Jessica: You should break up with me.
Hoyt: Hell no. That thing that grows back, it's just a thing. I ain't perfect either. I'm the guy people laugh at.

Jessica: So Pam, when you're feedin' on someone, how do you not kill 'em?
Pam: Bill didn't teach you that?
Jessica: Bill doesn't want me to feed on people. And now he's gone, and...
Pam: It's in the heartbeat. You feel it in the blood.

Kenya: [about Bill] So he proposes to you and you said what again?
Sookie: That I needed a minute to think.
Kenya: [making notes] Hmmm.
Sookie: [about the Hostess nearby] Aren't you going to stop her from tramplin' all over the crime scene? Why aren't you taking any of this seriously, Kenya? My boyfriend's been kidnapped.
Kenya: It is Deputy Jones and I'd appreciate you addressing me as such. Now how how long were you in the bathroom?
Sookie: No more than a minute or two.
Kenya: Was it one minute or two minutes?!
Sookie: What difference does it make when every second you spend questioning me, these bastards are getting further away!
Kenya: What if there were no bastards? What if, while you were in the bathroom for a minute or two, your vampire friend realized he didn't want to be humiliated any more and took off?
Sookie: Well than how do you explain the turned over table inside? Because to me that looks like evidence of a struggle.
Kenya: To me, it looks like a man lost his temper... and with good reason.
Sookie: Come on, just file a missing person's report for me. Please.
Kenya: Forty-eight hours. That's the rule. You wanna a lift back to town or not?