Gwen: Emma's parents are a bit religious.
Rhys: Oh, er...Better not tell them you saw my morning glory then,eh!

Gwen: Excuse me, have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car?
[Old Woman points in the direction in which Torchwood are heading]
Gwen: [serious] Thank you. [driving away]
Old Woman: Bloody Torchwood.

Gwen: Have you ever eaten alien meat?
Jack: Yeah.
Gwen: What was it like?
Jack: Well, he seemed to enjoy it.

Gwen: I just feel... like there's something going on...
Owen: Marvellous. Thank you for that Disney moment.

Gwen: So what's this supposed to do?
Jack: I'm using satellite tracking data to determine the intra-trajectory of the meteorite.
Tosh: He means he's trying to find out where it's come from.
Jack: Hey! Sometimes a little technobabble is good for the soul!

Gwen: So, is that it, then? We just sweep it under the carpet?
Owen: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Gwen: Oh, bollocks to serenity!
Owen: For a lovely girl, you've got a very dirty mouth.

Gwen: Torchwood doesn't do maternity leave - "Sorry Jack, I'd love to deal with those aliens but I can't find a babysitter", "No, no, no, I'll sort out that bomb once I've dropped Rhys Jr. off at nursery."

Gwen: Wait a minute, I've taken retcon.
Jack: Then better stay away from sharp objects.

Gwen: Well, actually, um, we were sort of, well, snogging...
Owen and Jack: WE KNOW.

Gwen: What about a rota? Different people on different days?
Jack: We're a secret organization hunting alien technology from an underground base, and you want a rota for who drives.
Gwen: ...Just trying to help.

Gwen: What are we doing, having Chinese while a girl fights for her life? We should be helping her.
Jack: Actually, while we've been eating, the computers have been running a full bio-scan on Carys, profiling her blood, metabolism, organs, the works. So we can see what effect the alien is having on her. They've also been taking samples of the air in the cell, so we can analyse any change in the environment around her. Now, is that enough? Do you want more? 'Cause... gets kind of boring.
Gwen: You've been hidden down here too long. Spending so much time with the alien stuff. You've lost what it means to be human.
Jack: So remind us. Tell me what it means to be human in the twenty-first century.

Gwen: What the hell was that?
Owen: What?
Gwen: Snoggin' me.
Owen: Last kiss for the condemned man.. Embarrassing given we haven't been killed.. What? It's not like I fancy you or anything!
Gwen: I was on top of you. I could feel your hard-on.
Owen: Yeah. Well. You didn't exactly struggle, did ya?

Gwen: What was [Eugene] doing out on that road?
Owen: Oh fuck knows. Categorising chevrons? He was a geek.

Gwen: Who's back?
Jack: What's he doing?
Ianto: Waiting, just like you said. He's been there 20 minutes.
Jack: Persistent.
Ianto: Good sign.
Jack: Dogmatic.
Ianto: Always a plus.
Gwen: Oh, Christ, never work with a couple, you two talk like twins!

Gwen: You get to shoot first, and ask questions later. How good is that?