[Ianto is checking out wedding dresses]
Tailor: Can I help you?
Ianto: I'm looking for a wedding dress for my friend.
Tailor: Of course you are, sir. You'd be surprised, we're quite used to men buying for their... "friends".

[Jack enters the Hub. "I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" is playing in the background.]
John: Come on! Sing along! It's our song!
Jack: We don't have a song! And if we did have a song, it wouldn't be this song!
John: [deadpan] You're no fun!

[Jack's vortex manipulator beeps]
Ianto: Woah, that never beeps.
Jack: That's what I was thinking.

[John Ellis picks up a copy of a magazine with a woman in her underwear on the front]
John: Good God!
Ianto: Welcome to the wonderful world of scantily-clad celebrities.
John: There are children around!
Ianto: She's a children's TV presenter.
[John replaces the magazine with a shocked expression]

[John has skulled half a bottle of vodka]
Jack: So, how was rehab?
John: Rehabs. Plural.
Jack: Drink, drugs, sex and ...?
John: Murder.
Jack: [laughs] You went to murder rehab?
John: I know. Ridiculous. The odd kill, who does it hurt?
Jack: [jokingly worried] You clean now?
John: [deadpan] Yeah, kicked everything, living like a priest.

[On an alien encountered during a past adventure]
Jack Harkness: It's a species of brainspawn treated as vermin on more than 150 planets that I know and valued as dinner on one other. It tastes like oysters.
Angelo: You didn't...?
Jack Harkness: I had to be polite.

[Owen has just given Tosh a toy rodent]
Tosh: Just what I need, a rodent watching me while I work. I think I'll call it Owen.

[Owen is demonstrating what will eventually happen if the alien host stays in Carys for too long]
Owen: Preasure mounts in the brain, the lungs collapse (making breathing impossible) and then-
[the rat explodes violently]
Owen: Rat jam.

[Owen is trapped in a room and is about to be vaporised]
Owen: [hysterical] Tosh! Toshiko, I can't get out! Not like this! I'm not dying here! Get me out of here Tosh, get me out of here, I died once and I'm not doing it again! Where's Jack? Where's Gwen, Ianto, John?!? You wanna watch the dead man die again?!
Tosh: Owen, just stay calm.
Owen: Why should I do that? Where's the fun in that? I'm gonna rage my way to oblivion!
Tosh: [upset, quietly] Please stop.
Owen: Why? Give me good bloody reason why I should, one good reason why I shouldn't keep screaming!
Tosh: [crying] Because you're breaking my heart!
Owen: [calms down] Sorry.
Tosh: [still crying, harder] It's my fault.
Owen: No, no no it isn't, no it isn't, don't you dare go there Tosh, I'm really sorry. [pause] What's gonna happen to me Tosh?
Tosh: [whisper] I can't.
Owen: Please, okay, I need to know.
Tosh: [not crying but barely able to get the words out] The containment chamber will be flooded with irradiated coolant.
Owen: Ah, my body will slowly decompose, while I watch.
Tosh: [crying] I should have been able to stop it!
Owen: Sshh, come on Tosh, there's no way you could have anticipated that power spike, come on. Besides you've saved my back so many times in the past, right from the moment I joined.
Tosh: Your second week, I had to cover for you, pretend I was a medic because you were hung over and unreachable.
Owen: [weak laugh] What was it, space pig?
Tosh: Space pig.
Owen: We never did get that date did we, you and me? We sort of, uh, missed each other, was my fault, didn't notice until it was too late, I'm sorry.
Tosh: [weakly, crying] Me too.
Owen: [alarms sound] It's starting.
Tosh: [whisper] Owen.
Owen: It's all right; really Tosh, it's all right. [last words] Oh god.

[Owens phone rings]
Owen: This is Owen's voicemail, don't leave a message.
Jack: Nice try, Owen, I want you back at the hub immediately.

[Radio advert plays while Rhys is driving]
Rhys: [Singing along] Who'd you trust to transport your goods? Harwoods! You won't be sorry with a Harwoods lorry!

[talking about his former love, Estelle's, visions of fairies]
Jack: She calls them fairies; I don't.
Gwen: What do you call them?
Jack: Never really had a proper name.
Gwen: Why not?
Jack: Something from the dawn of time, how could you possibly put a name to that?
Gwen: Are we talking alien?
Jack: Worse.
Gwen: How come?
Jack: Because they're part of us. Part of our world, yet we know nothing about them. So we pretend to know what they look like. We see them as happy, we imagine they have tiny little wings and are bathed in moonlight.
Gwen: But they're not?
Jack: No. Think dangerous. Think something you can only half-see, like a glimpse, like something out of the corner of your eye. With a touch of myth, a touch of the spirit world, a touch of reality all jumbled together, old moments and memories that are frozen in amongst it. Like debris, spinning around a ring planet, tossing, turning, whirling... backwards and forwards through time.

[Talking about old film footage of a travelling show]
Tosh: I don't believe this Jack. What were you doing there?
Owen: He's part of this freak show.
Jack: Some things never change.
Owen: You being rude about me?

[Talking about the pterodactyl]
Jack: Quite excitable!
Ianto: Must be your aftershave.
Jack: I never wear any.
Ianto: You smell like that naturally?
Jack: Fifty first century pheromones, you people have no idea!

[team discusses the mysterious box]
Ianto: I think Jack brought that in.
Tosh: No, I'm pretty sure Adam found it on an excavation a few months back.
Ianto: I'll have a look in the diary. I like to log the interesting stuff.
Tosh: You write about artifacts in your diary?
Ianto: Among other things. [winks]