Lisbon: We better go pick up Daniel.
Jane: If we walk, you can burn some case-closed pizza calories.
Lisbon: Ha, ha. Cute.

Lisbon: We have agents at your house right now with a search warrant.
Chancellor Stern: Inadmissible.
Lisbon: Yes. I'd hate to be a State's Attorney. Jane's always pulling crap like this on them but they always win.

Lisbon: We still have Hardy, okay? He's gonna tell us what we need to know.
Jane: Oh, you think so? You should have waited. We agreed on that.
Lisbon: What if Hardy had killed you right here?
Jane: He would have led you straight to Red John.
Lisbon: You'd be dead.
Jane: But you would have Red John.
Lisbon: I don't think you mean what you say. I think you'd choose life.
Jane: Well, you think wrong.
Lisbon: No. No, you think wrong. Can't you see there's people who care about you? Who need you? You're being selfish and childish and I want you to stop it.
Jane: I wish that I could, but, you know, some things you just can't fix.
Season 2

Lisbon: What did you learn?
Jane: She's scared. She's of Italian descent. She bites her nails. She doesn't like pets or pineapple.
Lisbon: Useful stuff.

Lisbon: What do you think?
Jane: Oh, he's lying. They had an argument. You go out to celebrate with the man that financed your movie and only pay half the dinner bill?

Lisbon: What the hell?
Jane: Oh, doctor's orders. She said it was the best thing for me to do, get back to work.
Lisbon: She did not. She said you insulted the entire ward and were a complete pain in the ass.
Jane: Nah. So?
Lisbon: So, you can't do that.
Jane: What was I supposed to do, just sit there and listen to television? Besides, the food was terrible.
Lisbon: You need the rest.
Jane: I need to work.
Lisbon: You're blind.
Jane: It's no problem, honestly. My other senses are heightened. They're super heightened. I'm like Daredevil. Now, if you'll excuse me.
Lisbon: Okay.
[Jane walks off and almost hits a column]
Jane: Ah, heightened.

Lisbon: What's in the bag?
Jane: Oh. A picnic lunch.
Lisbon: What's in the bag?
Jane: A bomb.
Lisbon: Ha ha ha. What's in the bag? Seriously.
Jane: Seriously. A bomb.

Lisbon: What's NLP?
Lindsay Hendricks: Neurolinguistic programming.
Jane: Well, sneaky ways to influence people doesn't sound quite as catchy.

Lisbon: What's your normal procedure?
Fricke: After lovemaking? Depends on the type of woman.
Lisbon: So you've got it down to a science?
Fricke: I'm good at what I do.
Lisbon: Okay, Mr. Fricke, and what is it that you do?
Fricke: I'm a pickup artist. A woman whisperer, if you will.
Lisbon: A pickup artist? That's your profession?
Fricke: You sound like my mom. Um, it's more of a total lifestyle kind of thing, you know. I practice my art, of course. That's my passion. But I teach and I blog, also. Conduct seminars, workshops, that sort of thing.

Lisbon: When are you gonna learn to cool it without being told?
Jane: Oh, come on. They pissed you off, too, the sexist pigs.
Lisbon: They were.
Jane: I just said they were.
Lisbon: You were saying it ironically.

Lisbon: Where do you get off giving orders in the first place? I say who goes and who stays, not you.
Jane: Well, that's, uh, fiery but calm. Very good. Why don't you try it with a more forceful hand gesture, like... [he demonstrates...] I say who goes and who stays, not you.
Lisbon: I'm serious.

Lisbon: Where's everyone?
Grace: Weird. They all called in to sign out. Jane wasn't feeling well, Rigsby's got a hot date, and Cho got Kings tickets.
Lisbon: Son of a...
Grace: What?
Lisbon: Jane doesn't get sick, Rigsby's not on a date because he's in love with you, and the Kings aren't playing tonight.
Grace: You know about that?
Lisbon: Yeah, they're on an East Coast road trip. They're playing the Knicks tomorrow night.
Grace: No, I mean about Rigsby. How do you know about that?
Lisbon: Everybody knows about that. The attorney general knows that.

Lisbon: Why so cruel?
Jane: Statistically, it's dad that did it.
Lisbon: Since when do you care about statistics?
Jane: Just wanted to raise his pulse a little.

Lisbon: You have good kids.
Jack Tanner: Yeah, I do.
Lisbon: You're all they have.
Jack Tanner: Yeah, I know.
Lisbon: Be good to them.
Jack Tanner: I am good to them.
Lisbon: My father was a good man, just like you are. And after my mother died... he was a self-pitying drunk, just like you are. He killed himself. Damn near killed me and my brothers too. Get some help. Your kids deserve it. So do you.

Lisbon: You threw a cat, all right. What valuable insight did you glean as a result?
Jane: Nothing. It's a little disappointing.
Lisbon: Well, maybe, just maybe, this case is exactly what it looks like. Bitter unsubs with a grudge against the fat cats.
Jane: Nice drive though.
Lisbon: Nice three hour drive.