Grace: Mr. Jane, I have a question regarding your previous career path.
Jane: Fire away.
Grace: When you met with other psychics, real psychics, could they tell you were just pretending?
Jane: There's no such thing as real psychics.
Grace: I beg to differ. My cousin Yolanda is a psychic.
Jane: Your cousin is deluded or dishonest or both.
Rigsby: Hey, steady.
Grace: No, no, he's entitled to his opinion. He's wrong, though. She has power. She can communicate with the other side. I've seen her do it myself.
Jane: She let you speak with someone that's gone, someone that you love and still miss very much. You wanted her power to be real so it was.
Rigsby: You're so sure you're right. Science doesn't know everything.
Grace: Five hundred years ago, radio would have seemed like magic. Five hundred years in the future, it could be totally normal to communicate with the other side.
Jane: The other side?...There is no other side...

Grace: So how about you give us a statement; maybe help yourself.
Howard: How 'bout you kiss me. (He leans across the table) You're pretty.
Grace: So are you, [pause, with no change in her facial expression] compared to most state prison inmates.

Grace: What was she thinking? She was so beautiful and he's so creepy.
Rigsby: Yeah, Dr. Rubenstein was hot, too. How does he do it?
Jane: All you need is a basic understanding of the evolutionary psychology of women. Rigorously and fearlessly applied. You get to know what buttons to press.
Lisbon: Like we're toasters?
Grace: Like men don't have buttons, too?
Jane: Men are like toasters. Women...little more like accordions.

Grace: Why do people say "Eureka!" when they do something good?
Cho: It's Greek for bingo.
Grace: Well, Eureka.

Grace: Witchcraft creeps me out.
Rigsby: It doesn't bother me. Nerds in cloaks.
Grace: There's more to it than that.
Rigsby: It's just a silly alternative lifestyle, like Star Trek or yoga.
Grace: I do yoga.

Greg: Honey, this is, uh, Teresa Lisbon.
Greta: This is Teresa Lisbon? The Teresa Lisbon?
Jane: The one and only.

Hightower: Hey. So, I just talked to Judge Fitzwilliam.
Jane: And?
Hightower: And she says if you will apologize for the cavalier method in which you disrupted her mother's burial she will not pursue disciplinary action against you, Lisbon or myself.
Jane: Hmm. Tell her Jane says she is a self righteous embittered, old bat and she should thank me.
Hightower: Oh God, Jane, please.
Judge Fitzwilliam: [surprising both Hightower and Jane] You're right, Mr. Jane. I came here for an apology, but I realize now I was wrong to stand on my dignity. I am embittered, and your arrogant, callous, juvenile behavior did reveal he truth after all, so thank you. Thank you very much. Good evening to you.
Jane: Sorry.

Hightower: I guess it's your way of saying you're unhappy with how I'm handling Lisbon.
Jane: We spend a lot of time together, and when she's unhappy I'm less happy. It's human nature.
Hightower: Yes, it is. I'll tell you what, Patrick. Why don't you let me handle my business my way and judge me by the results, and I'll let you handle yours your way. Up to a point.
Jane: That sounds fair. Up to a point.

Hightower: Teresa, not saying something doesn't mean that something isn't happening.

James Panzer: Congratulations, by the way.
Jane: Thank you. For what?
James Panzer: You killed Red John.
Jane: Oh, that. Yes.
James Panzer: What was that like?
Jane: Not as satisfying as you might think.

Jane: [He looks Fricke straight in the eyes] Do you know who killed Claire?
Fricke: [Emphatically] No.
Jane: Interesting. He is either a habitual liar telling the truth, or he's an honest man lying.

Jane: [holds out a flower] For you.
Lisbon: Does it squirt water?
Jane: No. It's no trick. Maybe just a little trick to catch the killer.
Lisbon: With a hydrangea?
Jane: Yeah.
Lisbon: How?
Jane: Well wouldn't that be spoiling the fun?
Lisbon: For you. Spoiling the fun for you.
Jane: That's the fun that matters.

Jane: [Lying on the couch] Wow. There's a stain on the ceiling that looks like Elvis, but today it looks more like a basset hound.
Cho: [Dry] Someone call the media, it's a miracle.

Jane: [observing Cho] Kid's a natural. Look at him. The Cho. No business like Cho business.

Jane: [Points to Dr. Steiner with a stick] And I can see what you're thinking right now.
Dr. Steiner: Uh, I was thinking that you, sir, are a bumptious fool, and I was wondering exactly what training in forensic pathology you have.
Jane: Ah, but right before that, you were wondering whether you would choose Lisbon or Van Pelt as your concubine in that little fantasy kingdom you like to go to sometimes.
Dr. Steiner: I...I do not.