Rigsby: Be fair. Not all the Doctors are cold and creepy.
Jane: First day in Medical School they get a stack of books and a dead human being. That, I'm afraid, would change you. Brooke Harper was warm and emotional.
Lisbon: You like her so she can't be a Doctor.
Jane: Pretty much.

Rigsby: He's lying.
Jane: Is he?
Rigsby: Given that the girl he dragged in is not actually a bag of spuds like he says, then yeah.
Jane: It's not lying if he believes it.
Rigsby: True.

Rigsby: I hate the woods.
Cho: Would you rather be playing desk jockey with Van Pelt right now?
Rigsby: Who sends their kids to a place like this? It's not cheap either.
Cho: A little deprivation and discipline is good for the soul.
Rigsby: Yeah, but this is like a juvie prison camp.
Cho: No. This is like spring break in Cancun compared to juvie.
Rigsby: Wait, you were in juvenile hall? Seriously?
Cho: Yeah, didn't you read my file?
Rigsby: No. Wait, did you read mine?
Cho: Of course.

Rigsby: I look around, I don't see anyone here who could torture a man to death with pliers and a lit cigar.
Patrick: Picture them naked and ravenously hungry.
Grace: Ew!

Rigsby: Jane, I need to ask you a favor. I need you to, uh...I need you to find out from Van Pelt about this guy she's dating. You know, what's the score?
Jane: The score?
Rigsby: Is it serious? Are they, uh, you know?
Jane: Ask her yourself.
Rigsby: Yeah, right. No. Come on. You know the situation. It's against the rules, relationships between coworkers.
Jane: What are you, a man or a mouse?
Rigsby: A man, obviously.
Jane: Could've fooled me.
Rigsby: If it's that guy from payroll, I will kill him.
Jane: Well, that would be a strong, romantic statement. Women like a man that would kill for them. Hey, Van Pelt!
Rigsby: Don't!

Rigsby: Listen, about before at the office with Sarah. I just --
Van Pelt: Oh, yeah. Congratulations. She seems nice.
Rigsby: Yeah. I just don't want it to be awkward between --
Van Pelt: [laughs] With me? That's the least of your problems.
Rigsby: What does that mean?
Van Pelt: Well, she's a public defender. I mean, good luck, but be careful.

Rigsby: Oh, I've been hypnotized, have I? You gonna make me do embarrassing things? Pretend I'm Tina Turner or something?
Jane: You wanna be like Tina Turner?

Rigsby: Okay, who has Chinese food for breakfast?
Sarah Harrigan: Chinese people and me. Okay, interrogation time. Agent Rigsby, do you consider yourself an expert on motorcycle gangs?
Rigsby: Yes.
Sarah: No, don't say yes. Say yes. You want to project confidence and the jury's going to believe you.
Rigsby: Yes, ma'am. [leans in and gives Sarah a kiss]
Sarah: Stop trying to distract me, and does this expertise, in fact, come from years of close contact with a criminal element in your own family?
Rigsby: Hey.
Sarah: Don't say hey, just answer the question.
Rigsby: No, it doesn't.
Sarah: Isn't it true your father, Steven Rigsby, was a member of the Iron Gods motorcycle gang and a convicted felon?
Rigsby: Yes.
Sarah: So wouldn't it be fair to say that everything you learned you know from your father the felon? Babe, I know it's touchy, but if you wait too long to answer --
Rigsby: Okay. That's enough. Thanks for your help. Gotta get to court.
Sarah: Wayne.
Rigsby: Seriously, that was a big help. Thank you. [walks away]

Rigsby: Poison and a message in lipstick says this murder was done by a woman. Women have no secrets from other women.
Jane: Well, unless it was a cunning man posing as a woman.
Rigsby: What you think?
Jane: No.

Rigsby: Seduction's not my strong point.
Jane: Seduction's easy once you know the basic principles. There's nothing to it.
Rigsby: Oh, really? Well, I don't see a crowd of women following you around.
Jane: Why would I want a crowd of women following me around?

Rigsby: So, uh, guys. I have something to say.
Grace: We have something to say.
Rigsby: Uh, life's too short for dishonest. Van P... Grace and I are... lovers.
Lisbon: No you're not.
Grace: Um, yes we are.

Rigsby: Teenagers. I hate questioning teenagers. It's like talking to mud.
Jane: You need some love in your heart.
Rigsby: Oh, is that my problem.
Jane: Yeah, it is.

Rigsby: Wait, there's one more thing: I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be at your wedding.
Van Pelt: Oh? [she sighs] That's too bad. You have something else planned for that day?
Rigsby: No, you see the problem is: I'm still in love with you.
Van Pelt: You can't --
Rigsby: Hold on. I'm not trying to win you back. You're marrying a good man. That's not gonna change. But neither am I. This whole thing where we pretend we're just friends, it doesn't work. I don't know what will work. But I know one thing: I can't watch you marry another man. You have a good day and a good life.

Rigsby: You better call Lisbon, give her an update.
Jane: You call her.
Rigsby: I can't. I'm driving. Cho?
Cho: No way.
Jane: Oh, come on, guys. I just robbed a Russian mobster. You can't call Lisbon?

Rigsby: You have any plans for tonight?
Grace: Home. TV.
Rigsby: Well...have fun.
Grace: You too. [Leaves the room]
Cho: [to Rigsby] You're gonna die alone.