Rose: I got caught up at work and I barely had time to pick up this cake. I wanted to make Sven feel welcome.
Blanche: Rose! That cake is from the Get It While It's Hot Erotic Bake Shop!
Dorothy: [opening up the cake box and then quickly closing it] WHOA!!!!!
Blanche: Why, Rose Nylund, why, that cake is in the shape of...
Dorothy: Blanche, we know what it is.
Rose: I thought it was in the shape of Florida!
Blanche: That reminds me...I wanna give Charlie Milbourne a call.
Dorothy: If this cake reminds you of Charlie Milbourne we can both give him a call!

Rose: I'm concerned about nuclear war!
Dorothy: And just yesterday, her biggest concern was whether Bubbles the Chimp was traveling with Michael Jackson against his will.

Rose: I'm still confused about the operation that Gil Kessler had. Is the man asleep during it?
Dorothy: I think so.
Rose: And what about the parts they put on? Do they test them first?
Dorothy: Of course, Rose. You know, like windshield wipers.
Rose: So they work?
Dorothy: I assume so, yes.
Rose: [Brief pause] ...What are they made of?
Dorothy: [irritated] Silly Putty, Rose!

Rose: Oh Dorothy, I'm glad you're here. Meet Mr. Terrific.
Dorothy: Oh, Mr. Terrific. Meet Mrs. Severely Depressed.

Rose: So Becky, what brings you to Miami?
Sophia: My guess is a small barge!

Rose: Sophia, are you busy?
Sophia: Nah, I'm just drawing a line on the milk of magnesia bottle.
Rose: Why?
Sophia: I think the gardener's been sneaking a few sips!
Rose: I have a problem.
Sophia: All right. Take a sip, I'll draw another line.
Rose: No, no, it's not that . . . my boss at the center made a pass at me!
Sophia: Maybe you misunderstood; what exactly did he do?
Rose: He called me in his office and threw me down on the couch and kissed me!
Sophia: That's a pass . . . okay, I think I can help you. I'll tell you a story, Rose. Picture it--Sicily, 1922.
Blanche: [rushes in] Sophia, I have a problem! I just saw the guy I've been dating out with another woman! Now, what do you think I oughta do?
Sophia:I think you should sit down and picture Sicily, 1922. (Blanche sits) It was the worst of times; it was the worst of times. It was Sicily, 1922.
Dorothy:[enters] Ma, I have a problem.
Sophia: Just sit down and listen! First of all, is everyone who lives in this house here at this very moment!?
Dorothy: Yes.
Sophia: Then for the last time, PICTURE IT! Sicily, 1922! A beautiful young woman with breasts not unlike Brigitte Nielsen . . . except hers moved when she skipped! She comes walking down a picturesque country road when suddenly a yellow Rolls Royce pulls up and blocks her path!
Blanche: Ohhh! Who was in the Rolls?
Sophia: It doesn't matter, it's not important to the story. Anyway, the Rolls Royce moves on, and the girl finds her pepperoni is missing.
Rose: What happened to it, Sophia?
Sophia: Bambi ate it; how should I know?! You keep missing the point; the point is she has no pepperoni to bring to her family's table! She gets hysterical; she starts to run. She runs through the fields, the meadow, over the hill--until she comes to a raging river FILLED with pepperoni swimming upstream!
Dorothy: Ma, pepperoni swimming upstream?
Sophia: Yeah, I know, it's odd--pepperoni is a land meat. But there it was! She wades into the river, grabs an armful, and races home to feed her family. When she tells them the story, they think it's an act of God! But as it turns out a disgruntled pepperoni stuffer had blown up the factory in a neighboring town causing pepperoni to rain down over a hundred square miles--which is where the old Sicilian saying 'It's raining cats and pepperoni' comes from!
[Blanche, Rose and Dorothy all nod]

Rose: Sophia, what are you doing with that heavy coat on inside the house?
Sophia: [opens her coat with her back to camera] You tell me, Rose! [walks off]
Dorothy: Ma!
Rose: Dorothy, was Sophia naked just now, or does her dress really need ironing?

Rose: We really enjoyed your lecture on modern sculpture.
Laszlo: I didn't think anyone was paying attention.
Rose: Oh, we sure were, especially Dorothy. She even talked about taking up sculpting.
Laszlo: Really?
Dorothy: [laughing] Oh no, I didn't.
Rose: Yes you did! You said you'd like to help him mold his clay or buff his marble anytime!
Dorothy: [laughing, taking Rose's hand] Rose is such a kidder! [She squeezes Rose's hand so hard that Rose falls to the ground in pain]

Rose: Well, let me give you a little friendly advice - you're wasting your time, because that $1,000 prize is going to be mine. When I was younger I was known as the Dancing Fool.
Dorothy: How old were you when they dropped the "Dancing" part? [she and Blanche crack up]

Rose: You know Dorothy, I just thought of something. Lorraine's family's gonna be black too, aren't they?
Dorothy: Yes Rose. You know, you could probably make them feel welcome if you do your version of that dance that the Huxtable's do at the beginning of The Cosby Show.

Rose: You know that promotion I'm up for at the counseling center? Well, I found out I can't have it unless I become bilingual.
Blanche: Oh, honey, don't do that! No job is worth having to date women!
Dorothy: Blanche, "bilingual" refers to a person who speaks more than one language.
Blanche: [laughing] Oh! Why'd I think it was something sexual?

Rose: You're dumping your own mother?
Dorothy: Faster than CBS dumped Jimmy the Greek.

Sophia [Vincenzo gives Sophia instructions on who does what]
Dorothy, you'll hold the window in place.
Rose will do the hammering.
Blanche you'll do the screwing...and he came up with that one on his own, I swear.

Sophia: [about Dorothy's joke] Just because you have a chin doesn't mean you're Jay Leno.

Sophia: [crawling between Dorothy and Stan in bed] Stanley, think of me as the Berlin Wall! Try to climb over me, and you'll know what barbed wire between your legs feels like!