Blanche: Dorothy! I've just been speaking to that good looking reporter over there who just got back from Russia, and he told me some very interesting things. It snows there in the summertime, and they don't have many attractive women � do you realize what that means? When we go to Russia I will have my pick of any man in the country and you can make a snowman in June!

Blanche: Dorothy, I cannot let you do this.
Dorothy: Blanche, get out of my way.
Blanche: I want that car, Dorothy. I will give you anything.
Dorothy: Blanche, we have to tell Rose the truth.
Blanche: I'll give you one of my sons. I have given this a lot of thought, Dorothy. I have had four sons, I have never had a Mercedes. What do you say? Which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy-- no, don't take Skippy. He's got asthma.
Dorothy: Blanche, this has gone far enough.

Blanche: Dorothy, it deserves to be displayed on a devastatingly beautiful body!
Dorothy: Who you gonna to send it to, Kim Basinger?
Blanche: And what is that supposed to mean?
Dorothy: Why don't you think about it while you're inhaling your next cheesecake?
[Dorothy walks out]
Blanche: How dare she imply that I overeat! Makes me so mad... [she goes to the cupboard and opens it] Oh darn, we're out of Chips Ahoy.

Blanche: Dorothy, quick, turn on the television. Gil's press conference is about to start.
Rose: Gosh, I'm nervous. I hope they're not too hard on him.
Dorothy: Well, I wouldn't be too sure of that. Look at all of those reporters.
Blanche: Yeah! There's Charlie Thompson, and Fred Leone, and Mike Devlin!
[All of the girls give Blanche a funny look]
Blanche: I had lunch at the Press Club once.
Rose: Only once? Gosh, it took me two years to learn everybody's name on Eight is Enough!

Blanche: Dorothy, this is crazy! Since when do you care how you look?
Dorothy: I think it started when I came down from the bell tower and had my hump fixed!
Blanche: This dress looks sensational on me; people expect to see me in a sensational dress!
Dorothy: And what do they expect to see me in, a yarmulke and a Hefty Bag?

Blanche: Girls, guess what I found. [takes a teddy bear from behind her back] Fernando!
Rose: That's not Fernando.
Blanche: Well what do you mean that's not Fernando? How could you tell?
Rose: All you have to do is look in his eyes.
Dorothy: Or at the price tag stuck to his back.

Blanche: Girls, we can't fire her now. She's making me an aphrodisiac.
Dorothy: Use vodka and black underwear like everyone else!

Blanche: Hurricanes can be kind of fun. I remember one when I was married!
Angelo: Married?
Blanche: Uh... Mary. When I was Mary in the Christmas pageant at the convent, remember that, Sister Rose?
Rose: Oh, yes, Sister Blanche is quite an actress.
Stan: She'd have to be, to make anyone believe she was a virgin!
Dorothy: Stanley, you're a pig in a cheap suit!
Stan: Ya know, for two cents...
Dorothy: ...you could get a better toupee?
Stan: Okay, that's it, I've had enough, I'm not going on with this anymore!
Sophia: [pointing] Angelo, look! Saint Francis of Assisi!
[While Angelo is looking away, Sophia slaps Stan across the face.]
Sophia: Shut up and play ball, you yutz! [To Angelo] False alarm, never mind.

Blanche: I don't normally speak to people who call me a liar.
Dorothy: Oh come on Blanche, we're in public now. There's no reason to be hostile.
Blanche: Oh, yes there is. I don't like you.
Dorothy: And horizontal stripes make you look like Roger Ebert!

Blanche: I saw some of the sketches that Laszlo has done of me and they're horrible. The hair is all big and frizzy and the body is all droopy and saggy. The woman in those pictures is a dog!
Rose: Blanche, the woman in those photos is me.
Blanche: I know she sounds like you dear, but she's not.
Rose: Oh, yes she is. [pulls out key], I wanted to tell you a long time ago.
Blanche: Oh God, strike me here and now if Laszlo prefers Rose Nylund over me.
Rose: He said he wanted someone with more innocence.
Blanche: With more cellulite is more like it.
Rose: You take that back!
Blanche: I will not!
Rose: Yes, you will!
Blanche: No I won't!
Dorothy: Girls, girls what's going on here.
Blanche: Nothing, Rose here just stabbed me in the back.
Rose: I did not, Laszlo asked me to pose for him.
Blanche: I don't know why, he'd go to Sea World if he wants to see a naked whale.
Rose: Or to your bathtub!
Blanche: Oh, all right Missy, this is war, both of us will continuing seeing Laszlo.
Rose: Fine, he is going to pick me.
Blanche: No he's not, he's going to pick me.
Dorothy: Girls, girls I can solve this.
Blanche: All right Dorothy, tell her who he is going to pick.
Dorothy: It's going to be me. [pulls out key]
Blanche: You too?
Dorothy: He asked me last Thursday.
Blanche: Well, I am stunned.
Rose: I'm relieved!
Blanche: Relieved.
Rose Yeah, the woman you saw in those horrible drawings must have been Dorothy!

Blanche: I think I have a little more endurance than you.
Dorothy: Blanche, we are not dancing on our backs.

Blanche: It is mind over matter. Now, Dorothy, you can get up off that couch! You're not sick anymore, Dorothy! You can... HEAL YOURSELF! WALK, DOROTHY, WALK!
Sophia: Hey, just because you put your makeup on with a butter knife, doesn't make you Tammy Bakker.

Blanche: My backside is spread all across the front page! How could they do that?
Sophia: They probably used a wide-angle lens.

Blanche: Nancy, honey. Now I don't generally like to throw my name around but you really leave me no choice. It so happens that I am Miss Angie Dickinson! And now, if you don't mind, I would like two rooms.
Nancy: You don't look like Angie Dickinson to me.
Blanche: I know, I have altered my appearance for a very important movie role.
Dorothy: Yeah, it's about a woman who eats her way from behind the Iron Curtain.

Blanche: Night after night I had this awful dream that I was trapped in an enclosed space full of men!
Dorothy: Now what could that mean? [short pause] Let's give this a second...