Blanche: Michael seems like such a nice young man.
Dorothy: Oh, he really is. But I'm worried about him; he's always been a little flighty.
Blanche: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that; Grandma Hollingsworth always said I was a little flighty... Or was it a little floozy?

Blanche: My God, you're Mr. Burt Reynolds.
Burt Reynolds: I sure hope so. If not, I've got the wrong underwear on.

Blanche: No one in my family has ever seen a psychiatrist... except of course, when they were institutionalized!

Blanche: Oh my god, is that me?!
Rose: Oh, that's my fault, Blanche, I was out of focus.
Sophia: You're always out of focus.
Blanche: No, I look old, I look ancient, I look all wrinkled up and shriveled like a prune!
Sophia: It could be worse, she could look like Fess Parker.

Blanche: Rose, honey, you've got to stop torturing yourself like this! Now Count Bessie is gone!
Rose: I know. It's just such a tragedy. Who cooks a musician at the height of her career?
Blanche: Rose, you've got to put this in perspective. Count Bessie was a chicken. It's not as if Angela had fried up Doc Severinsen!
Dorothy: [enters the kitchen] How are you doing, Rose?
Blanche: Not very good, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Oh, honey, now listen, you may not think so now, but in a few days, you'll feel better.
Rose: No, I won't. Because Mrs. Butell will be back by then. What am I supposed to say? "Welcome home! How was your trip? Oh, by the way..." [holds up Tupperware and starts to cry] "...here's Count Bessie!"

Blanche: Rose, I'm sorry, I just don't feel comfortable having you work for me.
Sophia: I do. You wanna be my servant, Rose?
Rose: Blanche, I'm not talking about big things. I'm talking about little things, like doing your laundry.
Sophia: My laundry's more fun, Rose.
Rose: It's the only way I'll feel better about losing your earrings.
Sophia: Ever see panties from the '20's, Rose? They got pockets!

Blanche: Rose, let's go watch I Love Lucy in the kitchen.
Rose: But that set is black and white!

Blanche: Sophia says she has no appetite since she was stabbed in the back.
Rose: Oh my God, who stabbed Sophia?!
Dorothy: The chef at Benihana, Rose.

Blanche: Sophia! Now you stop trying to trick Rose just because she's weak, and vulnerable and dimwitted.
Rose: YEAH!

Blanche:[to Dorothy] Eat dirt and die, trash.

Burt Reynolds: [to Sophia] Which one's the slut?
Dorothy, Rose, Blanche: I AM!!!

Dorothy: "Other girls who will take their money." Do you know who they think we are?
Rose: Waitresses!
Dorothy: No Rose, hookers.

Dorothy: [about Sophia] She's really a very sweet woman. She just doesn't like to show it.
Al Mullins: Is that a family trait?

Dorothy: [deep voice, pretending to be God] Rose, thanks for the lovely prayer. Now shut up and get into bed.
Rose: Amen! [gets into bed]
Blanche: Nice work, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Wasn't me.
Blanche: [starts to look worried] Sweet Jesus, am I in trouble! [begins to pray] Now I lay me down to sleep...

Dorothy: [describing a dream she had] I was a contestant on The Dating Game, and I won. I went around the corner to meet the bachelor who picked me, and it was the Pope.
Blanche: Boy, that is a tough one. Where'd you go on the date?
Dorothy: Oh, forget it, forget it, good night Blanche.