Dorothy: Please, please Stan. No hugging, no kissing. Let's just do it and get it over with.
Stan: Sounds like the last few years of our marriage.
Dorothy: I wish it was that good.

Dorothy: Who cares Rose! Did you and Arnie hit the sheets or not?!
Sophia: Dorothy!
Dorothy: ...sorry.
Rose: Some women don't like to kiss and tell.
Blanche: Oh, shoot, honey, that's half the fun! Why, most of the men I've dated just for the stories!
Dorothy: You must have more stories than O. Henry.

Dorothy: You caught me one night sneaking out of the kitchen naked with an oreo in my mouth. We have no secrets.

Dorothy: You know, Ma, you don't look good.
Sophia: I'm short, and old. What are you expecting--Princess Di?

Dorothy: [Nervously] Uh, Ma, this is Dr. Johnathan Newman.
Sophia: Hello. I hope that this doesn't sound rude... [Blanche and Dorothy are holding each other, looking like they are waiting for a disaster.] ...but I just came from a long trip, and I'm very tired. If you'll excuse me.
Dr. Newman: Of course. Lovely to have met you.
Sophia: Likewise. [Begins to walk away] Dorothy, can I see you for a minute? [Dorothy walks over. Sophia speaks in a hushed voice.] That man over there, is he a midget?
Dorothy: Yes
Sophia: Thank God, I thought I was having another stroke!

Dorothy:[to Rose] Sure you're five years older, so am I, so is Blanche. [Blanche gives Dorothy a dirty look] Alright, so you have a few more wrinkles, so do I, so does Blanche. [Blanche gives a dirtier look] Alright, you're a little thicker around the middle, so is Blanche. [Blanche now looks mortified]

Ed: Rose, you're just incredible on Miami Vice trivia! I've never met anyone so smart!
Dorothy: Ed, for a policeman, you've led a very sheltered life.

Elliot: I take it we're not playing golf.
Dorothy: We're not playing anything anymore.

Harry: [to Sophia] You must be Blanche's sister.
Sophia: You must be blind!

Lily: [holds up a pink dress] Do you see this dress, Rose? It's my favorite.
Rose: It's awfully pretty.
Lily: It's my favorite because it's the only one I can clearly remember. I remember what it looks like, and I remember what it looks like on me, and because of that I wear it all the time!
Rose: You'll adjust...
Lily: I don't want to adjust! I want to be the person that I used to be!
Rose: But you have to face the truth, you need help! Now you can deal with it, but you can't do it all by yourself!
Lily: [crying] Rose, all my life I've done everything I wanted to do, nothing's ever stood in my way before. For the past six months that's how I've been trying to deal with everything! I thought that I could overcome this thing by myself! I guess that deep down inside I thought I could make it go away. But I can't. Every morning when I wake up it's still there, and that terrifies me! Rose, I do need your help. That's why I came to Miami, to ask you to come home with me! Oh Rose, please come home with me! I can't make it by myself! [Lily and Rose embrace as Lily sobs]

Lily: Girls, I'm feeling a little chilly. I think I'll go and get my sweater.
Rose: Oh, no, I'll get that, I'll get that for you.
Lily: Oh, Rose, for heaven sakes, I can find my own way. [the girls frantically move all the boxes from her path] I know you're trying to help, but if I could pilot my own plane cross-country during a storm, I can certainly find my way across the room! [reaches the hallway, turns to face the girls] There. Now, do you see that I don't need anybody's help?

Lucy: I hope I wasn't too much trouble.
Rose: Don't be silly.
Dorothy: We enjoyed having you.
Sophia: So did half of Miami.

Madame Zelda: Mrs. Devereaux, you must leave this house at once. It is possessed by an evil spirit.
Blanche: Actually, it's possessed by Miami Federal. And at 7%, you couldn't blast me out of here.
Season 2

Madame Zelda: Was a young woman in a nurse's uniform murdered in this house with a handsaw?
Blanche: Heavens, no!
Madame Zelda: Are you sure? I'm getting a strong vibration. I see a woman in a white uniform, writhing and screaming. And there's a man kneeling over her.
Blanche: Well, if it was last Wednesday, that was me and the gentleman I'm currently dating. But that was a French maid's uniform.

Rose: 'What kind of a friend would you be if you let Elliot ruin her life? She could marry that man. They could have a child! [Blanche looks at her strangely] ...They could adopt a child! And then one night at the country club, possibly during little Mei Ling's coming out party... [pauses as Blanche looks exasperated] ...Dorothy's having the time of her life when she goes to the powder room and she overhears the towel lady telling Mrs. Steinbeck that Dorothy's husband, Dr. Elliot Clayton, has bonged every female member of the country club. Can you let that happen to Dorothy? Can you let that happen to little Mei Ling? Hasn't she suffered enough?
Blanche: Not as much as I have listening to that story.
Rose: Forget the story. You have to tell Dorothy, she's your friend!
Blanche: You're right, she is my best friend.
Rose: I thought I was your best friend!
Blanche: You were until you told me that story.